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The sorry state of Finnish music

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  • The sorry state of Finnish music

    Goddamn there's a lot of crappy Finnish music out there. Of course, this observation might be caused by the fact that I've started watching Levyraati lately. (Boy howdy does that program manage to erode any respect I might have had for Ruben Stiller.) However, even without Levyraati, one can't help but notice all the scheisse that's out there.

    Consider:

    Petri Munck: A pretty-boy singer with a guitar and a stupid last name, making the kind of horrible ballad-pop music that combines the worst elements of usual Finnish pop music and the Finnish easy-listening industry. Thankfully I haven't had to hear this fellow a lot, for some reason. But still, that 'Levoton Prinssi' song of his has some horrible lyrics. However, there's someone even Petri can't beat in the 'bad lyrics' department:

    Jonna Tervomaa. "Rakkaus on kuollut, elämän virtaan.
    Pelasta mut, jos se sopii sinun pirtaan" might be the worst lyric used in Finnish music for some time, but it's beaten by "Maailman tuuliin mä menetin rakkaan.
    Pelasta mut, jos se käy sun almanakkaan" from the same song. And because it was used in that movie about those people in Joensuu whose name I have forgotten, it can't be avoided. Aargh.

    Pikku G. I've already told everything that needs to be known about Pikku G in here. Note, however, that even Pikku G is a regular Tupac compared to...

    Raimssi. Yes, one Finnish underage rapper wasn't enough, so there must be two of them. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? Raimssi is supposedly a 15-year-old, but he sounds like a 12-year-old and looks like an 8-year-old. I've heard one of his singles, which I downloaded to hear if it was going to be as horrid as I would have excepted. It was worse. It was honestly like Pikku-G with every last drop of street credibility squeezed away. And that is a frightening, frightening thing. (Incidentally, there's one female student of English Translation in Tampere Uni who has his folder covered with Raimssi stickers. That is even more frightening, at least from my perspective.)

    The true horror of Finnish music, however, shall be left untouched for a while. I'll have a few words for the lesser lights of horrificness, if that is a word.

    The Rasmus and Maija Vilkkumaa. These two are actually not as bad as the aforementioned - they're the kind of standard pop fare that I wouldn't normally listen to but which is kind of catchy in it's own way. However, two things must be mentioned - that Maija Vilkkumaa record cover is fugly, and I read some music magazine which said that some Germans consider The Rasmus a goth band.

    A goth band

    A GOTH band

    A GOTH BAND. THE RASMUS. GOTH BAND.

    I'm starting to see some advantages that Plan Morgenthau would have had.

    Killer. Hey, if you're going to rip off Garbage, how about ripping off the "not sucking" part?

    All the other Finnish rap artists. In seven words: Finnish people are not meant to rap.

    However, the true horror is:

    Pizza Enrico. Only in Finland can this sort of crap spend 15 weeks at the top of the single list. Basically, what Pizza Enrico has done is one horribly bad song, "Mita Sina Sanoa", which mocks immigrant-owned pizzerias, using the always-hilarious broken Finnish to convey the fact that they, in fact, are supposed to be foreigners. It started as an Internet prank and should have stayed in that form, but noooo. There's going to be a whole album based around one bad, unfunny joke. No doubt it's going to be a smash hit.

    Go here and click on "Näyte viideosta Mita sina Sanoa?" to see a clip from their music video.
    "Spirit merges with matter to sanctify the universe. Matter transcends to return to spirit. The interchangeability of matter and spirit means the starlit magic of the outermost life of our universe becomes the soul-light magic of the innermost life of our self." - Dennis Kucinich, candidate for the U. S. presidency
    "That’s the future of the Democratic Party: providing Republicans with a number of cute (but not that bright) comfort women." - Adam Yoshida, Canada's gift to the world

  • #2
    B♭3

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    • #3
      At least you have Nightwish. But they seem to have run out of ideas...
      The enemy cannot push a button if you disable his hand.

      Comment


      • #4
        on a related note to pizza enrico, this was quite big in the clubs last year

        cisco kid - pizzaman

        (read this in an italian accent)

        Onna day imma gonna to Malta to bigga hotel
        In the morning I go downa to eat a breakfast
        I tell the waitress I wanna two pieces of toast
        She brings me only one piece
        I tell her I want two piece
        She say: “Go to the toilet”
        I say: “You no understand,
        I wanna two piece on my plate”
        She say: “you better no piss on the plate,
        You son of a *****”
        I don’t even know the lady
        And she calla me a son of a *****

        I don’t need this .…

        Later, I go to eata in a bigga restaurant
        The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork
        I tell her I wanted a fork
        She tella me everyone here wanna ****
        I tell her: “You no understand,
        I wanna forka on the table”
        She say: “You better not **** on the table,
        You son of a *****”

        I don’t need this .…

        So I go back to my room in a hotel
        And there is no sheets on the bed
        Call the manager, I’m telling him I wanna sheet
        He tella me to go to the toilet
        I say: “You no understand,
        I wanna sheet on my bed”
        He say: “You better not **** on my bed,
        You son of a *****”

        I don’t need this.…

        I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk say:
        “Peace on you”
        I say: “Piss on you too, you son of a *****.”
        I’m gonna back to Italia. Arrividerci”

        "The Christian way has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found to be hard and left untried" - GK Chesterton.

