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Goddamn there's a lot of crappy Finnish music out there. Of course, this observation might be caused by the fact that I've started watching Levyraati lately. (Boy howdy does that program manage to erode any respect I might have had for Ruben Stiller.) However, even without Levyraati, one can't help but notice all the scheisse that's out there.
Consider:
Petri Munck: A pretty-boy singer with a guitar and a stupid last name, making the kind of horrible ballad-pop music that combines the worst elements of usual Finnish pop music and the Finnish easy-listening industry. Thankfully I haven't had to hear this fellow a lot, for some reason. But still, that 'Levoton Prinssi' song of his has some horrible lyrics. However, there's someone even Petri can't beat in the 'bad lyrics' department:
Jonna Tervomaa. "Rakkaus on kuollut, elämän virtaan.
Pelasta mut, jos se sopii sinun pirtaan" might be the worst lyric used in Finnish music for some time, but it's beaten by "Maailman tuuliin mä menetin rakkaan.
Pelasta mut, jos se käy sun almanakkaan" from the same song. And because it was used in that movie about those people in Joensuu whose name I have forgotten, it can't be avoided. Aargh.
Pikku G. I've already told everything that needs to be known about Pikku G in here. Note, however, that even Pikku G is a regular Tupac compared to...
Raimssi. Yes, one Finnish underage rapper wasn't enough, so there must be two of them. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? Raimssi is supposedly a 15-year-old, but he sounds like a 12-year-old and looks like an 8-year-old. I've heard one of his singles, which I downloaded to hear if it was going to be as horrid as I would have excepted. It was worse. It was honestly like Pikku-G with every last drop of street credibility squeezed away. And that is a frightening, frightening thing. (Incidentally, there's one female student of English Translation in Tampere Uni who has his folder covered with Raimssi stickers. That is even more frightening, at least from my perspective.)
The true horror of Finnish music, however, shall be left untouched for a while. I'll have a few words for the lesser lights of horrificness, if that is a word.
The Rasmus and Maija Vilkkumaa. These two are actually not as bad as the aforementioned - they're the kind of standard pop fare that I wouldn't normally listen to but which is kind of catchy in it's own way. However, two things must be mentioned - that Maija Vilkkumaa record cover is fugly, and I read some music magazine which said that some Germans consider The Rasmus a goth band.
A goth band
A GOTH band
A GOTH BAND. THE RASMUS. GOTH BAND.
I'm starting to see some advantages that Plan Morgenthau would have had.
Killer. Hey, if you're going to rip off Garbage, how about ripping off the "not sucking" part?
All the other Finnish rap artists. In seven words: Finnish people are not meant to rap.
However, the true horror is:
Pizza Enrico. Only in Finland can this sort of crap spend 15 weeks at the top of the single list. Basically, what Pizza Enrico has done is one horribly bad song, "Mita Sina Sanoa", which mocks immigrant-owned pizzerias, using the always-hilarious broken Finnish to convey the fact that they, in fact, are supposed to be foreigners. It started as an Internet prank and should have stayed in that form, but noooo. There's going to be a whole album based around one bad, unfunny joke. No doubt it's going to be a smash hit.
Go here and click on "Näyte viideosta Mita sina Sanoa?" to see a clip from their music video.
Consider:
Petri Munck: A pretty-boy singer with a guitar and a stupid last name, making the kind of horrible ballad-pop music that combines the worst elements of usual Finnish pop music and the Finnish easy-listening industry. Thankfully I haven't had to hear this fellow a lot, for some reason. But still, that 'Levoton Prinssi' song of his has some horrible lyrics. However, there's someone even Petri can't beat in the 'bad lyrics' department:
Jonna Tervomaa. "Rakkaus on kuollut, elämän virtaan.
Pelasta mut, jos se sopii sinun pirtaan" might be the worst lyric used in Finnish music for some time, but it's beaten by "Maailman tuuliin mä menetin rakkaan.
Pelasta mut, jos se käy sun almanakkaan" from the same song. And because it was used in that movie about those people in Joensuu whose name I have forgotten, it can't be avoided. Aargh.
Pikku G. I've already told everything that needs to be known about Pikku G in here. Note, however, that even Pikku G is a regular Tupac compared to...
Raimssi. Yes, one Finnish underage rapper wasn't enough, so there must be two of them. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? Raimssi is supposedly a 15-year-old, but he sounds like a 12-year-old and looks like an 8-year-old. I've heard one of his singles, which I downloaded to hear if it was going to be as horrid as I would have excepted. It was worse. It was honestly like Pikku-G with every last drop of street credibility squeezed away. And that is a frightening, frightening thing. (Incidentally, there's one female student of English Translation in Tampere Uni who has his folder covered with Raimssi stickers. That is even more frightening, at least from my perspective.)
The true horror of Finnish music, however, shall be left untouched for a while. I'll have a few words for the lesser lights of horrificness, if that is a word.
The Rasmus and Maija Vilkkumaa. These two are actually not as bad as the aforementioned - they're the kind of standard pop fare that I wouldn't normally listen to but which is kind of catchy in it's own way. However, two things must be mentioned - that Maija Vilkkumaa record cover is fugly, and I read some music magazine which said that some Germans consider The Rasmus a goth band.
A goth band
A GOTH band
A GOTH BAND. THE RASMUS. GOTH BAND.
I'm starting to see some advantages that Plan Morgenthau would have had.
Killer. Hey, if you're going to rip off Garbage, how about ripping off the "not sucking" part?
All the other Finnish rap artists. In seven words: Finnish people are not meant to rap.
However, the true horror is:
Pizza Enrico. Only in Finland can this sort of crap spend 15 weeks at the top of the single list. Basically, what Pizza Enrico has done is one horribly bad song, "Mita Sina Sanoa", which mocks immigrant-owned pizzerias, using the always-hilarious broken Finnish to convey the fact that they, in fact, are supposed to be foreigners. It started as an Internet prank and should have stayed in that form, but noooo. There's going to be a whole album based around one bad, unfunny joke. No doubt it's going to be a smash hit.
Go here and click on "Näyte viideosta Mita sina Sanoa?" to see a clip from their music video.
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