disciplining children

[Sava]

It takes a real d1ckless muthefugga to hit a child...
chores are good... when things get really bad... smack the ass once... also... allowances are good to give because they can be taken away ... privilages as well...

I only got the ass-smacking once. When I was five, I put a baseball bat threw the wall in my room. During my teens, my mom would sometimes throw stuff at me. Forks, glasses (for drinks, not eyeglasses), one time a garbage can. But only when I was a real sh1t.

[SlowwHand]

You should have beat, and beat badly.

[Sava]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
You should have beat, and beat badly.

nah, it would have made me less tolerant to physical pain and more evil

[SlowwHand]

More evil. Hard to imagine.

[Sava]

yeah, it's like trying to imagine the difference between a furnace of 1,000 Celsius and 2,000 Celsius...

[alva]

Originally posted by Ming
I believe in spankings (not beatings)... I've only had to spank my kids a few times... and the threat was good enough the rest of the times.

It does get their attention...

The rest of the time... removal of specific privledges for periods of time... sending them to their room... having them make restitution for something they've done... all usually work as well.

Each situation usually demands a different style of punishment.

I always thought you would ban them from entering the house
-
My father used to pinch my upper arm, being a very strong man that never felr any good
I even think a teacher should be allowed to perform certain punishement action, mind you that this should NOT involve a ruler or something like that.

[Sava]

Nobody should touch your kid but you... that's my feeling on it

[loinburger]

My parents spanked my brother and I when we did something particularly stupid and dangerous (usually it was running out into the street) because they did not want us to repeat the action, and you tend to remember a sore ass better than a stern talking-to. Most of the time it was punishment enough for us to have to clean up the mess that we'd made (particularly the time my brother tracked dog **** through the house -- five hours of steam cleaning are enough to make anybody remember to take off their soccer cleats the next time they go in the house).

[Az]

I was never spanked as a child. I think I will try to reason with my kids, and then I'll punish them, if needed.

[GePap]

I was hit a few times as a child, the worst being by my grandmother, who used a small, whiplike tree branch. It hurt, but I don;t think I was better of or more obidient for it. I do agree though that slight physical punishment has its uses and banning spanking is too much, as long as you don't do it out of immidiate anger since you might get carried away.

I think that if you have built a close relationship with your kid, and they respect you and seek your approval and consent, then hsaming, or strongly showing your displeasure would be enough for most kids. If you havent built sucha relationship, well, then it is much harder.

[Az]

a branch?


You know, I've seen aquaintances of my parents spank their children on different occasions. I felt the following:

-The kids are angred by this, but not shamed, or regretful of what they did.
-I am getting a weird vibe that the folks are getting a power trip.

I can't say this is true for everyone, of course, just my feelings. But I think they used force too soon, and generally use it too often.

[GePap]

Originally posted by Azazel
a branch?

Yes, a thin flexible one, and it hurts like hell, cause the branch itself acts like a whip. The sort of methods used in the old times, and which my grandmother kept.

You know, I've seen aquaintances of my parents spank their children on different occasions. I felt the following:

-The kids are angred by this, but not shamed, or regretful of what they did.
-I am getting a weird vibe that the folks are getting a power trip.

I can't say this is true for everyone, of course, just my feelings. But I think they used force too soon, and generally use it too often.

Well, spanking works on a basic pavlovian way, but I think spanking only works in cases in which you have a defined and clear act yo don;t want your kid to repeat, like running out intot he street, or attacking a sibling, or the like. Spanking a kid for bad notes would only lead to what you say, sincethere are possibly many reasons for bad notes, and in such a case, i don;t think corporal punishment achieves anything.

[SlowwHand]

Ever had a weeping willow switch layed across the back of your legs ?

Bummerooski.

[Az]

Yes, a thin flexible one, and it hurts like hell, cause the branch itself acts like a whip. The sort of methods used in the old times, and which my grandmother kept.

just as I thought.

Well, spanking works on a basic pavlovian way, but I think spanking only works in cases in which you have a defined and clear act yo don;t want your kid to repeat, like running out intot he street, or attacking a sibling, or the like. Spanking a kid for bad notes would only lead to what you say, sincethere are possibly many reasons for bad notes, and in such a case, i don;t think corporal punishment achieves anything.

Well, in one of the cases I saw, for example, ( very vivid, since it was a couple of weeks ago ), the grandmother spanked the kid after he ran over a garden of some seeds one of the neighbours planted. She told him not to do so, but definetly, not the same day, or in an 'important' air, and I am rather certain that the kid didn't benefit from it, at all. sigh.

[Spiffor]

I was spanked a few times in my childhood, and once very violently, with a leather belt. My mother was extremely upset, which is understandable, as I had left the house at night when I was 6 or 8, and hid for a few hours in the nearby woods, which were rumored to be populated by boars. This was by the way the last spanking I ever had.

I wholeheartedly agree with GePap : punishment cannot be enough. You have to develop a trust relation with your child in order for him to understand why he was punished. Lectures aren't good because you're only saying things the kid doesn't care about. On the contrary, you have to have him understand and acknowledge why he was wrong. The physical punishment is not necessary at all times, but can help make sure your kid won't be tempted again in the future.

However, Azazel is right : you shouldn't do physical punishment for any unimportant thing your kid does. A kid is undisciplined, and will do tricks. It is stupid to punish him for every one, and it can mess with his development