Disposing of corpses in the workplace

[Dr Strangelove]

Originally posted by Theben
There's probably some sort of geek convention coming up over the weekend, which they'll no doubt attend. So follow them there after they're wasted and retreat to their hotel room a simple multiple stab wounding will suffice. No one will be paying attention to anyones comings and goings. Plus it will be very therapeutic for you.

One of my old professors died from a bizarre accident at a convention. A converted Mormon, he was unused to alcohol, but someone managed to talk him into having a drink or two at the hotel bar. That night he went upstairs to his room, entered his bathroom, and apparently slipped, at which time his tie caught on a fixture. The police believe that the tie acted as a garrot, and that he died instantly.

Personally I found it very hard to believe. Had I been his department chariman I would have demanded a more thorough investigation.

[Alexander's Horse]

Can you imagine the guilt associated with finding a colleague has been dead for a few hours and not noticing?

[ravagon]

Originally posted by Skanky Burns
This thread scares me.

Hmmm ... Now who might be trying to run a disinformation campaign to disguise their interest in disposing of dead bodies?
The only one I can think of is the mafia!




[Edit: Sod that! I didn't realise he was already dead... ]

[Space05us]

if they were to jump out a high window during a fire, or perhaps be trampled going down the fire escape it would be most unfortunate.

also bear in mind, there's a reason why you arent supposed to run with sharp/pointy objects. If they frequently carry scissors or a screwdriver around in hand perhaps a friendly game of "tag" is in order.

[Theben]

Originally posted by ravagon
Hmmm ... Now who might be trying to run a disinformation campaign to disguise their interest in beating on dead horses?
The only one I can think of is the media!

How true.

[self biased]

think like those russian nesting eggs.

[The Mad Monk]

Turducken?

[Theben]

Was that directed at me? I don't know anymore.

[Space05us]

Theben didnt crosspost that time

[Sikander]

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
Dissolve them in what? I have nothing more corrosive than Espresso.

Here, try my personality..

We have a nice place to dispose of bodies where I work. We call it the morgue, and it usually has a few bodies in it at any particular time.

[CerberusIV]

I run a cemetery. If you could get them over here I suppose we could slip an extra body or two into each grave.

Perhaps the best solution is to get them sent on a team building exercise and arrange for someone to act deranged and hunt them through the wilderness (you could always do it yourself). Get it filmed and show it to the next set of analysts as a motivational tool.

[duke o' york]

To slightly alter Cerberus' suggestion, just get them on a motivation weekend. Once they've had to run then they'll not survive much longer.
Or depending upon how geeky they are, you could induce cardiac arrest by having an attractive women pay attention to them. Shock tactics would be most effective here, and wouldn't be too expensive.

[Skanky Burns]

Originally posted by The Mad Monk
Turducken?

:jthyi:

And good-onya Rav. Try pointing the finger at people who have not been killed by the mafia first.

[molly bloom]

Re: Disposing of corpses in the workplace

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
After considering long and hard, I've concluded that coaching or complaining is inappropriate, and the analysts must die. Their blood must be spilled, I'm afraid. So how can I conceal, or dispose of their bodies in a modern open-plan office? You're looking at typical software analysts (overfed, flabby sacks of ****) and there's four of them. Any suggestions? Feed them through the shredder? Thinly slice them, then file the slices under "****ing useless underhand sneaky cat****ers"?

Fritz Haarmann burgers :

http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/history/haarman/index_1.html

and/or possibly Ed Gein's, Bespoke Tailor & Gentlemen's Outfitters.

http://www.crimelibrary.com/gein/geinmain.htm

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by Dr Strangelove


This wonderful little drug paralyzes voluntary muscle, causing a person to stop breathing, and hence, presumably, to die. The truly facinating thing about it though is that it breaks down spontaneously in the bloodstream, so it can't be detected.

I didn't tell you that though.

Not withstanding the foolishness of you posting this info, it can be detected. The presence of SC was used to convict a pathologist, Dr. William Sybers, of murder 10 years after the fact.