Ahh, Women...

[duke o' york]

Don't even try to understand women. Just understand one woman at a time. Sure, you won't get a total grasp of everything, and she'll still surprise you sometimes, but if you really need an in-depth study then just concentrate on the most important woman, not half the globe. Generalisations fail when it comes to women - no matter what two women might have in common, they won't react the same way to the same things. This goes for everything (), so just concentrate on the woman at hand (or that you wish was at hand Diss, and others ), and work out how she works.

I am so tempted to attach something to this thread so that it gets a little paper clip next to the title, and attracts people who will be disappointed once they open it. Maybe if we got Grandpa Troll along with something suitable....

[Pekka]

Yeah women are just stupid. That's why I hope I was gay sometimes. Then I realize how sweet I am, so then I calm down.

The number 1 reason I get pissed off when woman wants to start pissing me off is the question of:
"Why are you like that again?" when you are being 100% normal. IF you ask "What do you mean?" .. "You know, like that". ****! SHUT UP! I'm TIRED of this moochyboochy what'swrongwithyou crap. I'm FINE! So SHUT UP! Don't make me hurt my hand again!

PEKKA's STRONG MAN FAQ#

Basically you have an impossible fight ahead of you, so you have three options. 1) You can do what most men do and submit. Say you're sorry. 2) You can try to reason, using logic, won't work and it ends up you submitting and saying you're sorry. 3) What every real man does and attacks. Pre-emptive strike. You can see mile away where it's going, you're being set up, but you fight your way out of the trap. You make her feel like crap. You make her feel like she's in the wrong, and that you're the man and you don't take this from her. Not this time you don't.

"Do you think I look fat in this?". "YES! Go lose weight you hippo girl". At least you don't have to fight longer, she will cry. That's it. Dont' say you're sorry. At least not in the next 30 minutes.

She throws your CD's away, because she don't like what you listen? Fine, throw her crap away too, and then take the money out of her wallet, that equals the money you spent on the CDs she threw out. If she cries, slap her around "GROW UP!".

She wants sex? Don't give her any. Just be cold. 'MY head hurts'. Of course, only women can get angry when YOU don't give any, but YOU can't get angry if her head hurts. So when she gets angry about it, insult her. Say she looks fat and you wish her parents would die.

The Repeat Game: When she starts again busting your balls because you didn't do anything wrong, play the repeat game. Repeat what she says. Do over dramatic acting too. When she again gets angry, you get happy, and still play the repeat game. If she hits you, insult her.

If she complains you about leaving the toilet seat up, fire back and say you're tired of lifting it. And if she's too tired to watch the toilet before sitting on it, pee on the floor and say you can't be expected to look at it either before doing it.

If she wants to change your hair, you say you want her to shave downstairs, pronto. You won't be the only one looking jungle madness. If she cries, insult her.

When she forbids you seeing your own friends, just say OK, and when she talks to her friends in the phone, rip the phone cord out of the wall and start yelling like bigfoot. Eye for an eye. She makes fun about your porn stash? Make fun about her clothes and makeup. Insult her.

If she ever insults you, dump her and put the nudie pics you took of her to the internet.

[Pekka]

Also, women come up with the same fight starters, because they want to fight. They want to be little annoying every now and then, for no good reason at all.

So you should do that too. Hey, it's the new millenium, equality of sexes. Once every now and then, take the coldest look into your eyes while doing something that's not important, like making food or fixing something, 'I don't love you'. Leave it at that. Don' let it go into an argument. Just make sure she cries. Then don't talk to her for few hours. Watch TV, ignore her pleas.

She embarrases you in front of the family and her friends 'he's my little love bear smoochyboochies'. OK, take that. You can take that, because you know what's coming for her soon. When you're with your friends, and she's with you 'oh she's my little sex toy, she's so wild. Maybe I'll let you do a test drive someday!'. Maybe she learns to keep her yap shut someday.

She buys super expensive piece of something that's not of direct use to you with your money? Fine, take her money and go buy yourself 100 cases of beer and stack'em up in the garage. With your guitar, where you can start whailing it drunk when she decides it's time to watch some stupid soap opera. Make sure you're louder than the TV.

