I just can't control my depression.

[alva]

Mercator, reading your post, was like looking into a mirror

[Provost Harrison]

Originally posted by Mercator
I can't believe I hadn't seen this thread earlier. I've been in a similar position for the last year or two I think, although far milder, by the looks of it.

I've been trying to graduate for months now, but I just can't seem to get into it, and it's really time to make some decisions, but all I do is hang around watching TV and browsing through 'Poly, basically. And I have an extremely irregular sleeping pattern too, not to mention an utter lack of friends (or much social contact whatsoever)...

But I am attending a weekly group for those trying to graduate, and I'm by far the youngest, all the others are in their 8th or later year and should really get done by now, while I'm really not that far behind on schedule.
The only incentive I had earlier was getting to Japan, but that isn't going to happen this year either since I got rejected for the scholarship about 6 moths ago (I'm still following a course in Japanese though, which I enjoy, but as with the rest don't actually do much for, except for going to the weekly lesson).

I really have the idea I know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing to get out of this, but I just can't seem to start. I want to go swimming (at least once a week), and the pool's right across the street so I have no excuses there, I want to get a temp job (me working on my thesis usually ends up being just one or two unproductive days per week, so I could just as well start doing something more to get myself going again, some more social interaction, more work and more exercise should give me better spirit the rest of the time to work on my thesis)...

But that's all talk... whenever I end up having to go do something I escape to PC, TV or a book, or I go grovel in self-pity and decide I'm going to have to do something...

What does your week look like PH? Do you work 5 days a week, 9 to 5? And you say you're regularly visiting friends, do you talk to them about this, or do you just go there to have fun?

If you're planning to go do some sports, maybe we could plan together... Pick a date and time for when to look into the details, get things sorted and start training!

In any case, good luck! You can do it (and I can too), I'm sure of it! Everybody loves you!

Hey there Merc, this stuff sounds damn familiar. Although I ran on schedule doing my degree and stuff motivation and willpower were sadly lacking, hence I got the 2:2 when people tell me I was capable of far better. Ah well, that is something I have to live with now.

It is very difficult to overcome the lethargy and lack of motivation. I have found that age has made things better in that regard, I can do a full weeks work - I am quite determined with something. But the whole job thing and woman thing is still really getting to me, although not so much the latter at the moment.

Yeah, I sometimes talk about it with some friends, but only in the right circumstances. I manage to get out and try to have some fun, it is easier said than done, but I am trying to make the effort.

As for sports, well, I have never, ever liked sport and school physical education certainly never helped with this, so the idea of sport brings this horrible feeling in the bottom of my stomach. But I do like swimming, so I use that to my advantage instead. I have made a pact with a mate in Manchester that if I finally get sorted with moving over there and getting a job that we would both go swimming together and thus give each other encouragement. It would be a bit harder to do that online methinks.

But socialising...yes...I can just generally fall back on my personality on this one, but it isn't easy. I certainly can't go up to absolute strangers and start talking, I think it is important to have the system of introduction and make friends through other friends. All my friends seem to be scattered (Manchester, London, Oxford, York, etc, etc, etc...) but strangely next to none where I live which is odd.

I know it is a real b*tch to get motivated, it requires a lot of energy, and is very hard to resolve. Perhaps a good bit of introspection and trying to figure out the root causes of this stuff would be good, counselling perhaps to try and figure out what causes it. As I say, this could be neurochemical, something which you have no control over...

But I am sure you will get it sorted. My motivation at the moment to work is financial. When you have been unemployed for a long time you are glad of the work, and that having nothing to do is a lot worse than having lots to do. And work can be distracting too, you just need to be able to get stuck into it and enjoy it (which can be easier said than done).

University is like that, left to your own devices. I find it hard to function like that, I like to have people around me, not so much keeping tabs on me, but know that I am required to function so they can function so that you cannot slack. It works remarkably effectively for me. When left with a pile of notes and textbooks and 'revise', I just couldn't pluck up the motivation. A lot of that is about circumstance.

[Ted Striker]

So are you back in the PHD program? Just curious that yuou mentioned university.

[Provost Harrison]

No, I won't return to that PhD, I'd rather start over at another department than go back there, it would be a step backwards, and I couldn't endure all the f**king around and crap again.

[Ted Striker]

Aight. Sounds like you did the right thing if you hated it so much.

[Provost Harrison]

I didn't hate my work but just all the other sh*t that went with it.

[Dinner]

All the sh!t and politics is why I called it quits after I got my bachleors degree. If you really like a subject and you want to make it your life's work then fine but the risk to reward just wasn't enough for me.

[Provost Harrison]

I know exactly the feeling...

[el freako]

... some hints from someone who's been depressed since 1988, and diagnosed since 1996 ...


Keep a diary - this can be hard with the motivational issues that depression thows up - but, and this is crucial, it can be a good way to keep track of whether you really are going downhill worse than before or if your current perceptions are interfering.

Drugs can be useful, but they are only like painkillers - they help alliviate the symptoms whilst you work on a cure.
Contact your local mental health team (this will be attached to your local health trust), they will be able to advise you and suggest help (although the mental health seems to be the poor relative in the NHS family - and that's saying something)
You could also contact MIND - both I and my wife have found them very helpful.

Don't let a small setback make you believe that you are failing - two steps backwards is ok if you make three forward. This is where a record like the diary I mentioned can help - also consult your friends (and try to believe them when they say good things, not just when they say bad ones).

[Provost Harrison]

I think the good thing/bad thing problem is a big struggle, I certainly do not take rejection well, and as the past year seems to have been nothing but that it has exacerbated things. Well I am seeing my doctor on Tuesday so I'll take it from there...

I am hoping that antidepressants will allow me to lift the cloud a bit, at least enough to be able to tackle the problems I have. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this and how things should be, but I just can't shake it. If I can at least have a bit of assistance, I may be able to sort it out.

[Sirotnikov]

It's a too long thread to read. I gave up on page 5.

I would suggest you do start to exercise. It can get boring so do it in a gym with other people - if you can get your friends to go along.

[Solly]

Have you changed anything in your life as a result of the advice given here, Rich?

[TCO]

Hey Derek. How's it going. I figured you were in Afghanistan...or the "Puzzle Palace".

[Provost Harrison]

Originally posted by Boddington's
Have you changed anything in your life as a result of the advice given here, Rich?

As I said Stew, I am at the doctors tomorrow night. I am not in a position to sort anything out, I have been applying for jobs, didn't work, I have tried to get out here, didn't work. It's a vicious circle...just read will you?

[Solly]

Applied to do a few hours volunteering at weekends?

Joined a dance class to work on that confidence, co-ordination and also meet loads of women?