I just can't control my depression.

[S. Kroeze]

Re: I just can't control my depression.

Originally posted by Provost Harrison
I have been a sufferer of depression for quite some time now, but recently things just seem worse, especially since leaving my PhD (which I thought would be a break for the better). The countless rejections, the complete inability to get recognised or taken at all seriously. I can't get through a first round interview, let alone get a damn job, and it's almost a year since I quit my PhD. Also my present job is undemanding with no prospects and I could be laid off at any time. My anxiety and depression are just spiralling out of control. I have panic attacks, can either feel extreme anger, or just a complete blackness that nothing I think about can break. And most of all, even suicide. I just can't retain control of my life, and all I see is misery, no glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, just hopelessness and feel nothing but pain and misery. Sometimes I can smile and put on a grin but underneath nothing seems worthwhile, everything seems hopeless and a lost cause. I have had counselling on numerous occassions previously but the techniques they are teaching me are just failing to gain any control over my emotions and it never seems to get any better. I am trying to get to see a doctor but it seems to be impossible to get an appointment quickly. What should I do?

Dear Sir/Provost Harrison,

I have not read this thread completely but on the basis of your first post alone I am quite sure you're in serious trouble, unfortunately.
You should visit a psychiatrist -and not a psychologist- as soon as possible, IMMEDIATELY! And don't try to relativize your condition when speaking with a doctor!
Don't be afraid to swallow antidepressants! We should be grateful that drugs exist.

I have some experience with this sort of problems. I have brought my own mother several times to a mental clinic.
Do not expect that there is an easy way out!

In my opinion you have received many valuable advice already. Perhaps you should describe your average day.
Do you do anything at all? Or do you just sleep and sit on the couch, apathetically?
I think it is important to try to live as regularly as possible: rising, eating and going to bed at the same time each day. Do you still eat sufficiently? Do you prepare your own meals?

And physical exercise would definitely help. What you do (jogging, weight lifting, yoga, dancing, aerobics)doesn't matter, you should chose an activity you like (or don't dislike). Start with only 15 minutes every day, but do it every day! When you have some friend who truly cares about you, you could ask him/her to exercise together.
Do you still do your own shopping? You should try to do as much of the daily chores yourself; perhaps you can do them with your mother together.

I wouldn't travel in your present condition. I do not believe that life in a new place would be any easier for you. Writing in a diary might help to set your thoughts and emotions in order.
Do not worry about the future; we humans NEVER know what next day will bring and our only certainty is death.

I am sure you will finish your PhD when you are cured.

Best wishes/Good luck!

S.Kroeze

[pg]

don't go on 300mg of zoloft! even if your doctor thinks it's a good idea. been there, done that, still recovering. and i thought i was ****ed up before, i think my brain is fired now.

[MattHiggs]

Originally posted by Provost Harrison
Hey Higgsy, long time no see. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I just want to improve the situation and then get a start on getting on with the rest of my life.

I've met you on a few occasions, you may be a little shy when it comes to women but you're a nice guy. Soon you'll be in a job you like, or at least get good pay. That will hopefully bring you some confidence and from then on life'll be great. We all have really bad patches in our lives, we've just go to pull through them. I hope it doesn't come down to you taking any forms of medication as I don't believe that's the answer but if it's the last resort and it's what the doctor's tell you then who am I to argue.

[DarkCloud]

What should I do?

1. Make a list about all the things that you like in life.
2. Make a list of all your goals in life.
3. Make a list of how to get those goals. Brainstorm one night.
4. Look at the things you have in life.
5. Look at what you like and what makes you happy.
6. Visit a Jokes website.
7. Read red_jon and Boris's posts.
8. Try to work all the time... or 'play'... keep busy. The number 1 depressing thing is to sit around and do nothing!
9. Socialize?
10. Once again, remember what makes your life enjoyable. Don't think about the troubles... Or if you must- think of how to overcome them.

The countless rejections, the complete inability to get recognised or taken at all seriously.

Hmm... I'd say you were recognized by the Apolyton Hall of Fame... and we all love you here- doesn't that count for anytyhing?

[DarkCloud]

And personally I think Kroze's advice is good as well.

[Urban Ranger]

Oh no, the List Monster has struck again

[Provost Harrison]

Originally posted by DarkCloud

1. Make a list about all the things that you like in life.
2. Make a list of all your goals in life.
3. Make a list of how to get those goals. Brainstorm one night.
4. Look at the things you have in life.
5. Look at what you like and what makes you happy.
6. Visit a Jokes website.
7. Read red_jon and Boris's posts.
8. Try to work all the time... or 'play'... keep busy. The number 1 depressing thing is to sit around and do nothing!
9. Socialize?
10. Once again, remember what makes your life enjoyable. Don't think about the troubles... Or if you must- think of how to overcome them.


Hmm... I'd say you were recognized by the Apolyton Hall of Fame... and we all love you here- doesn't that count for anytyhing?

Fair points. I do work all day long and I have been away a lot of weekends so I manage to remain distracted very effectively. And if I want to relax, a good computer game is quite distracting too. But as for listing goals, you must appreciate that at the moment any dreams or aspirations are nonexistant and likes can be very hazy. I just can't clarify like that now. The whole 'finding things in life enjoyable'. The whole point of this thread is that I don't have that level of control over how I feel. Distraction is the best, and of limited effectiveness.

[Provost Harrison]

...to add, yes, I would consider myself to have friends and be liked. Believe me, that is one of the few things keeping me from doing anything dangerous.