[duke o' york]

Wow.

[MikeH]

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

"No, I think it's probably all the pies."

[MikeH]

The important part of that is the pause after the "No" wait until she starts to answer before saying the pies part, timing is very important.

[alva]

Fine, take her money and go buy yourself 100 cases of beer and stack'em up in the garage. With your guitar, where you can start whailing it drunk when she decides it's time to watch some stupid soap opera. Make sure you're louder than the TV.

Hmm dude, you've already lost when your toys are in the garage...

-
"something wrong honey?"
"No...I'm ok"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes..yes, I'm fine, nothing wrong"
"well, ok then..." be very

[Bosh]

Recently....

Her: are you doing the dishes.
Me: I'll do them in a minute.
Her: now.
Me: I'll do them now.

I appear to be learning

[rah]

As I get older, my hearing is not as acute as it used to be. Instead of being frustrated by it, I've started using it to my advantage.

I have slightly exagerated the extent of the problem, which allows me to pretend I didn't hear a specific question or comment when necessary. It has saved me considerable grieve.

When asked a trick question, you get more time to remember that it is one. And "huh" is no longer a bad answer.

When it's a comment meant to invoke a certain response, you can just stare back lacking comprehension and sometime they just won't repeat it.
If it's a especially innane comment, if you keep asking them to repeat it, about the fourth time, even they get frustrated.

When she asked if I should be looking at hearing aids, I give her my best smile and say, "it's not that bad yet" and she marks it up to Macho Male crap and just smiles.

Everyone is a winner.

[:) Smiley]

Pekka, you oughtta start a TV show.

[-SafaN-]

I mostly don't talk to women. I'm 22 and I'm already sure i will be single for the rest of my life. I don't pay for women, but my first answer is always "don't ask something if u don't want an answer" Sometimes they understand, if not, just kiss them when they open their mouth. I know this is a very pessimissic view of the women as object, but i believe they see men as objects to. More reference at www.intelectualwhore.com

I was one, now i'm clean
Yes i am straight and yes i have regular sex

SafaN

[Spec]

First of all, women are not that hard to understand, just hard to live with.

There is no subject you cant talk about with women, just things you cant say.

Women are very compationate, if you pledge an alliance with her way of thinking.

Also, a well f***ed woman is very attentive and understanding. After a good one, I can practicly, using a sweet voice tell her anything that gets on my nerves about our relationship and she takes it well. But of course, she forgets about it the day after and everything goes back to normal. But hey, it felt good just talking about it.

What I hate MOST about women. They have the right to do anything. I mean, not do the dishes, not clean up, stay out late, etc, and they always have a good excuse for it. It’s always justified from their point of view. But if WE do or not do something, the same things they did the week before, we have no right of doing so because we never have a good reason for doing so.

Even the argument:’’ Imagine what you would have said if I had told you that’’ doesn’t work. Put yourself in MY shoes honey! I don’t nag, she always nags. I get irritated because she mentions everything:’’ You left your shoes besides the door, you left some bread crumbs on the counter, you forgot to take out the trash…’’, and so on, minimum 5 times a day. I say something maybe once a month MAX. And when I do, she turns it all around on me…:’’Well you don’t do this and you didn’t do that and tetetetetetetetetetetetetetete’’ and she manages to win….

So the lesson of the story is:

WOMEN ARE ALWAYS RIGHT, EVEN WHEN THEY ARE WRONG.


Spec.

[Snowflake]

Oh poor pekka. I pity you so much. Don't be so frustrated. You'll find your dream one day.

[Snowflake]

Originally posted by Lonestar


Translation:

Come on guys, I want the Moon!

Now now, why would I want the Moon. Silly boy. I want the stars.

[Colon™]

Originally posted by rah
As I get older, my hearing is not as acute as it used to be. Instead of being frustrated by it, I've started using it to my advantage.

I have slightly exagerated the extent of the problem, which allows me to pretend I didn't hear a specific question or comment when necessary. It has saved me considerable grieve.

When asked a trick question, you get more time to remember that it is one. And "huh" is no longer a bad answer.

