The Glory of News - SPECIAL WAR EDITION!

[DeepO]

Originally posted by Master Zen
Sorry, we have a strict "only fight you once" policy.

If we would try that too, the only ones left to fight after this war (no matter how it ends), would be RP. Now that would be a surprise move!

DeepO

[DeepO]

Sorry wrong thread.

DeepO

[Master Zen]

Re: Re: The Glory of News - SPECIAL WAR EDITION!

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1265 AD - SPECIAL INVASION EDITION!!!


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BREAKING WAR NEWS
ALLIES LAND IN LEGOLAND!
Stormchickens and GeForce™ wade ashore with minimal casualties.


TRAFALGAR - Despite a string of misfortune in the naval battles in the west, the GS-GoW Alliance landed the most formidable military force ever seen in war, composing over 250 units spread over 3 beaches near Quanto Mechanico, Abilene and Jackson. This was landed by a massive armada which included destroyers and aircraft carriers in support while hundreds of bombers flew overhead making bombing attacks on Legoland and Castlea. "It is the beginning of the end for Lego's schemes for peaceful world domination. If they want to win, they'll have to bleed first". These were the words of GoW Emperor Master Zen before being told that, in fact, Legomen are made of plastic and do not bleed upon which he responded "Ok, burn, melt, whatever".

In the east, GoW forces landed as part of GeForce™, acronym for "GoW Expeditionary Force". Commanding this force is Field Marshall N. Vidia who gave us an exclusive interview: "Our force is composed of one-hundred twenty-eight military brigades, or 128 MB for short. They are equipped with the latest in anti-aliasing and vertex-shading camouflage and have been overclocked with training which means they are fit for battle. Our vehicles are manned by unified drivers to supply the troops efficiently".

Facing GeForce's 100+ troops was a squad of horsemen. "We kinda looked at them funny" said Cpl. Punishment who landed in the first waves with the 9th Infantry. "They just stood there while we dug in". On both sides, troops are prepared for what likely will be a massive Lego counterattack. To that, DeepO, leader of the Gathering Storm remarked "Bring it on".



GoW troops mass near Jackson

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Legopolis bombed!
Manuals long-forgotten will make rebuilding a pain in the ass

LEGOPOLIS - The Capital of Lego, known for its towering Lego blocks which seem to reach the sky, was bombed for the first time by the Glory of Air Force which pounded it relentlessly and caused significant material damage though civilian casualties were largely avoided. The stock exchange, university, granary and temple (one of the oldest in the world) were leveled, as was the renowned Pirate Lego™ factory. "This is a war crime" said Lego leader Vondrack, "Pirate Lego™ was going to be one of the hottest toys this christmas, so many children will not have anything to play with". The official response from Imperial Palace was "Nah na-na na na hah ha-ha ha ha "

Exclusive pictures of the situation in Legoland after the bombing were obtained by the Glory of News™



A Fire Patrol craft extinguishes fires along the Legopolis River.



A Helicopter flies above looking for survivors, the burning skyline can be seen behind.

The situation was worsened when news that the manuals of the destroyed buildings had long been forgotten and lost. "This is going to be rather hard" explained Lego minister ZargonX. "Last time I remember building those was after my dog came running into my room and crashed them all... that was quite some time ago."


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First rift in Alliance over naming controversy
GoW and GS Diplomats clash


EYE OF THE STORM - The first rift in the GS-GoW Alliance was made public yesterday over the controversial issue of naming the two nations together. A special GoW diplomatic mission was sent to Eye of the Storm to discuss the issue and press forward with the name of "The Glory of Storms". This, however, met a cool reception with the Stormian government which insisted on "The Gathering War" instead. "It is clear to us that the 'Glory' aspect presents a far more formidable and imposing image of massive military force" said GoW diplomat Ambassador Aisik-Joo. "On the other hand, the 'Gathering War'? What is this, a twisted weather report?"

When interviewed, Stormian Ambassador Cort Haus explained the Stormian perspective. "We are not warmongers, there is nothing glorious about war: people and chickens die. Our proposal refers to the inminence of this unfortunate conflict without exhalting the virtues of killing". In a related issue the proposal for naming a single-Commander-in-Chief was floated around during the meeting but was quickly written off as the only options were "DeepZ" and "Master O", both of which were met by a round of laughter.