Higgsy, I have tried shaking it, I have tried biting and hoping for something better, but it never arrives, I just leave a trail of f**k-ups. I have thought about this one hard for some time, and at this stage there is no alternative.

[DaShi]

Sever all ties with friends and family.

[Provost Harrison]

Re: Re: I just can't control my depression.

Originally posted by S. Kroeze


Dear Sir/Provost Harrison,

I have not read this thread completely but on the basis of your first post alone I am quite sure you're in serious trouble, unfortunately.
You should visit a psychiatrist -and not a psychologist- as soon as possible, IMMEDIATELY! And don't try to relativize your condition when speaking with a doctor!
Don't be afraid to swallow antidepressants! We should be grateful that drugs exist.

I have some experience with this sort of problems. I have brought my own mother several times to a mental clinic.
Do not expect that there is an easy way out!

In my opinion you have received many valuable advice already. Perhaps you should describe your average day.
Do you do anything at all? Or do you just sleep and sit on the couch, apathetically?

I know there are no easy options. I have tried to work my way out of this by changing the situation I am in, but it just keeps getting worse and worse. I have nothing other than time, I have no choice if I want to get out of this. And I have a full time job (temp) so I am busy all day long, not a very exciting job but it keeps me occupied. The nights can be a bit boring but I don't know many people around here and I try to relax anyway. I often spend a lot of my weekends out of the area visiting friends.

I think it is important to try to live as regularly as possible: rising, eating and going to bed at the same time each day. Do you still eat sufficiently? Do you prepare your own meals?

Depends, sometimes I prepare meals but I live at home with my mother. I do eat plenty (perhaps too much) and I have a quite uniform sleeping pattern. I have manage to keep those things normal.

And physical exercise would definitely help. What you do (jogging, weight lifting, yoga, dancing, aerobics)doesn't matter, you should chose an activity you like (or don't dislike). Start with only 15 minutes every day, but do it every day! When you have some friend who truly cares about you, you could ask him/her to exercise together.

Yeah, it would be good if I could get a pact with someone to go swimming, but the problem is, lack of people I know around here. I have never been a big fan of sport, so I usually do something like swimming or walking, but with time constraints and how hard it is to motivate yourself to do it, it doesn't happen very often.

Do you still do your own shopping? You should try to do as much of the daily chores yourself; perhaps you can do them with your mother together.

I rarely shop, but it's not something that has ever bothered me anyway. You just buy stuff. Although non-grocery shopping makes me very anxious (clothes for example)

I wouldn't travel in your present condition. I do not believe that life in a new place would be any easier for you. Writing in a diary might help to set your thoughts and emotions in order.
Do not worry about the future; we humans NEVER know what next day will bring and our only certainty is death.

Well I would obviously like to pick up my life a bit further, but I think it is worse staying where I am than moving. Although I want to get started with some sort of recovery first.

I am sure you will finish your PhD when you are cured.

Best wishes/Good luck!

S.Kroeze

Well the PhD is something I have left behind, and I don't think the department would want me to return, although if I feel a bit more perky I could be a bit more forceful and bring the university into the matter.

Thanks for the thought and the advice

[TCO]

PH, join a Masters swim group. You will get buff and be in the pool and have some people to talk to.

Quit whimpering and do it.

[Ted Striker]

Provost,

Sorry to dig up an old thread but since I haven't been here in a while I have been looking back at old threads to see what's going on.

Anyway, I was going to say, that you are that guy that everybody looks at and says, this guy has a vibrant personality that everyone likes, thuggish good looks, and an insane amount of talent -- so why is he down on himself all the time?

Now, not being happy with where you are going in life could be one thing -- but I'd say biology is partly to blame here.

Let me ask you, do you get more depressed in winter months than not? I don't know if this has been mentioned in this thread, but there is SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) that affects people in the upper latitudes, of which the UK is smack right in the middle of.

Basically what happens is, your body is extremely sensitive to sunlight, and during the winter, when it's cloudy outside, you don't get your daily dose of sunlight and so your body basically begins to shut down and you get really depressed. No some people are not sensitive to this but I'd say alot of them are. With all those overcast skies, no wonder you guys drink so much tea to stay awake!

It is of NO coincidence that the highest concentration of SAD occur in Scandinavia, Canada, UK, and upper US.

I would HIGHLY recommend that you check this out and see if your symptoms match the SAD. Often times it can be treated very rapidly with special lights that send all the right signals back to your brain to wake the **** back up.

Any chance you could head to Australia where the weather is alot sunnier? Despite AH living there, I have NEVER heard anyone who has gone to Australia say anything bad about it.


Just curious, if you were to resume your PHD, would you have to do it from scratch, or would you have to pick up where you left off?

Anyway I hope you are feeling better.

[Ted Striker]

why is this not showing up where provost can see it?

[MattyBoy]

PH, join a Masters swim group. You will get buff and be in the pool and have some people to talk to.

Quit whimpering and do it.

Funny, this is the thing that worked best for me when my life lacked structure. I would have mentioned it, but it sounded too glib.

All I did was go swimming every day, gradually building up my laps and timing them to track my progress. It made me feel in control.

[Urban Ranger]

ted,

SAD is strange. I personally had it for awhile when I was an undergrad student in the US (specially, the Northeast). My experience is it doesn't cause depression, merely exaggerates your bad moods. When I became depressed due to other reasons - women problems - I felt really rotten, and it's easier to become depressed as the smallest thing can trigger it.