I just can't control my depression.

[Provost Harrison]

I have been a sufferer of depression for quite some time now, but recently things just seem worse, especially since leaving my PhD (which I thought would be a break for the better). The countless rejections, the complete inability to get recognised or taken at all seriously. I can't get through a first round interview, let alone get a damn job, and it's almost a year since I quit my PhD. Also my present job is undemanding with no prospects and I could be laid off at any time. My anxiety and depression are just spiralling out of control. I have panic attacks, can either feel extreme anger, or just a complete blackness that nothing I think about can break. And most of all, even suicide. I just can't retain control of my life, and all I see is misery, no glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, just hopelessness and feel nothing but pain and misery. Sometimes I can smile and put on a grin but underneath nothing seems worthwhile, everything seems hopeless and a lost cause. I have had counselling on numerous occassions previously but the techniques they are teaching me are just failing to gain any control over my emotions and it never seems to get any better. I am trying to get to see a doctor but it seems to be impossible to get an appointment quickly. What should I do?

[Asher]

At the risk of being flamed by the usual suspects, have you considered some kind of antidepressant medication?

[Provost Harrison]

Yes Asher, I am very seriously considering it. Whether my doctor does is the issue...

[Provost Harrison]

I have tried to overcome it by force of mind, but I just don't have control. It undermines every aspect of my life, I have no self esteem or confidence in anything, and no hope. I think the time has come where I feel that there is no other option than to try medication, whatever the side effects.

[SlowwHand]

Does being depressed help anything?

[Dinner]

Look on the bright side PH. You're job is insecure but at least you have one. You could be laid off like I am. BTW an ex-girlfriend of mine suffered from sever bouts of depression. I don't think she was ever suicidal but she would lock herself in her room and not come out for days on end. She eventually found a good theropist who helped her through her depression and after wards she said the hardest part was admiting to herself she had a problem.

[Provost Harrison]

No, it totally ruins any quality of life I would otherwise have.

[Caligastia]

You need to make a big change in your life. Save some money and go travel for a while. Throw yourself in the deep end. Didn't some people on here say your skills are in high demand here in the states? You should seriously look into moving.

Medication probably isn't the answer. I can't say I know you terribly well, but I reckon you are stronger than that.

[Boris Godunov]

My depression was in college, and a lot of it had to do with coping with the sexuality issue. A doctor put me on Zoloft for a bit, but I had no appreciable improvement due to it. It wasn't a chemical problem for me, it was a self-esteem issue.

I overcame the depression by accepting who I was, but I had to tear everything down first and start from scratch. All my perceptions of who I was were cast aside and I rebuilt. Today I'm quite a contented person. Even when things are going badly, I don't get very down at all, which is a sign I'm doing good in the depression area. I was lucky in that my bout was pretty short.

Seek out a new you. Discover who you are, look at yourself in the mirror and find the things you like and focus on them. Take the things you dislike and either work to change them or just learn to accept them as part of the whole package. Love yourself as you would want another to love you.

[Provost Harrison]

I admit, and have admitted for a long time that I have a problem Oerdin, but I thought I could gain control, perhaps I can for short periods, but the underlying cause never goes away. I should have strong confidence in my position, but there is nothing but pessimism and bleakness.

[Dinner]

Try telling the doctor exactly what you told us and he 'll be able to help you in the right direction. Until then try to get some fresh air and force yourself to go out and do things. Even if you don't feel like it.

[SlowwHand]

Not a fan of medications. They mask/suppress, not cure.

[Asher]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
Not a fan of medications. They mask/suppress, not cure.

They're a tool on the way to a cure, they're not a magic solution.

You can't get over your depression when you're in a bleak state like Rich has described, you may need a boost to help you out.

[Shadowstrike]

Have you tried drowning it out in computer games? Long marathon matches of Civ can take your mind off your problems, if anything.

[Caligastia]

Originally posted by Oerdin
Try telling the doctor exactly what you told us and he 'll be able to help you in the right direction. Until then try to get some fresh air and force yourself to go out and do things. Even if you don't feel like it.

Good advice.