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Womaneeze

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  • #1

    Womaneeze

    In your quest to decifer the many mysteries of women's language, here are few helpful hints for you men out there. Committ them to the computer chip that is your brain becuase one day........trust me you will need them! If I've left out any please feel free to add.


    FINE

    This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

    FIVE MINUTES

    If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

    NOTHING

    This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

    GO AHEAD

    This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

    LOUD SIGH

    This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

    THAT'S OKAY

    This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

    THANKS

    A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
    Welcome to earth, my name is Tia and I'll be your tour guide for this trip.
    Succulent and Bejeweled Mother Goddess, who is always moisturised yet never greasy, always patient yet never suffers fools~Starchild
    Dragons? Yup- big flying lizards with an attitude. ~ Laz
    You are forgiven because you are FABULOUS ~ Imran
    Tags: None
  • #2
    I have sometimes wondered what it would mean if a woman were to say SORRY.

    But I guess that is something I will never get to find out.

    Probably just as well.

    Comment

    • #3
      Does this dress make me look fat?

      The only possible answer to this question is, of course, "No, that dress does not make you look fat.
      Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...

      Comment

      • #4
        Translate:

        Does this make me look fat?

        I think of you as a friend.
        I make no bones about my moral support for [terrorist] organizations. - chegitz guevara
        For those who aspire to live in a high cost, high tax, big government place, our nation and the world offers plenty of options. Vermont, Canada and Venezuela all offer you the opportunity to live in the socialist, big government paradise you long for. –Senator Rubio

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        • #5
          Nice one Che! And he's right.
          Welcome to earth, my name is Tia and I'll be your tour guide for this trip.
          Succulent and Bejeweled Mother Goddess, who is always moisturised yet never greasy, always patient yet never suffers fools~Starchild
          Dragons? Yup- big flying lizards with an attitude. ~ Laz
          You are forgiven because you are FABULOUS ~ Imran

          Comment

          • #6
            He is right. It's her giant ass and beer gut that make her look fat.

            EDIT: But she's still b-e-a-utiful to me...
            "I predict your ignore will rival Ben's" - Ecofarm
            ^ The Poly equivalent of:
            "I hope you can see this 'cause I'm [flipping you off] as hard as I can" - Ignignokt the Mooninite

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            • #7
              TEF, some things are better left unstated.
              Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...

              Comment

              • #8
                Like those italics, Che. If you want to live long.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Tia,

                  I'm not sure about your last statement. Saying a single word, and meaning was the word means isn't womaneeze. Nor maneeze (well, sometimes, if the word is "se*", "TV", "se*", or "car"). It's superhuman.
                  Why doing it the easy way if it is possible to do it complicated?

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Womaneeze

                    Originally posted by Tiamat

                    FIVE MINUTES

                    If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
                    I disagree with this one somewhat. The first part is correct, but if she gives you five more minutes, it often means you've got about 3 seconds to do what whatever it is that she wants done. Five actual minutes is already too late. Way too late.
                    "The French caused the war [Persian Gulf war, 1991]" - Ned
                    "you people who bash Bush have no appreciation for one of the great presidents in our history." - Ned
                    "I wish I had gay sex in the boy scouts" - Dissident

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                    • #11
                      There are five minutes and five minutes.

                      Five game watching minutes are just one hell of a lot shorter than five "he expects me to do everything" minutes.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Sounds like a man with experience.
                        Welcome to earth, my name is Tia and I'll be your tour guide for this trip.
                        Succulent and Bejeweled Mother Goddess, who is always moisturised yet never greasy, always patient yet never suffers fools~Starchild
                        Dragons? Yup- big flying lizards with an attitude. ~ Laz
                        You are forgiven because you are FABULOUS ~ Imran

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          The language of "she who must be pleased".
                          "Just puttin on the foil" - Jeff Hanson

                          “In a democracy, I realize you don’t need to talk to the top leader to know how the country feels. When I go to a dictatorship, I only have to talk to one person and that’s the dictator, because he speaks for all the people.” - Jimmy Carter

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                          • #14
                            @ thread.
                            urgh.NSFW

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Woman's question:

                              WHAT DO YOU THINK

                              Male Translation:

                              Have you been listening to me? You better say something that is on topic and in agreement with what I just said for the last two hours.
                              Haven't been here for ages....

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