I just can't control my depression.

[lightblue]

Hmm you really seem to be in a bad way. By the end of my period as a PhD I was completely depressed, didn't want to socailise with people, even avoided my housemates. I found that for me sport (and adrenaline in particular) really helped. It teaches you how to set goals and how to get to them. And physical well being results in mental well being. As well as increasing your chances of getting laid obviously... Once I got out my depressive stage, I found i was better able to make decisions, so I quit my PhD and started this MSc. On the same note once I got out of this stage I got a really cute (now ex) girlfriend within weeks, which is just about the best way to increase your selfconfidence.
The main thing is to raise your confidence. Find something your good at, and do it until you feel good about yourself. In my case it is sports, in your case it might be something completely different. Start planning your future, set targets and try to achieve them. Reward yourself when you do.
Don't get too focused on job interviews, I genreally find that the more relaxed you go into interviews the more likely you are to get it (I went to an interview for my PhD at cambridge, with the absolute thought that there was not a cats chance in hell of me getting it so I just went and was myself, and got the place).

I have said it before and i'll say it again, medication is not a solution. Neither is alcohol or drugs. All they do is mask or increase the effects. Paying for sex is only going to completely wallop whatever shreds of selfbelief you have.

In a way AH is right. You have to realise that you are being too hard on yourself and that you have to snap out of wallowing in your own self pity however strangely comforting it may be. It might take some time but you just have to force yourself to do the things you don't think you can do.

[Dr Strangelove]

When you go to your doctor the first thing you need to say to him/her is: "I think I'm depressed". That will focus the doc on the problem and finding a solution. Maybe things are different in Britain, but most docs here would start considering which medication to put you on. Maybe when your depression starts to lift things will look different.

Let's ask this: If you weren't able to do Biochemistry what would you like to do?

Would you be suitable for teaching?

[Provost Harrison]

I don't know whether I would have the patience for teaching (in terms of the little brats), but the holidays are pay are pretty nice...

[Dr Strangelove]

Did you get a master's degree? Wouldn't you be suitable to teach high school kids?

Does the UK have the equivalent of Community Colleges? Over here a master's degree would be quite sufficient to teach in one.

[orange]

Community college might be a good start PH. Good advice from Dr. S

[Alexander's Horse]

Yeah go and see a doctor.

Pay no attention to me

Being depressed is no fun.

Maybe you have that disorder where lack of sunlight gets you down............

I've had long periods of sort of chronic depression in my life, often brought on my excessive work or study, alck of exercise, proper diet, whatever.

I guess I'm lucky because I'm sort of self medicating

Exercise is very good for clearing out the cobwebs, and has chemical benefits as others have mentioned.

Another thing, which a Brit would understand but an American might not, is that hobbies, collecting things, eccentricity, whatever, are bliss. If you have some interests - I used to like toy soldiers - just escaping into that little world can do you the world of good. A ot of gardeners cope like that - a few hours with the flowers and they are as right as rain. Pets - great. Your dog will always love you. If all else fails, hug your Teddy.

Also, focussing on other people is great - do something nice for someone, be kind to your Mom. A burden shared is a burden halved. There are people around you who love you and would do anything for you. They've got their troubles too you know.......you can help.

I find prayer and meditation useful - bad luck you don't have that to fall back on eh?

[*End Is Forever*]

Originally posted by Dr Strangelove
Did you get a master's degree? Wouldn't you be suitable to teach high school kids?

Does the UK have the equivalent of Community Colleges? Over here a master's degree would be quite sufficient to teach in one.

He'd need to go back and do one more year of study... a PGCE, and then he could teach. They are screaming out for science teachers at the moment...

[Seeker]

Come teach English with me.

Apartment: paid

Taxes: Don't transfer anything back to your UK account

utilities: low, low low, I pay less than $20 Cnd a month

Hours: low

Money: start at approx $33 000 a year, go up a bit every year for 4 years, then you need a MA or real teaching degree to get more.

