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  • Evil, evil Finland

    It can't have escaped anyone's notice that the net is crawling with Finns. Despite the fact that their total population is laughably small, at any given time around 60% of people online anywhere turn out to be Finnish. Even if you seek refuge on forums entirely dedicated to ancient mongolian skin complaints, at some point a Janni or Tommi or Aaasol will show up and be irritatingly chirpy.

    Sinister, isn't it? Fortunately my army of gimp researchers are on the case and are now ready to reveal the TRUTH about evil, evil Finland. Here we go....

    1- The Winter War. What the hell happened there? When Joe Stalin's T-34's rolled into central Europe the Wehrmacht and Waffen-SS screamed like girls and ran away. However all it took was a few dozen of Santa's little helpers lobbing snowballs and the Russkis bottled out in Finland. What really happened? Is the truth too horrible to reveal.

    2- Linux. Open-source coding meant that the entire structure of Western capitalism was under threat. Fortunately all that happened was that a few dozen ubergeeks experienced immediate and uncontrollable climax while the rest of the world yawned and loaded up Windows. Try harder, evil Finns.

    3- Anyway, I've heard that Linus Torsvald smells of chisels.

    4- When Tolkien wanted to create a people who were inhuman, pointy-eared and as camp as Butlins, whose language did he base their speech on? Yup- you guessed it.

    5- Mobile phones. Utterly dominated by those skulking trolls between Sweden and Russia. Their phones get smaller every day- ideal for those spindly elven fingers, but damning the rest of humanity to cordless communication serfdom. Do you think you're going to get away with it?

    6- It's an established fact that if you want to be a great distance runner you have to come from a hot country. So where do Paavo Nurmi and Lasse Viren come in? I can now reveal that their "training" regime consisted of them having raw chillies stuffed up their bums and having starving packs of wild dogs unleashed on them. It won them loads of gold medals but at what cost, Finland? At what cost?

    7- Rally driving is totally dominated by Finns. This is because Finland's national sport involves using high-powered 4-wheel drive cars to run over elks. The record is held by Hannu Mikkola who successfully ran over 24 inside 2 minutes. He would have got more but his wheels got jammed by bits of snapped-off antler and leg.

    8- Norway is famous for it's fjords. These are made by Finns who sneak across at night and steal bits of the coastline, taking it back to Finland to make small hills. At the current rate of theft, by 2500 AD Norway will be only 200 metres wide.

    9- Take a look at a map of Finland. Go on, take a look. Absolutely millions of lakes. That can't be right.

    10- It's believed that the preponderance of lakes in Finland is due to them being stolen from other countries by Finns, along with their partners in lake-crime, Canada.

    11- Anyway, what do you get in lakes? Abandoned shopping trollies, spindly things with chewing mouth-parts, and bodies. Add it up.

    12- Santa Claus. Finland has been hailed as the home of Santa Claus since the 20th century. During that time, children's toys have displayed rising levels of dead spiders, razor blades and grit.

    13- Finland's national dish is an elk scrotum fried in batter.

    14- The last Suomithreadi contained detailed instructions on how to make home-brewed Rohypnol, as well as an incantation for summoning Satan.

    15- Finns attract sharks. I have no figures to back this up.

    16- Derby County FC. The reason for Georgi Kinkladze's recent poor form is that, in their last match agaist Liverpool, he was beaten to death with his own leg while the referee's back was turned. The culprit was Sami Hyppia. A Finn.

    17- Where's ottok? What have you done with him?

    18- If all the world's Finns were laid end to end they'd cause a really nasty traffic jam.
    The genesis of the "evil Finn" concept- Evil, evil Finland

  • #2
    Speaking of Erith:

    "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

    Comment


    • #3
      ROFLMFAO!

      Classic gimp.
      When all else fails, blame brown people. | Hire a teen, while they still know it all. | Trump-Palin 2016. "You're fired." "I quit."

