Wow. I've seen some pretty stupid stuff on this fora, but this really takes the cake (with the exception of stuff like Evan and Giancarlo...putting them in the same category really wouldn't be fair.)
As soon as I saw the thread title and the author, I knew it would be good for a laugh, but this is even worse than I expected.
But hey, just for fun, let's consider the September 11th attacks in a Libertarian Paradise, free from those nasty environmentalists and all those other latter-day Nazies.
DRAMATIZATION
September 11:
6:00 AM EST: On four different flights, terrorists try to board with concealed weapons. The federal government, following its policy of nonintervention in the free market, has left airlines free to decide their own security measures. Some have chosen to charge higher prices for higher security, and other bargain airlines just do a cursory check with a low-budget metal detector. American Airlines is one of the latter. The terrorists get onto four American Airlines flights without a hitch carrying a large arsenal of firearms.
7:30 AM EST: The terrorists hijack the airliners using their guns. Some people on one of the flights try to fight back, but are stopped by the terrorists' superior weaponry.
8:48 AM EST: An airplane crashes into the first World Trade Center. It is fortified with the latest in asbestos-derived material. After a while, the building collapses. According to www.howstuffworks.com, which maintains a page on why the buildings collapsed, they were especially built to be able to stand normal fires for hours without any problems, but the intensity of the explosions and the fact that there was airplane fuel to feed it overwhelmed the structure.
9:03 AM EST: A second plane crashes into the second Trade Tower. It, too collapses.
9:45 AM EST: The third and fourth planes crash into the Pentagon and White House, respectively.
12:00 PM EST: A huge cloud of asbestos descends onto NYC. Its effects are not known until much later. However, it is discovered that many of the firefighters who risked their lives to save people in the buildings are getting much higher than normal rates of lung cancer.
September 13: Terrorists leaving out of Logan airport are not apprehended because of the lax security. They crash a plane into...oh, let's say the Capitol.
October 4: Anthrax is sent via mail (FedEx, since of course our utopia doesn't include the Post Office) to a person in Florida. The CDC has been de-funded years ago in a lower-taxes campaign in favor of more private health care. The case is identified as flu and ignored.
Late October: More such cases of flu arise. After about fifty deaths, the terrorists make the mistake of sending it to someone rich enough to afford excellent medical care. The diagnosis of anthrax is made.
November 1: Taking advantage of the free-market system, the makers of Cipro increase the price to over ten times its pre-anthrax scare level and make a killing. The terrorists learn from their earlier mistake and no longer send anthrax to people rich enough to afford the drugs. Death toll reaches about 50%
November 15: An underfunded FBI reports that it thinks someone from the Islamic world might have had some sort of influence in the case. They report they will need a few more months and a large increase in their budget to confirm this. After debating a while from a makeshift replacement capital, Congress denies this.
December 1: Annoyed that he's not getting any publicity, Osama Bin Laden releases a tape in which he claims that he was responsible for the attacks. The FBI is unable to officially confirm or deny this, but President Bush says it makes sense. He tells the military to look into doing something about this. The CIA has been disbanded years earlier because of the possibility it was a violation of people's privacy, and does not take part in any further action.
February 1: An underfunded Pentagon gets a few ships into the waters around Afghanistan. Unfortunately, we don't have any allies in the region because of the isolationism we entered into when the libertarian government first came into power. Two weeks are spent negotiating a deal with Pakistan so that we can cross their territory. We end up paying them a few billion dollars, a significant portion of our budget.
February 15: The attack begins. The military has hired multiple small companies to take care of its strategies and tactics, not having the resources to do it themselves. The companies have some trouble coordinating with one another, and one of them threatens to leave the coalition unless it gets a higher percentage of the pay. The attack flounders after about a week. The Taliban have had ample time to fortify themselves, and no major problems occur.
March 1: A major newspaper publishes an expose on how the wives and children of people killed at the WTC are on the streets (except those who were lucky enough to have life insurance). Donations pour in, but they are too few too late.
March 10: The family of someone killed by lung cancer, reduced to dire straights, sues the builders of the WTC for including asbestos. They are laughed out of court on the principle that how can anyone possibly blame people 30 years after the fact for not preparing for an unthinkable situation. Berserker posts at Apolyton laughing hysterically at these "environmentalists" for expecting such incredible foresight.
The Rest Of 2002: More planes are hijacked, and the Taliban gains popularity among Islamic youth because of the resounding success of its terror programs. Americans are living in fear, but pundits in the media are quick to point out that for enough money, you can buy Cipro, reinforced buildings, and anything else you may need. They laugh, saying "Perhaps the government should give you a Caribbean vacation after they're finished protecting you from the Afghanis."