GoW T.V. Listings
1265 AD

Channel 1

10:00 - "Rise and shine lazy barbarian bum" fitness workout.
13:00 - XTreme Squid Fishing (Live from New Spain)
16:00 - Darekill's Arabian Home Cooking (Live from Neu Theben)
19:00 - Bearded Lady Beauty Secrets
23:00 - Late Nite with GhengisFarb
02:00 - Late Late Night with GhengisFarb
04:00 - Late Late Late Night with MZ (Rated XXX)

Channel 3 - Uno's Horror Channel

13:00 - Night of the Living Lux
17:00 - A Nightmare on Hill Street
19:00 - Child's Play III - Bride of Trip

Channel 5 - The Imperial Channel

12:00 - Imperial Parliament Morning Session
14:00 - Imperial Parliament Dissolution
15:00 - Public execution of Parliamentary traitors
17:00 - MZ's Imperial Coronation (Re-run)
19:00 - Bobian War Remembrance Special
21:00 - MZ's Imperial Coronation (Re-re-run)

[Jon Shafer]

Master O!

[vmxa1]

Another fine report MZ.

[Tiberius]

Thank you Deep Master, Commander in Chief of the Allied Turkey Invadors (ATI™) army: you really gave me a really good laugh

btw, the capital of Legoland is called Legopolis

[Rhothaerill]

Heh, that was great MZ!

[Kloreep]

Re: Re: Re: The Glory of News - SPECIAL WAR EDITION!

Originally posted by Master Zen
The situation was worsened when news that the manuals of the destroyed buildings had long been forgotten and lost. "This is going to be rather hard" explained Lego minister ZargonX. "Last time I remember building those was after my dog came running into my room and crashed them all... that was quite some time ago."

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Tiberius


Thank you Deep Master, Commander in Chief of the Allied Turkey Invadors (ATI™) army: you really gave me a really good laugh

Deep Master... nah, that sounds more like a movie from my "Late Late Late Nite with MZ" show.

btw, the capital of Legoland is called Legopolis

The Glory of News™ apologizes to its faithful readers for this errata.

[Cort Haus]

Great stuff, MZ!

[DeepO]

Deep.....Z?

[conmcb25]

Re: Re: Re: The Glory of News - SPECIAL WAR EDITION!

My favorite part below

Originally posted by Master Zen
The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1265 AD - SPECIAL INVASION EDITION!!!


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GoW T.V. Listings
1265 AD

Channel 1

10:00 - "Rise and shine lazy barbarian bum" fitness workout.
13:00 - XTreme Squid Fishing (Live from New Spain)
16:00 - Darekill's Arabian Home Cooking (Live from Neu Theben)
19:00 - Bearded Lady Beauty Secrets
23:00 - Late Nite with GhengisFarb
02:00 - Late Late Night with GhengisFarb
04:00 - Late Late Late Night with MZ (Rated XXX)

Channel 3 - Uno's Horror Channel

13:00 - Night of the Living Lux
17:00 - A Nightmare on Hill Street
19:00 - Child's Play III - Bride of Trip

Channel 5 - The Imperial Channel

12:00 - Imperial Parliament Morning Session
14:00 - Imperial Parliament Dissolution
15:00 - Public execution of Parliamentary traitors
17:00 - MZ's Imperial Coronation (Re-run)
19:00 - Bobian War Remembrance Special
21:00 - MZ's Imperial Coronation (Re-re-run)

[Aggie]

Hey!!!!! WHERE'S THE AGGIE CHANNEL?. Since the scent of blood has awakened me, I need a proper forum for my bloodthirsty appetite.
Aggie:

[Theseus]

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Aggie
Hey!!!!! WHERE'S THE AGGIE CHANNEL?. Since the scent of blood has awakened me, I need a proper forum for my bloodthirsty appetite.
Aggie:

Ah, you have a cable channel, we'll put the cable channel listings next edition