      Comment


      • #4
        very entertaining

        the anti-us trolls were getting a little tiresome

        Jon Miller
        (you gotta mix it up people)
        Jon Miller-
        I AM.CANADIAN
        GENERATION 35: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

        Comment


        • #5
          Book 'em Danno

          The state I live in, Maryland, has been repeatedly victimized by these sinister people. Do you know how many natural lakes there are in the state of Maryland? Not one. That's zero. Zip. Nada. But the Finnish Embassy is just a couple miles away in Washington DC, and now Finland has thousands of 'em. How did that happen? Let me tell you. Last night I was walking down by our local artifical pond (see what these evil Finns have reduced us to? ) when I spotted a man acting suspiciously. Before I could challenge him, he hopped in a car with Finnish diplomatic plates and drove off at a high rate of speed. We need to put a stop to this lake heisting RIGHT NOW before further ecological damage is done.
          Old posters never die.
          They j.u.s.t..f..a..d..e...a...w...a...y....

          Comment


          • #6


            All that and sauna's too.
            Well, lets just imagine my question is not hypothetical then...
            -
            My God, I'm thirty, I need a drink - english textbook spelling error

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            • #7
              Pool Manager - Lombardi Handicappers League - An NFL Pick 'Em Pool

              https://youtu.be/HLNhPMQnWu4

              Comment


              • #8

                Comment


                • #9
                  Poor Finns.......
                  I need Scooby Snacks.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Even if you seek refuge on forums entirely dedicated to ancient mongolian skin complaints, at some point a Janni or Tommi or Aaasol will show up and be irritatingly chirpy.
                    Whatever you say, Brayanleigh.

                    1- The Winter War. What the hell happened there? When Joe Stalin's T-34's rolled into central Europe the Wehrmacht and Waffen-SS screamed like girls and ran away. However all it took was a few dozen of Santa's little helpers lobbing snowballs and the Russkis bottled out in Finland. What really happened? Is the truth too horrible to reveal.
                    This just goes to prove that Finns deserve to rule the world. Americans had to be saved by FRANCE when they couldn't get independent by themselves, and Brits almost had their asses kicked by FRANCE during Napoleonic Wars, and France is FRANCE, but Finland has had nothing to do with FRANCE, and will not either not neither.

                    Also, two words - yellow snowballs.

                    2- Linux. Open-source coding meant that the entire structure of Western capitalism was under threat. Fortunately all that happened was that a few dozen ubergeeks experienced immediate and uncontrollable climax while the rest of the world yawned and loaded up Windows. Try harder, evil Finns.
                    You think that Ville "Bill Gates" Portti and his company, MikroPehmeä, aren't Finnish?

                    3- Anyway, I've heard that Linus Torsvald smells of chisels.
                    How can you hear a smell? Brits.

                    4- When Tolkien wanted to create a people who were inhuman, pointy-eared and as camp as Butlins, whose language did he base their speech on? Yup- you guessed it.
                    And when Tolkein wanted to create people who were fat, hairy-feeted, gluttonous, and spent their days puffing on some unspecified plant with (most likely) narcotic quantities, he didn't just limit himself to ripping off English language.

                    5- Mobile phones. Utterly dominated by those skulking trolls between Sweden and Russia. Their phones get smaller every day- ideal for those spindly elven fingers, but damning the rest of humanity to cordless communication serfdom. Do you think you're going to get away with it?
                    We're going to get us away, ha-haa! We're going to get us away, ha haa he hee ho hoo!

                    6- It's an established fact that if you want to be a great distance runner you have to come from a hot country.
                    Yaaah stifle yerself Dingbat.

                    So where do Paavo Nurmi and Lasse Viren come in?
                    Mrs. Nurmi and Mrs. Viren, I hope.

                    I can now reveal that their "training" regime consisted of them having raw chillies stuffed up their bums and having starving packs of wild dogs unleashed on them. It won them loads of gold medals but at what cost, Finland? At what cost?
                    Approximately 5000$ spent on doping.

                    7- Rally driving is totally dominated by Finns. This is because Finland's national sport involves using high-powered 4-wheel drive cars to run over elks. The record is held by Hannu Mikkola who successfully ran over 24 inside 2 minutes. He would have got more but his wheels got jammed by bits of snapped-off antler and leg.
                    We don't just drive over elks. We also love to castrate them by biting off their Jolly Nuggets.