Fun: Pick well and don't take the first thing, get a big city like Seoul or Taipei. Get tired of Asian stuff? Hang out with the other expats!

Reward/'spirit' category:
You are teaching kids and adults around the world an essential skill they will need to succeed in the future. Teaching a class that's motivated is fun and rewarding. Every day is a cultural exchange.

SECURITY: The world is a long, long, long way from English saturation. This is a job that's going to be there. This is a job where they want people, they really really want people, they will arrange things so you can get there. Have you ever gone to job interview feeling like you had to beg? This is a job where recruiters get paid for finding qualified people.

Qualifications: 4 year university level BA. English is preferred but totally unnecessary.

NO ATTTACHMENTS: Although some outfits make provisions for kids, etc. you really don't want a family in the little apartment they give you.

[Dr Strangelove]

Alright people, I think we got us a plan! Now all we need is the vict....errrrr, I mean the fortunate job applicant. PH, are you still there? PH?

[devilmunchkin]

provost: therapy takes TIME to work. it also takes work..and then some more work...and working on it is never done...i've been in therapy since age two trying to get thru life....and i've just gotten to the point where my behavior had changed, although my insides are the same..
it takes time...to work. also, maybe it is a chemical imbalance you have, although i think what you have sounds like good 'ol frustration at your life not going like you want it too. you might consider getting back into the phd thing....make a chart and way the pros and cons of the options you have before you...life is going to make you eat ****..over and over before it gets better
i'm here for ya bud....

[gamenaught]

Meds. Lots of 'em if needed.

I suffered many years w depression. Went through a couple of doctors who were timid in their meds approach. The third one was very aggressive and it worked. Probably saved my life. Sure, I'd rather not have this salad of chemicals filtering through my brain but it sure beats a bullet.

[Urban Ranger]

Rich, my suggestion for you is to become a volunteer. Being a volunteer rebuilds you and boosts your confidence because of your ability to achieve things.

I reckon your depression stems from your perception of your own inability to achieve. So go out today and become a volunteer. Red Cross, Oxfam, whatever. Find a reputable organisation that fits you.

Go now.

[Boris Godunov]

Seeker, while good advice for someone seeking something different to do, I wouldn't really recommend that path for someone suffering from depression. Moving to a foreign country with a very different and perhaps initially uncomfortable culture where one knows no one and is thousands of miles away from loved ones might not help such a person.

[TCO]

Get a workout program. Get buff like the gayboys.

[molly bloom]

Provost, you have my very earnest sympathies. I have had the black dog of clinical depression hound me twice for extended periods, and it isn't easy shaking it off.

I exercised regularly- not competitive sports but weight training and circuit training. The ensuing endorphin rush is a tremendous alleviator of depression, and not only that, you also get a better looking body to boot. If you like swimming, all the better. The fitter you are, the fitter you feel, the more sexually self-confident you are likely to feel. Your sex drive should certainly increase.

I also recommend getting some sunshine. Never underestimate the power of seasonal affective depression- the Inuits know about it. I had a short holiday in Morocco when I was at a low ebb, and the sunshine, fantastic food and change of scenery, and the effort required to speak in French or Arabic or Spanish meant I couldn't dwell on depressive thoughts.

As you say, breaking the cycle is necessary, because eventually deep-seated depression becomes the snake biting its tail- the worse you feel about yourself, the less you are likely to feel able to do anything about the depression. You have to itemize the depressive elements, and not think about all of them at the same time- they aren't all equally important, but each may be occupying an inordinately large position in your mind, together preventing you from dealing with them separately.

Also- the tricyclics do help some people, so think of medication not as an end in itself, but as only one footfall on your path to recovery. Strangely enough, religious music (gregorian chant, Hildegard of Bingen's works, choral music) does have a calming effect- not so much the lyrical content but the sound registers and intervals. I do recommend it, and also meditation if you know of anywhere that offers courses. Also, consider tai chi or yoga- both have a rejuvenating effect.

My best wishes for a speedy resolution.