Vel's Strat Thread - Flirting - Pt. 1 - Icebreakers (for shy guys, 'specially)

[Ishtar]

Oh, come on...don't spoil the fun...

these are all learning opportunities...

[Velociryx]

The Lady *does* make a good point, DF....

-=Vel=-

[Ishtar]

Why, Thank you Vel.

After all, I'd say I've learned a thing or two in the last 24 hours..

[Velociryx]

::brushes some flour and odd bits of pancake batter from your shoulder::

Yeah? Like what?

-=Vel=-

[Ishtar]

Let's see...the first lesson would have been...just talk to the man, silly. What's he gonna do....bite you? LOL Look how this started...I asked one simple question...and now, we're brushin flour off each other... :-)

So...whether it's a guy trying to talk to a girl, or a girl trying to talk to a guy....we gotta overcome that "scared" thing!!

How do we do that? Hold your breath and JUMP!!

[Velociryx]

Wise words....wise words indeed.

Oops...missed a spot with that whole flour thing....

-=Vel=-
(who is well trained, housebroken, and--generally--does not bite) LOL

[Ishtar]

We missed a spot? We left a spot not floured? Oh Damn. We'd better start all over again...don't like to leave things undone...

Well trained and housebroken? What are you? One of a kind? Seems so!! Now for the biting...well....guess that's best left to the imagination.. ;-)

--

The "I'm scared"...well, gettin over it isn't gonna be easy. I'll admit it. I'm scared. Scared of rejection, scared of screwing up, scared of running him off, just plain scared. Guess that's what happens to us when things go very wrong a few times....we get scared to risk it again. But, if we don't take the risk..how're we gonna spend the rest of our lives...alone and lonely...is that what we want to do? I think not.

How many of us are really shy as opposed to just plain scared? Oh, I'm quiet at first...but I'll come out of my shell eventually...the fear? That's another thing.

[Velociryx]

::nodding:: That's a good point. The difference between shyness and an outright FEAR of doing...anything.

Related, but quite distinct and different, I think.

For myself, I used to be REALLY shy...I mean, to the point where I'd hunch down to try and hide how tall I was cos I thought it drew too much attention to myself.

But slowly (and perhaps I was fortunate to have made lasting friendships with some *really* outgoing people), I started timidly experimenting, and found out that when I just cut loose and let go, I could really make people laugh. Got to the point where I was rather liking that, and then experimented with it some more.

Now, sometimes you're hard pressed to shut me up...LOL

Oh...I'll admit, in a room full of strangers, I'll be the quiet one...but these days, it's not about shyness. I'm the quiet one with the mildly amused look on his face who's got three dozen things to say on the tip of his tongue and just waits for those "perfect moments" to blurt something totally unexpected out.

As to the scared part....sometimes, yep. That's me. Less with social interactions these days, and more often with regards to how my stories and poems and artwork (bryce3d creations) are recieved/viewed, but occassionally with people too.

I guess I finally just reached the conclusion that I AM a screw up...LOL...and no amount of worrying over it will change that...

Hmmm....yes....I think we've given the flour QUITE enough time to settle....(smudging some more of it on your cheek) ::impish grin::

-=Vel=-

[Ishtar]

Originally posted by Velociryx

As to the scared part....sometimes, yep. That's me. Less with social interactions these days, and more often with regards to how my stories and poems and artwork (bryce3d creations) are recieved/viewed, but occassionally with people too.

I guess I finally just reached the conclusion that I AM a screw up...LOL...and no amount of worrying over it will change that...

Hmmm....yes....I think we've given the flour QUITE enough time to settle....(smudging some more of it on your cheek) ::impish grin::

-=Vel=-

Vel...you should NOT be scared about your stories, poetry or artwork...I've been over there....you're awesome. The poetry makes me laugh, smile, and cry. The artwork you let me peek at is just well... "magical".

You don't appear to be a screw up...but...if you are, welcome to the club...we're all a little screwed up.

Now, for the flour...that has been so much fun...I say we do breakfast again soon!! :-)

[MrWhereItsAt]

--Yawns. Wakes Up. Rubs eyes. Logs on. Almost spills breakfast when sees what Vel wrote about me earlier.--

So, Vel, I am MrFun to you, am I? Hmm.... So, what are you trying to suggest?

I'm no Ishtar, but maybe...

[Flubber]

Hmmm according to profiles we have a 37 year old female and a 33 year old male with a lot in common. Vel is listed in South Carolina and it would be great if Ishtar is close enough geographically that you could meet and actually do the stargazing thing.

Vel, Vel , Vel . . . why am I not suprised that you would come out with a startegy guide for meeting women? Well I thought it was accurate as an approach -- excellent really-- although it should not be quite as hard as you make it seem

1. some of your props are more appropriate to some settings that others-- a sketch pad at a dance bar would look odd . . . but then again, it should get you noticed-- Its a saw off-- it may attract some women while others may think you are "weird"

2. personally, smoking is a major turnoff so the "got a light" trick would be of limited use to me and i suspect to many others .. . but again I love the premise of just finding a commonality and going with it


I posted on a similar topic some months back and I still believe that the "trick" for 90% of guys is simply to gather up enough courage to approach the woman in the first place. While a married guy now, I recall when I radically changed my dating life in my early 20s. In my teens I had a couple of "steadies" but spent a lot of time alone.

