Originally posted by Lorizael
Dude that's my point. Other people seem to think you need to end a friendship to start a romance. I don't think you need to do that.
Dude that's my point. Other people seem to think you need to end a friendship to start a romance. I don't think you need to do that.
My advice (never requested yet offered frequently) is to run this thing out for a while as it is. This is what you want to do given that she isn't going to become your lover (and thusly take care of all of your needs simultaneously). There is obviously some quality in her that feeds you and vice versa. In these sorts of relationships this is more important than sex. Unfortunately it cannot replace sex or romance, and thus your relationship with this girl is going to be constantly vulnerable to one or the other of you falling in love or lust with another. This in turn adds impetus to one's desire to make this relationship romantic. If you are with her and the relationship is working, then you have nothing to worry about.
There is something here (with this girl) which you are desperate for. The ability to communicate so well with this girl and the intensity that you both feel tends to indicate to me that you and her share some sort of very strong similarity in your psychological makeup. The fact that you are discovering this thing in the midst of a friendship with someone who has had nothing but romantic relationship troubles in the past seems to indicate that she (at least) has regressed back to the last sort of relationship with a male that worked. She is afraid of getting romantic with you because her previous relationships seem to have been consumed by some sort of behavioral feedback loop, and the same sort of thing could happen with you. She's not ready to take another blow in the relations with males category just yet. But she's afraid of losing you through inaction as well. Whether she really feels anything for you in a romantic sense is up in the air, despite any protestations to the contrary. She loves you undoubtedly, and she needs you. It's in many ways a subtle difference.
You of course have your own part in this. This is always the case, and I'm sure there is a very good reason why you are with her right now as opposed to someone who is ready and willing to enter into a romantic relationship immediately. Maybe you know exactly what you are about in this matter. If not I'd take a very careful inventory of my feelings and behaviors around this girl. Find the emotional basis for your relationship with her and it may tell you some very useful things about yourself. Also be aware that in all likelihood you have some of the same attractions / aversions and tendencies in relationships that she does. They may come in ways identical to her own, or sometimes in opposites. The thing that they will share is that they will be the result of similar experiences as you were growing up. This seems to fuel intensity in any relationship, as it is easy to feel for someone who has been through similar things.
In the long run I wouldn't change my life in order to maintain this sort of relationship. It can be very instructive as well as rewarding, but it is likely to never turn into a real romantic relationship for very long. So enjoy it while it lasts, love her and let her love you, and when it's time for one of you to move on, then let it go. She'll probably be your friend forever, and I have found those sorts of people to be very useful assets in my life.
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