The Glory of News - SPECIAL WAR EDITION!

[Hot_Enamel]

[ZargonX]

In the isle of the Legos
They took the fight across the sea
With a swiftness and a fury
That did change the world to be
As the smoke was barely clearing
They let loose the nukes with glee
Glory of War is marching on

You know, not to be critical, but GS really did most of the work on Lego

[UnOrthOdOx]

Hey, no criticising the all of 5 minutes I put into that.

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by ZargonX


You know, not to be critical, but GS really did most of the work on Lego

Fort Stanwix ring a bell?

And had GoW not landed in the east, you would not have had to split your defense, hence GS would not have broken through.

Last but not least, had the invasion failed on both sides, it'd have been our carriers bombing your cities to the stone age.

[DeepO]

Originally posted by Master Zen
Fort Stanwix ring a bell?

Ehh... MZ, that was Lego's brilliant tactical move, not yours

Last but not least, had the invasion failed on both sides, it'd have been our carriers bombing your cities to the stone age.

Oh, but I agree. You're a far better pillager than we are. But the past few years, we're learning fast how to do it properly

DeepO

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by DeepO

Ehh... MZ, that was Lego's brilliant tactical move, not yours

The brilliance was all theirs.

[patriot]
But breaking that deadlock was the result of the courage and sacrifice of the brave men and beared women who fell on the mud and trenches of Stanwix
[/patriot]

With a little help of our friends of course

Oh, but I agree. You're a far better pillager than we are. But the past few years, we're learning fast how to do it properly
DeepO

A little too fast I'd say. You've razed cities we were still 2 turns or more from threatening

[Krill]

A little too fast I'd say. You've razed cities we were still 2 turns or more from threatening

No, it's just that you have not planned your offensive well enough.

[Master Zen]

Well if you hadn't razed Dissidentville the offensive would've been all but over by now...

[Rhothaerill]

Whoops, wrong thread.

[conmcb25]

Which thread is this???

[Master Zen]

Re: Re: 1350 AD Edition

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1365 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING NEWS
GoW economy de-mobilized
Toilet Paper now on sale for the first time in over 300 years


IMPERIAL CITY - With the last Lego and Spanish redoubts captured by the GoW Army, an Imperial decree allowed the economy to return to peaceful civilian production after over 300 years of war production. "It is great! I can now buy a new toothbrush!" cheered Trafalgar resident Martha Sagtit "the old one was so worn out I was brushing with the handle". The malls and supermarkets across the empire were filled to the brim with shoppers buying everything from toilet paper to boxer shorts and car parts. "I was sick of hearing the Imperial March CD" said one youngster from Killdaria "now I can get the new Ashlee Simpson album and be the coolest kid on the block!"

Though it is unknown whether the new civilian production is merely a temporary affair, GoWers have been encouraged to stock up on all essential items in case rationing is re-introduced without notice, making armor-piercing shells replace stereo systems and wire-guided torpedoes take the place of kitchen stoves in most retail outlets. "I am definitely not taking any chances" said a Resolute housewife "I'm going to be stocking up on all my essentials today". When asked what those essentials were, she replied "three cans of shaving cream, six razors, two bottles of industrial-strenght Nair, and a liter-size bottle of wax. And that's just for my right leg!".


After a 300 year absence, Pokemon toilet paper is back on sale!




------------------------------

GoW loses Universal Warmonger Clubâ„¢ license
Building SETI was too "builder-ish"


IMPERIAL CITY - The Glory of War lost their Universal Warmonger Clubâ„¢ license for an unspecified duration due to Emperor MZ's decision to use their first Great Leader ever to stimulate the construction of the SETI Program instead of using it for what every red-blooded rare meat-eating baby seal-clubbing warmonger would do: build an Army. The Universal Warmonger Club is an intergalactic non-profit assosiation which promotes the sadistic domination of others by brutal deadly force. Associates include Spartan Federation, the Mongol Empire, the Klingon race, the Galactic Empire and the administration of George W. Bush.

Leaders of the UWC expressed their profound outrage at the GoW Emperor's decision in a series of interviews with the GoN staff. "He had so much potential" said Genghis Khan, "to squander it on a wussy wonder made me think otherwise. Emperor Palpatine remarked "he was so close to achieving the full powers of the Dark Side, I am quite disappointed". Spartan leader Corazón Santiago mentioned "he really duped the UWC, though I admit there was previous evidence of his peaceful ways, I mean 800 years of peace before the Lego War seemed rather suspicious". Last but no less forgiving was the current President of the United States: "I taught him all he knows: to disregard international treaties, to invade weaker, defenseless nations with lame excuses. He is a disgrace to militarism everywhere".

It is unknown whether the UWC will re-admit GoW back into their ranks. If such a thing would happen it is said that a massive show of warmongerism, like nuclear-backstabbing ND or genocidically erradicating Vox, would be necessary pre-conditions.



Glory of Polls


Q: During the war economy's toilet paper rationing, how did you wipe your ass?

52% - With The Glory of Newsâ„¢
26% - With leftover "Lego: Surrender Now!" propaganda
12% - With posters of Master Zen
7% - With Imperial Tax Forms
3% - With my wife's beard

[Theseus]

I can attest: I made out with Martha during a secret cross-border bachelor party, and I knew something was wrong! I was totally focused on the hairbrush problem, and didn't consider the TOOTHBRUSHES. Thank the gods I was drunk as a storm skunk (which is very drunk and very smelly indeed). On the other hand, she did this thing...

[Master Zen]

You'd needed to have been storm skunk drunk to make out with someone called Martha Sagtit.