When it's a comment meant to invoke a certain response, you can just stare back lacking comprehension and sometime they just won't repeat it.
If it's a especially innane comment, if you keep asking them to repeat it, about the fourth time, even they get frustrated.

When she asked if I should be looking at hearing aids, I give her my best smile and say, "it's not that bad yet" and she marks it up to Macho Male crap and just smiles.

Everyone is a winner.

Ahhh the splendid benefits of bad ears... I'm hearing impaired myself and I've saved myself from many a tricky question with it. But don't be afraid of hearing aids, you can still use such tricks with it and look genuine. And besides, you can always be too stubborn to wear them unless really necessary. (which is: at work )

[Tiamat]

Yes selective hearing is a wonderful thing. My husband uses it often but then he forgets. You know one minute he doesn't hear a thing that I say and then the next when they are saying what channel Jenna Jameson is coming on well he hears that one in the bathroom that's in the bedroom with both doors closed.

So how is it he can hear through two closed doors about Jenna but can't hear me 2 feet away asking for him to take out the trash

[duke o' york]

You haven't come across the innate male Jameson mental powers? It also comes into operation with regard to the whisky of that name, and curiously enough, for all of their competitors too.

[Spec]

Originally posted by Tiamat
...but can't hear me 2 feet away asking for him to take out the trash

You see, that's the problem right there. Why dont yo take it out your self?

The problem is:

Girls always ask the boyfriend to do stuff....or tells him to do stuff but the boy does it by himself instyead of asking. And if we ask, it's a sure ''no''.

Spec.

[rah]

Originally posted by Tiamat
Yes selective hearing is a wonderful thing. My husband uses it often but then he forgets. You know one minute he doesn't hear a thing that I say and then the next when they are saying what channel Jenna Jameson is coming on well he hears that one in the bathroom that's in the bedroom with both doors closed.

So how is it he can hear through two closed doors about Jenna but can't hear me 2 feet away asking for him to take out the trash

Sometimes it's a question of ambiant background noise, depending on the frequency. There are circumstances when I can hear great, and others when I have problems. So he may not be necessarily spoofing you.

[CerberusIV]

Originally posted by Tiamat
So how is it he can hear through two closed doors about Jenna but can't hear me 2 feet away asking for him to take out the trash

It is all in the way we pick out sounds. Like when you hear your own name across a crowded noisy room because you are mentally set to identify that sound. So your husband, like all men, is programmed to pick up sounds that relate to things he likes. "Take out the trash" is not in that category.

I'm as guilty as anyone. When I get home from work the tale of my SO's day gets a polite "Yes dear". She could have said "Would you like me to shoot you now?" for all I know. But "Would you like a beer?" gets a live and coherent response.

[Pekka]

snowflake, yes, if I ever do, it should be great because I ain't putting up with crap.

I take out the trash. No problem. I can take it out everytime. If she makes food, I will take out trash. If she does dishes, I'll do vacuuming. If she takes care that our bathroom looks nice (not girlie, but nice, metrosexual nice), I will take care that I won't mess up the living room all the time but pick the stuff after myself. If she makes the yard look nice, I'll wash the car(s) and change tires and all that, so they look nice too. If she makes sure our bedroom is clean and nice (not girlie, but metrosexual nice), I will make sure the garage isn't horrible, manly, but not horrible.

No problem. And we can change roles every now and then and we can alwayhs help each other. No problem.

But you see, the problem is, these days in here, there are no women who know how to make food, or do stuff. I'm afraid it'll be me who cooks every single day, cleans everything, makes sure there's tp in the bathroom and all that. Why? BEcause they have impontentisized men to think it's about time for us to do all that. And what will women do then? Hey, call me chauvinist, but if the hag is sitting on her ass all day long, it ain't equality. She better be good in bed too. I don't like to have wife who is horrible in bed. It's not sexists, it's a fact.

[Colon™]

[Pekka]

Well laugh all you want.. but I ain't making babies with a woman that can't cook. I can date her, no problem, but no kids. 'Daddy, all the kids in school say you're a butty man because their moms make the food' 'oh that what they said? HEAR THAT MY LOVELY WIFE! YOU COULD TRY THIS ONCE IN A WHILE YOU KNOW..' 'SHUT UP BUTTY MAN! CHAUVINIST PIG!'.. yeah what a happy family.