November, 2002: The Libertarian Party suffers a humiliating defeat in the elections for the first time in 30 years.
Just something to think about.
As soon as I saw the thread title and the author, I knew it would be good for a laugh, but this is even worse than I expected.
But hey, just for fun, let's consider the September 11th attacks in a Libertarian Paradise, free from those nasty environmentalists and all those other latter-day Nazies.
DRAMATIZATION
September 11:
6:00 AM EST: On four different flights, terrorists try to board with concealed weapons. The federal government, following its policy of nonintervention in the free market, has left airlines free to decide their own security measures. Some have chosen to charge higher prices for higher security, and other bargain airlines just do a cursory check with a low-budget metal detector. American Airlines is one of the latter. The terrorists get onto four American Airlines flights without a hitch carrying a large arsenal of firearms.
7:30 AM EST: The terrorists hijack the airliners using their guns. Some people on one of the flights try to fight back, but are stopped by the terrorists' superior weaponry.
8:48 AM EST: An airplane crashes into the first World Trade Center. It is fortified with the latest in asbestos-derived material. After a while, the building collapses. According to www.howstuffworks.com, which maintains a page on why the buildings collapsed, they were especially built to be able to stand normal fires for hours without any problems, but the intensity of the explosions and the fact that there was airplane fuel to feed it overwhelmed the structure.
9:03 AM EST: A second plane crashes into the second Trade Tower. It, too collapses.
9:45 AM EST: The third and fourth planes crash into the Pentagon and White House, respectively.
12:00 PM EST: A huge cloud of asbestos descends onto NYC. Its effects are not known until much later. However, it is discovered that many of the firefighters who risked their lives to save people in the buildings are getting much higher than normal rates of lung cancer.
September 13: Terrorists leaving out of Logan airport are not apprehended because of the lax security. They crash a plane into...oh, let's say the Capitol.
October 4: Anthrax is sent via mail (FedEx, since of course our utopia doesn't include the Post Office) to a person in Florida. The CDC has been de-funded years ago in a lower-taxes campaign in favor of more private health care. The case is identified as flu and ignored.
Late October: More such cases of flu arise. After about fifty deaths, the terrorists make the mistake of sending it to someone rich enough to afford excellent medical care. The diagnosis of anthrax is made.
November 1: Taking advantage of the free-market system, the makers of Cipro increase the price to over ten times its pre-anthrax scare level and make a killing. The terrorists learn from their earlier mistake and no longer send anthrax to people rich enough to afford the drugs. Death toll reaches about 50%
November 15: An underfunded FBI reports that it thinks someone from the Islamic world might have had some sort of influence in the case. They report they will need a few more months and a large increase in their budget to confirm this. After debating a while from a makeshift replacement capital, Congress denies this.
December 1: Annoyed that he's not getting any publicity, Osama Bin Laden releases a tape in which he claims that he was responsible for the attacks. The FBI is unable to officially confirm or deny this, but President Bush says it makes sense. He tells the military to look into doing something about this. The CIA has been disbanded years earlier because of the possibility it was a violation of people's privacy, and does not take part in any further action.
February 1: An underfunded Pentagon gets a few ships into the waters around Afghanistan. Unfortunately, we don't have any allies in the region because of the isolationism we entered into when the libertarian government first came into power. Two weeks are spent negotiating a deal with Pakistan so that we can cross their territory. We end up paying them a few billion dollars, a significant portion of our budget.
February 15: The attack begins. The military has hired multiple small companies to take care of its strategies and tactics, not having the resources to do it themselves. The companies have some trouble coordinating with one another, and one of them threatens to leave the coalition unless it gets a higher percentage of the pay. The attack flounders after about a week. The Taliban have had ample time to fortify themselves, and no major problems occur.
March 1: A major newspaper publishes an expose on how the wives and children of people killed at the WTC are on the streets (except those who were lucky enough to have life insurance). Donations pour in, but they are too few too late.
March 10: The family of someone killed by lung cancer, reduced to dire straights, sues the builders of the WTC for including asbestos. They are laughed out of court on the principle that how can anyone possibly blame people 30 years after the fact for not preparing for an unthinkable situation. Berserker posts at Apolyton laughing hysterically at these "environmentalists" for expecting such incredible foresight.
The Rest Of 2002: More planes are hijacked, and the Taliban gains popularity among Islamic youth because of the resounding success of its terror programs. Americans are living in fear, but pundits in the media are quick to point out that for enough money, you can buy Cipro, reinforced buildings, and anything else you may need. They laugh, saying "Perhaps the government should give you a Caribbean vacation after they're finished protecting you from the Afghanis."
November, 2002: The Libertarian Party suffers a humiliating defeat in the elections for the first time in 30 years.
Just something to think about.
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