It's probably onions.

[kentonio]

Well I've got plenty of other negatives to push away that one woman deranged enough to want to fix me.

Never underestimate a woman's desire for a challenge.

Seriously though dude, unless you have a serial killing hobby you haven't shared with us, you're really not as uniquely flawed as you think. Cliche though it may be, your own worst enemy is almost certainly yourself. If you were that much of a ****up you wouldn't have had the earlier girlfriend and the whole 'kids/no kids' issue in the first place.

As someone who regularly bounces between 'introvert neurotic who can barely speak to people' and 'raging social animal who wants to talk to everyone' I can relate to the whole thing of feeling like making conversation with someone will automatically feel forced and the other person will immediately know that you're doing it to try and create a connection and why do you have the right to put them in a position where they have to accept that contact that they didn't initiate, but most people really don't think like that. If you wandered through her part of the building and just told her she looked nice today or something, the chances are she'd just be flattered and interested (if she actually likes you).

[Lorizael]

I should really merge my two whining threads, since kentonio seems to have gotten lost.

[kentonio]

I should really merge my two whining threads, since kentonio seems to have gotten lost.

The day I have to concentrate to post here is the day I stop posting here.

[N35t0r]

EBF has offered to go and 'help'.

[Lorizael]

The relationship with my ex was great. Not perfect, but great. That relationship being over, her no longer being a part of my life, the fact that she has a life trajectory completely detached from mine... those are all sad things. And they will always be sad things. But they should only be sad in proportion to the totality of my experiences. In forty years time, my ex's life will be about the family she has made with her husband (probably) and I will just be a footnote, one of the guys she was with before she got married. So she has to be for me, too. I have to fill my life with new experiences, new memories, new people. In forty years time, what happened with my ex can still be a sad thing, but over the course of my full life, it'll just be one small sad thing in an ocean of other experiences, good and bad. So long as I do, in fact, have an ocean of new experiences. Which I have to have. Starting right now.

In the meantime, I cannot replace my ex. There is no person out there with whom I have had a wonderful 4 year relationship that I can simply insert into my life to fill the hole she has left. But when I met the ex, she was not that, but just another person I was looking to have new experiences with in the wake of me and EBF ending our friendship. All I can do in the moment is seek out tiny new experiences to fill my life with, little encounters with new people, good and bad, to create new impressions, new memories, new associations. If I do that well, and for long enough, and with enough enthusiasm, I may eventually have someone in my life who fills my ex-hole more or less, but I can only get there the way I got there originally, by seeking out new experiences and not letting old memories be the totality of my existence.

/thread

[ricketyclik]

We all need someone to fill our ex-hole

[Dinner]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]178735[/ATTACH]

"Are you...Spade?"

"..."

"I never know how to answer that one..."

Sam Spade was the man.

[Dinner]

Try online dating and go take some casual classes outside of your comfort zone. Something aimed at a hobby or a skill not academic. Cooking classes, a bowling team, joining a hiking group, learning to do pottery, what ever. It will distract you, help you learn something new, and you just might make some new friends.