        "The most obvious predicition about the future is that it will be mostly like the past" - Alain de Botton

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        • #5
          Stefu is dead on!

          Whenever I heard finnish words in radio and realize 'this is finnish music' I'll tune into another channel right away.
          In da butt.
          "Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
          THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
          "God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.

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          • #6
            I've only heard of the Rasmus, and yeah they're definately not a goth band Maybe they dress like goths though
            CSPA

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            • #7
              Yeah, we have Nightwish. And CMX, too, though CMX is not known to foreigners. A pity, that - they kick ass.
              "Spirit merges with matter to sanctify the universe. Matter transcends to return to spirit. The interchangeability of matter and spirit means the starlit magic of the outermost life of our universe becomes the soul-light magic of the innermost life of our self." - Dennis Kucinich, candidate for the U. S. presidency
              "That’s the future of the Democratic Party: providing Republicans with a number of cute (but not that bright) comfort women." - Adam Yoshida, Canada's gift to the world

              Comment


              • #8
                One thing I forgot to mention: Zen Cafe. I don't care what anyone says about the matter, comparing a failed relationship to a lawn without a sprinkler does not a good rock lyric make.
                "Spirit merges with matter to sanctify the universe. Matter transcends to return to spirit. The interchangeability of matter and spirit means the starlit magic of the outermost life of our universe becomes the soul-light magic of the innermost life of our self." - Dennis Kucinich, candidate for the U. S. presidency
                "That’s the future of the Democratic Party: providing Republicans with a number of cute (but not that bright) comfort women." - Adam Yoshida, Canada's gift to the world

                Comment


                • #9
                  "Pelasta mut jos se sopii sun almanakkaan"
                  That IS stupid!
                  In da butt.
                  "Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
                  THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
                  "God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    BTW, who does that "Mitä silmät ei nää, sen sydän ymmärtää" song?

                    That one sucks ass, too.
                    "Spirit merges with matter to sanctify the universe. Matter transcends to return to spirit. The interchangeability of matter and spirit means the starlit magic of the outermost life of our universe becomes the soul-light magic of the innermost life of our self." - Dennis Kucinich, candidate for the U. S. presidency
                    "That’s the future of the Democratic Party: providing Republicans with a number of cute (but not that bright) comfort women." - Adam Yoshida, Canada's gift to the world

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Arja Saijonmaa
                      CSPA

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Finnish people are not meant to rap.
                        Amen, brother! I'm not a big fan of rap, but you have to be deaf if you don't hear how horribly wrong this is. This rap phenomenon has escalated to quite horrific levels. Example: I was visiting my parents a bit over a month ago and of course, they were listening to Radio Suomi now and then. I happened to hear a program that was aired from some kindergarten. Some radio person interviewed some kids and it seemed like normal kid stuff what they had been doing that day. But at the end of the interview, the interviewer said something like: and now little Pekka (don't remember his actual name) is going to rap for us. Oh god, I laughed my ass off! I don't remember what the lyrics were, but that was some mean rhyming from a ~5 year old. Very street credible, if you still wear rompers. I wonder who's records little Pekka will be getting from Santa.

                        One thing I forgot to mention: Zen Cafe. I don't care what anyone says about the matter, comparing a failed relationship to a lawn without a sprinkler does not a good rock lyric make.
                        At least Ua ua and maybe Idiootti too are very good albums. It's been a steep downhill for Zen Cafe since then.
                        "Relax, pay your income tax!" - The Fast Show
                        "Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again." - Conan O'Brien

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                        • #13
                          Steffi,

                          Petri Munck - A pretty-boy singer with a guitar and a stupid last name.

                          My last name isn't my fault. While checking out the Orthodox calender, my brother and sister decided "whatever it will be, we'll call it Munk!" In the last four years, this story has rarely been told and it has remained Apolyton's most well-kept secret.

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                          • #14
                            Why does a Finnish band have an Italian name?

                            Isn't your music part of your evil attempt to destroy the world?
                            I'm consitently stupid- Japher
                            I think that opinion in the United States is decidedly different from the rest of the world because we have a free press -- by free, I mean a virgorously presented right wing point of view on the air and available to all.- Ned

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                            • #15
                              back when i was still pretty religious, there was one "christian" metal band that i used to listen to alot, i believe they were from Norway, and they were called Extol

                              Of coure, the lyrics don't mean the same to me as they used to, but as for the music goes, i still really enjoy it, they were really good.
                              -connorkimbro
                              "We're losing the war on AIDS. And drugs. And poverty. And terror. But we sure took it to those Nazis. Man, those were the days."

                              -theonion.com

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