                    8- Norway is famous for it's fjords. These are made by Finns who sneak across at night and steal bits of the coastline, taking it back to Finland to make small hills. At the current rate of theft, by 2500 AD Norway will be only 200 metres wide.
                    [nerd-who-thinks-he-can-be-as-funny-as-Douglas-Adams-by-mindlessly-parroting-Douglas-Adams mode]Oooo, ehhehe, hehe, we didn't make fjords, Slartibartfast made them! *sprays spit on Brits* [/nerd-who-thinks-he-can-be-as-funny-as-Douglas-Adams-by-mindlessly-parroting-Douglas-Adams mode]

                    9- Take a look at a map of Finland. Go on, take a look. Absolutely millions of lakes. That can't be right.
                    Yes, well, you've got Prince Charles, and he certainly isn't right.

                    10- It's believed that the preponderance of lakes in Finland is due to them being stolen from other countries by Finns, along with their partners in lake-crime, Canada.
                    "Team of Israel! What is your answer?"

                    "CANADA!"

                    11- Anyway, what do you get in lakes? Abandoned shopping trollies, spindly things with chewing mouth-parts, and bodies. Add it up.
                    I get 23765.

                    12- Santa Claus. Finland has been hailed as the home of Santa Claus since the 20th century. During that time, children's toys have displayed rising levels of dead spiders, razor blades and grit.
                    Because those damn Yankees force Santa to go through chimney. SANTA COMES TO VISIT YOU PERSONALLY IF YOU ASK HIM!

                    13- Finland's national dish is an elk scrotum fried in batter.
                    "An" elk scrotum"? Everyone knows that good plate of Finland's national food requires at least two elk's scrotums.

                    14- The last Suomithreadi contained detailed instructions on how to make home-brewed Rohypnol, as well as an incantation for summoning Satan.
                    I don't like us being misunderestimated.

                    15- Finns attract sharks. I have no figures to back this up.
                    That's because we keep ourself CLEAN.

                    16- Derby County FC. The reason for Georgi Kinkladze's recent poor form is that, in their last match agaist Liverpool, he was beaten to death with his own leg while the referee's back was turned. The culprit was Sami Hyppia. A Finn.
                    Legs are for sissies. Last week I killed a Brit with his eyelid.

                    17- Where's ottok? What have you done with him?
                    We got him elected as President of United States.

                    18- If all the world's Finns were laid end to end they'd cause a really nasty traffic jam.
                    That doesn't sound too bad if it means I'll get laid too.
                    "Spirit merges with matter to sanctify the universe. Matter transcends to return to spirit. The interchangeability of matter and spirit means the starlit magic of the outermost life of our universe becomes the soul-light magic of the innermost life of our self." - Dennis Kucinich, candidate for the U. S. presidency
                    "That’s the future of the Democratic Party: providing Republicans with a number of cute (but not that bright) comfort women." - Adam Yoshida, Canada's gift to the world

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Congratulations Bugs, you've made a cynic laugh so much he was almost sick.
                      "Paul Hanson, you should give Gibraltar back to the Spanish" - Paiktis, dramatically over-estimating my influence in diplomatic circles.

                      Eyewerks - you know you want to visit. No really, you do. Go on, click me.

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                      • #12
                        Heheee... Very interesting... ;D
                        Watch your back. Santa Claus is after you
                        -[MTN]-

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Santa would not live in Finland.
                          I make no bones about my moral support for [terrorist] organizations. - chegitz guevara
                          For those who aspire to live in a high cost, high tax, big government place, our nation and the world offers plenty of options. Vermont, Canada and Venezuela all offer you the opportunity to live in the socialist, big government paradise you long for. –Senator Rubio

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Stefu


                            I don't like us being misunderestimated.

                            ottok! Is that you?
                            The genesis of the "evil Finn" concept- Evil, evil Finland

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              We got him elected as President of United States.


                              LOL!!!!!!!!!!
                              -connorkimbro
                              "We're losing the war on AIDS. And drugs. And poverty. And terror. But we sure took it to those Nazis. Man, those were the days."

                              -theonion.com

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