comfort

[boann]

i had a couple of years back in my 20's when i suppose you could say i sowed a few oats...if girls can do that. but i was single and had no children then.
and i think its a normal cycle people grow through.


but most of my life i have never been interested in
intimacy without love.

and your right i need to keep my anger over it.
without it , its hard to have resolve .

[boann]

thinking about that word ........resolve....

im usually a very private person , when things are wrong i maybe tell a couple of close friends and just deal with it myself. but this time ive told everyone.
my family , his family, my friends and now its public
i think its the only way for me to keep my head on straight and do this hard thing to make my life and my kids lives better.

[Dr Strangelove]

Sorry, the way that I read your earlier posts I thought that it was all a done deal. Perhaps yet another way to keep your resolve is to focus on your family life. How good could this guys playing around be for your kids?

[Sikander]

I agree with Che, and MtG's excellent initial post on the matter. Cheaters cheat. Once could be an alchohol fueled anomoly, twice is a challenge to your self-respect. Meet that challenge (as you seem to have already done) and stick to that. There are a lot of people out there who would never put you through something like this, and I bet you can find one who is warm and hardly snores at all.

[boann]

Originally posted by Dr Strangelove
Sorry, the way that I read your earlier posts I thought that it was all a done deal. Perhaps yet another way to keep your resolve is to focus on your family life. How good could this guys playing around be for your kids?

hes staying with his folks.
still unconvinced that im completly serious.
he took some cloths and a few cds
im sure he thinks he will just stay away a week or
two like last time and then ill let him come home.

[boann]

Originally posted by Sikander
I agree with Che, and MtG's excellent initial post on the matter. Cheaters cheat. Once could be an alchohol fueled anomoly, twice is a challenge to your self-respect. Meet that challenge (as you seem to have already done) and stick to that. There are a lot of people out there who would never put you through something like this, and I bet you can find one who is warm and hardly snores at all.

thats exactly what i think.
this was an ongoing 3 year affair.
hardly can be excused away with some placating
im sorrys ....

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by Sikander
and I bet you can find one who is warm and hardly snores at all.

We snorers need the love of a good woman too, you know.

[Sprayber]

It's easy for someone to say leave them and dont let them come back, but harder to do. There are so many questions that flow through your mind about why they did it and if you could have done something different.

During the summer I met a girl that I seemed to have a lot in common with and we got along great. One night before I went over to stay at her house she admitted to me that she was married and her husband had been in Egypt for 7 months. He was one of the guard units that had been sent over and I was so ashamed. Needless to say I excused myself. Not because I am a saint or because I am in so much control, but because I know what it's like to be cheated on. Now her husband has found out about other affairs she has had and they are having serious problems. She is currently pregnant with her third child. I still talk to her and I try to find some way to lift her out of her depression but it's hard when most of her problems were caused by her lack of control.

boann: It's his loss. He had someone that had a big heart full of love and compassion and he blew it. Just don't close up your heart because of his lack of control. Not all guys are like that.

[Sava]

I can't stand people who cheat in a relationship. You shouldn't let the misgivings of this fool get you down. There are many good people out there and you will find one. Just don't be fooled into believing him if he says he won't do it again, because he will if you give him that chance.

[Tiamat]

You have become the enabeler in this case. It's similar to when a child does something wrong. We tell them if you do that again xyz will happen so they do it again and it comes time to reinforce the threat of xyz but when that doesn't come through then they know they can do it and get away with it. However, he put you in the position to be the enabeler so shame on him!

My heart is with you. I went through something like this about 8 years ago and thought I couldn't do the alone thing......then I wound up not wanting to do the people thing because I eventually liked the alone thing. No one's coffee to make, no dirty undewear to pick up and wash etc.....but the empty bed thing did suck. You've done the right thing no matter how hard it seems now, it will pass and you have loads of friends and support here. If you ever want to talk just find me on aim or msn and I will stay up with you Since my husband works nights I"m usually here.

A muscian friend of mine wrote a song called I Can Do This. I't's about a break up she was going through and the chorus was really helpful for me when I was down so I send it to you for you to make your mantra, I did and it really helped me.


I can do this
It's only night
It's only day without the light

Oh I can do this
I can make it through
I don't need you
I I can make it out on my own
I can do this

[boann]

thanks tia

[Tiamat]

Always remember your not in it alone. Chin up! You're better then that so don't let it get you down.

[Dis]

As for cheating men do indeed crave sex with many women. These are biological urges.

but that is no excuse!! Most men have urges to have sex with many women, but are able to have self-control.

So I would say it is a lack of self-control.

[Dis]

And because of this lack of self-control taking him back is not a good idea. I think self-control is largely genetic/biological. If he doesn't have it now, don't expect him to have it in the future.

You must find someone who can fight their attractions to other women.

[orange]

boann: I'm very sorry to hear this As someone who's been cheated on before, I know where you're coming from. It's truly sickening, especially when it's someone you love and trust. But with time your faith in humanity will be rebuilt. Surround yourself with friends and family that you know love and trust, and do not make excuses for the slimeball. There is no excuse for adultery.