Muuuch better... 
2 comments:
In stead of "in previous positions" I would put "As a reserve officer with the US marine corps"... as long as you emphasise why your experience is relevant, no harm is done in mentioning where you got it from
I wouldn't put in any [Company information]. It is unnecessary and only adds to the burden of reading your letter. Besides, you might expect that those reading your cover letter know what their company is about.
2 comments:
In stead of "in previous positions" I would put "As a reserve officer with the US marine corps"... as long as you emphasise why your experience is relevant, no harm is done in mentioning where you got it from
I wouldn't put in any [Company information]. It is unnecessary and only adds to the burden of reading your letter. Besides, you might expect that those reading your cover letter know what their company is about.
However, did you prepare the entries or just type them into the system. If you just typed them in but definitely can prepare the entries don't call it data entry.
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