They should be mad to God that they give birth and not men. It's not my fault they have to stop working for a while because of the baby and I can keep up with working. It's not my fault, and I'm not going to be sorry for having superior penis. It has mind of its own, and the fact is, penis rules the house. Why would I want to marry a woman who acts and is like a man, except has boobs? I could just as easily marry a man, at least we'd have common interests and could talk normally. The bottom line is, women are women and men are men, and if someone has a problem with it, they're either men without penis or women with penis.

[duke o' york]

This is one of the finest threads I have ever had the privilege to read. Some of your greatest work Pekka.

[Colon™]

Originally posted by Tiamat
Yes selective hearing is a wonderful thing. My husband uses it often but then he forgets. You know one minute he doesn't hear a thing that I say and then the next when they are saying what channel Jenna Jameson is coming on well he hears that one in the bathroom that's in the bedroom with both doors closed.

So how is it he can hear through two closed doors about Jenna but can't hear me 2 feet away asking for him to take out the trash

Well, what rah said.

But selective hearing is hardly a strictly male thing you know. (and thanks to the wondrous technology of MSN, they always happen to have just left, or happen to have been occupied by something significant, when something tricky comes up. )

[Natalinasmpf]

I really don't get it; you people fuss over what is difficult, fickle, or whatever, but the main problem is because you generally are lazy, don't spend enough effort....(observation)

She buys super expensive piece of something that's not of direct use to you with your money? Fine, take her money and go buy yourself 100 cases of beer and stack'em up in the garage. With your guitar, where you can start whailing it drunk when she decides it's time to watch some stupid soap opera. Make sure you're louder than the TV.

Selfish, obnoxious, drunkard.

What is it with "direct use"?

[Skanky Burns]

/me women.

I've found that honesty is generally the best policy, but there are times it will get you into more trouble than it is worth.

[Snowflake]

Originally posted by Pekka
women are women and men are men

There you go Pekka. You just said the key words. Women are women and men are men. Don't complain if women do not think or act like men.

I'm sure you could scare away all the girls who don't cook by pretending to be an abusive and silly man who dreams about a submissive wife all day long. But you might just scare away all the girls who cook too, in the same time. And one day you wonder, why is it all the other kid's daddy's got all the girls that cook?

Now seriously, I'd say this is fair.

I take out the trash. No problem. I can take it out everytime. If she makes food, I will take out trash. If she does dishes, I'll do vacuuming. If she takes care that our bathroom looks nice (not girlie, but nice, metrosexual nice), I will take care that I won't mess up the living room all the time but pick the stuff after myself. If she makes the yard look nice, I'll wash the car(s) and change tires and all that, so they look nice too. If she makes sure our bedroom is clean and nice (not girlie, but metrosexual nice), I will make sure the garage isn't horrible, manly, but not horrible.

No problem. And we can change roles every now and then and we can alwayhs help each other. No problem.

The only problem is that you shouldn't expect a relationship between a man and a woman to be a trade, or a contract, or something like that. In a happy family both the man and the woman contributes and do their share, but that's not all. There are more to it that you don't know yet, and many of the other men who are complaining actually know about.

If you are lucky, you'll know about it one day.

[Pekka]

Natalinasmpf,

[talibanleadermode]
I'm sorry for your husband
[/talebanleadermode]

[Pekka]

Snowflake,

You're right, women should act like women. I agree. But modern women act like men these days. I don't mean they sdhould act like women did in 20s and 30s, being slaves of men. They should act like women though, and not the men of today.

Face it, you're just trying to spray propaganda to my face, so you can live another day as the leader of femme domination club, with torch in your hand and the problem is you aren't in a cave anymore. We're the ones in the cave, and I'm carrying the torch. You're the establishment, and you're the oppressors. Ever since hippies threw their bras away was the day when their boobies started hanging prematurely, and the day they started not wearing deodorant is the day the whole world went upside down to worse.