Then I pretty much said to myself that this sucks. Its a big town and if you approach a girl its not like its going to be a huge big deal. I was in school at the time so it was easy. I just started approaching women I knew and liked at school and most said yes.

Newsflash here:

If a woman is single and is approached by a sensible guy that she finds remotely attractive, the woman is going to want to give the guy EVERY opportunity. If you get shot down while being sensible honest and straight-forward, she either was not attracted to you or perhaps isn't that nice to begin with.

Flamboyance is a possible tactic but the reality is that, while it may get you attention, you may not attract the specific girl you want. You might be faced with an uphill battle if she thinks that " oh thats that weirdo with the sketch pad"--



Vel, I liked your concept of props to attract the women to you, but don't know that it is really necessary if you have a little confidence and good conversational skills. My wife said she loved the fact that I would chat about anything, and I still don't think she realized, in the early days, that most of the topics were about her.

I'm average looking with no props or particular skills ,except a LOT of general knowledge and varied interests, and I never had a problem getting a date, once I got over my confidence issues and actually ASKED some women out. On the approach, you ALWAYS have something in common-- you are in the same place after all. My approach was always to ask a question that would lead to the woman talking a bit about an easy topic for a while. That allows her to get used to you in a nonthreatening way and gain confidence herself as she talks about something she is familiar with. People are also happy when they see someone listening to them and valuing their ideas.

Imagine : A coffee shop with a women reading a novel

"excuse me I see you are reading ***** , I have never read them but have been looking for new authors to try , would you recommend them?"

If she is rude well then you don't want to be with her anyway. If she is not and answers you question, well you are off to the races as you can certainly segue after a minute into sitting down with her to continue the conversation. It may turn out she is unavailable, not interested or whatever but at worst you have a conversation with an attractive woman,


I have gotten dates in lines at university registration. We did it in groups by GPA so you knew she was a good student LOL. Start with an easy comment about the line or the wait to get the woman facing/acknowledging you and then ask a question. You can softball it with a question as to the courses she is taking and then draw her out talking about her area. Whether its a physics major who expounds on how to build a laser or a French major relating her experience during immersion, SHE is sure to enjoy the conversation since almost everyone likes to talk about themselves. Then at the end

" i really enjoyed our chat and would love to meet again. How about coffee/ dinner/ I meet you at *** after you get your courses"

Keys are

1. Honesty
2. Interest in HER
3. tact and politeness throughout --you never know what could offend at this stage


Just some ramblings from a married guy who at times recalls fondly the " excitement" of dating . . . but then looks at Mrs Flubber and wouldn't go back to it ever. I figure the whole point is to "get" something I already have.

[Blackwidow24]

hey vel did you check out the Austin meet pics??? See Rico Suave (kaak) making the moves?? That is how its done

[Ishtar]

Originally posted by Flubber
Hmmm according to profiles we have a 37 year old female and a 33 year old male with a lot in common. Vel is listed in South Carolina and it would be great if Ishtar is close enough geographically that you could meet and actually do the stargazing thing.

Actually, Flubber, I am in SC. I am within a few driving hours of Vel's Columbia. So...we shall see what comes of it...Stargazing does sound like FUN. :-)

Ish

[Velociryx]

Just back from lunch wid da boss!

::goes back and re-reads::

MrWhereIt'sAt: Yep....I really DID do that, didn't I?! LOL...sorry bud, and in my defense, I didn't get a lotta sleep last night...was up late chattin'....

BW: Yep...saw those slick moves Kaak had goin' on....two thumbs up!!

Flubber: Outstanding points re: the fact that ultimately, props aren't necessary. I totally agree with ya! Sometimes though, especially for folks who are REALLY shy, having something tangible to fall back on can be a real confidence booster. In time, as that confidence is just naturally there, the props fall away (or can)....so yeah....total agreement...

Ishtar: Dang it! LOL...got me doin' the blush thing all over again.... ahhh, but that's okay...I'm lovin' it! And thank you for the kind words regarding the art/poetry. The former, I'm still improving...the latter...well, I still write some (poetry), but not nearly as much as I used to. I think I've peaked where that form of expression is concerned....I guess I'm *fairly* confident in my abilities as a poet, so-so with the novels, and VERY shaky where my abilities at makin' pretty pictures go...LOL But I'm glad you enjoyed them...

-=Vel=-

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Ishtar


Actually, Flubber, I am in SC. I am within a few driving hours of Vel's Columbia. So...we shall see what comes of it...Stargazing does sound like FUN. :-)

Ish

Well if vel is as smart as i think he is, he would be willing to meet you halfway. Keep us posted if anything real happens LOL