Hello, My Name is Hurricane Ivan

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by smacksim
Florida is just about used to these.

No we aren't.

[chequita guevara]

Hurricane Frances Fun Facts

Frances was as big as the state of Texas.

Frances saved lives. WHAT?!? Yes, it's true. Normally, on a Labor Day weekend, 40 people die from drunk driving accidents. By cancelling labor day for us, less people in Florida died over the weekend, even with the people killed by the storm.

[Colonâ„¢]

Even though 40 car accidents do not tend to wreak havoc worth billions of dollars.

[MrFun]

Re: Hurricane Frances Fun Facts

Originally posted by chegitz guevara
Frances was as big as the state of Texas.

Frances saved lives. WHAT?!? Yes, it's true. Normally, on a Labor Day weekend, 40 people die from drunk driving accidents. By cancelling labor day for us, less people in Florida died over the weekend, even with the people killed by the storm.

[chequita guevara]

Don't get me started on the bleak economic outlook for Florida. But that wouldn't be a fun fact.

[MrFun]

But I do sincerely hope that you and Bunny stay safe, Che.

[chequita guevara]

Subject: Hurricane Season

It's hurricane season, best to be prepared.

We have entered the hurricane season. Every day for the next several months, you'll turn on the TV to see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points:

(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days
STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida. We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:
If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Andrew, most Floridians have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS:
Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:

Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.

Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

HURRICANE PROOFING YOUR PROPERTY:
As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc... You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area). The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:

23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that, when the power goes off, turn out to be the wrong size for the flashlights.

Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)

55 gallon drum of underarm deodorant.

A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)

A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)

$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers standing right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck, and remember: It's great living in Paradise.

[The Mad Monk]

...


Jamaica is in it.

[Colonâ„¢]

You answer questions like a natural disaster
Voices in the wind- you let em call her out
The whole foundation just went flying past her
She puts her heart into it - and you just yank it out

You pulled her love out through the window pane
Thats what she gets for loving a hurricane

She could have rode off with some Texas tornado
Some mister twister she could kick up her boot heels with
Could have rode him on down to Laredo
But you flew in from the gulf like a hot wet kiss

You blew her mind fast as a bullet train
Thats what she gets for loving a hurricane

Waah waah- wind and rain- waah waah- its a shame
Waah waah- loving a hurricane
Waah waah- wind and rain- waah waah- its a shame
Waah waah- loving a hurricane

She might have known youd get her sooner or later
Living in that railer park down by the sandy beach
Where tides roll in like the big dream generators
Forces of nature, blow everything out of reach

Water in her living room, fire up in her brain
Thats what she gets for loving a hurricane

Waah waah- wind and rain- waah waah- its a shame
Waah waah- loving a hurricane
Waah waah- wind and rain- waah waah- its a shame
Waah waah- loving a hurricane

Waah waah- waah waah
Waah waah- loving a hurricane

[Sava]

Originally posted by Winston


Welcome to our fine society, Az! Membership is free of charge, but you have to commit yourself to always keep looking for new ways in which things can be blamed on Bush.

There are, and I cannot stress this too strongly, still far too many things NOT blamed on President Bush. I mean, I can sometimes go for days without encountering things blamed on Bush, and quite frankly I'm sick of it.

Blame on!

Yeah the president should never be blamed for things like lying about a cassus belli, looting the treasury, giving tax cuts to the rich while piling up massive deficits, weak economic policies, non-existent health care and abysmal education policies... hell, all this blame on bush is lies!

[The Mad Monk]

Eyewitness: Hurricane Ivan



Most Grenadians are still cut off from the outside world
Several days after Hurricane Ivan slammed into Grenada, accounts of the disaster by people who lived through it are just beginning to emerge.
Few have access to the outside world, because the storm brought down virtually all telephone lines.

One of the first visitors to the devastated island was Trinidadian leader Patrick Manning.

He described the scene, telling the BBC's Caribbean service: "When dogs interfere with garbage bags and strew the contents all over the place - that's what Grenada looks like.

"Galvanised sheeting spread over the land, no trees have leaves, many houses are gone... to see a building with a roof is a very rare sight."

'Terrifying'

Russ Fielden, who owns a hotel on the island, described what it was like in the midst of the tempest.

"It was absolutely terrifying. The winds were gusting over 150mph (240km/h) and just tearing off roofs," he told the BBC World Service's World Today programme.

"It lifted a container close to our house and rolled it over and over and, fortunately, it didn't hit the house but came very close to it.

I stared death in the face - what could be more scary than that?

Dawn Brown, housewife
"Trees were uprooted. There's not a single leaf on a tree, most of the boughs have gone off trees. But 90% of the houses on the island have no roofs and, out of that 90%, probably 50% of the homes have been totally destroyed.

"The hospital roof blew off, the stadium blew over and it's a big concrete stadium and it actually blew over, on the ground, flattened.

"The airport control tower fell over, so the infrastructure of the island has totally collapsed. There's no water in the pipes, there's no food, there's nowhere to cook the food, there's no electricity - and we're very fortunate to have this telephone line. We're not quite sure why it's working, but there it is."

Howling gales

Associated Press correspondent Ian James in the capital, St George's, painted a similar picture, reporting that house after house appeared shredded by whipping winds.

He said the bare trees gave a brownish tinge to hills strewn with debris.

A local resident, 30-year-old housewife Dawn Brown, related her frightening experience of Hurricane Ivan's destructive power.

She told AP that at the height of the storm, she and her children had run from room to room as the winds ripped off sections of their roof.

Finally, she said, there was no roof left and the family resorted to hiding under a mattress amid howling gales.

"I stared death in the face," she said. "What could be more scary than that?"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/3644428.stm

It has been reported that Fidel Castro has announced that Cuba will refuse all disaster relief coming from the United States.

[Sava]

IVAN THE TERRIBLE!

[PLATO]

Originally posted by The Mad Monk



It has been reported that Fidel Castro has announced that Cuba will refuse all disaster relief coming from the United States.

What a fool. Natural disaster aid should transcend politics in the abscence of war.

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by The Mad Monk
It has been reported that Fidel Castro has announced that Cuba will refuse all disaster relief coming from the United States.

If true, that's incredibly stupid.

[chequita guevara]

So, anyone wanna put me up for a couple of days?