STILL ALIVE!

[Bereta_Eder]

You can discreetly show her that you are next to her.

Don't vanish but don't overbear her either.

What you felt (safe, secure, kindred spirit) chances are she felt that too. Maybe she has some doubts. Maybe it's about the health situation.

If you press your presence ("demands") on to her now, she will go away. If you dissapear maybe she will, maybe she won't.
If you can give her some discreet space while at the same time showing that you think of her, maybe it will work out.

[Pekka]

You can discreetly show her that you are next to her.

Don't vanish but don't overbear her either.

What you felt (safe, secure, kindred spirit) chances are she felt that too. Maybe she has some doubts. Maybe it's about the health situation.

If you press your presence ("demands") on to her now, she will go away. If you dissapear maybe she will, maybe she won't.
If you can give her some discreet space while at the same time showing that you think of her, maybe it will work out.

I think she already went away. Damn, people should have some manners. It would be common courtesy to say and not vanish. That is childish and stupid. I will not ask anything. She vanished so she wanted to disappear. Nothing I can do to stop it, or be even ruder.

But yeah, that sucks. Have to take away the credit again. Then again this shows how she will act in a difficult situation and I don't like it. You can't disappear and act as if.

So, in other news my mom just said she will apply for a job in London. I don't think she'll get it (sorry) but if she does, I am totally left with the kids because she is the only one who helps me with the kids. Now I am not sure if that sucks even more. She has been my only live person support against the evil that is my ex-wife. AND basically it's 3 year trip, so she will miss 3 years of her grandkids. I don't know what to think about that. Of course she would come to aid if I get ill again, but to not have any place to take the kids to is a bad situation for me. I often have to work longer, or have work related trips, during which I leave the kids at grandmas. Also, it is one of the things I have with the whole joint custody thing: if I was to get ill, my mom will help. Even temporarily. This is what my ex-wife raised against me. Now, if she leaves for a London gig, all that is gone.

She is dreaming of this thing that she is then going to visit us and we can visit her in London but let's be real; maybe once or twice a year at the maximum. Then again, if she wants to go, it is not like I should stop her.

Today is not the best of days, I just feel I'm ****ed from all directions.

[kentonio]

She is dreaming of this thing that she is then going to visit us and we can visit her in London but let's be real; maybe once or twice a year at the maximum.

Why, you're still in Finland aren't you? Cheap as hell flights to London are the easiest thing in the world to get, you're probably only talking between 20-100 euros depending on when you book (if you're close to Helsinki).

[Pekka]

True, but it is not like she can come to Finland for a day to look after the kids. That is more the issue at hand. So probably more than few times a year, but regardless, it will be much more difficult. This is not the first time either, she seems to be looking only jobs that are abroad. Last time it was Spain. Or Canada. That is because the situation here in Finland is bad. No jobs. Also, being a pastor does not provide many opportunities. Things are fairly complex at the moment, I just don't like adding complexity. And the fact is, when it comes to custody battle, my side of the family lives in another country, then. It was a strong point when they lived 35 minutes away (current situation), and my dad less than 1km. My dad though can't really help anymore, he's kind of old and I need to take care of him more or less now and in the near future.

edit: I mean all of these are solvable, I just don't like any more puzzles right now. I don't have much energy.

[Pekka]

OK things are already getting better. I remember what I do when this kind of wave of crap hits you. Obviously I also have that MRI coming up, soon.

So anyway, I told my boss that listen, I have not slept well for a month and I have many challenges in my civilian life that I do not bring here but it has to do with the kids and relationships. So he immediately said go to a psychologist and what do you like to do? I said I go to gym, I sweat it out. So he said "go". I have a pair of my gym stuff at work so I went. I met my trainer there who asked what was going on since I guess she saw that I came to do an extra work out. So I said, and she gave me an assignment, where I have to fill in tons of things and think about them, and she said she will then help me figure out some of those challenges. But all kinds of... I could say, 360 approach to things. I liked it and I will definitely do it.

She was happy and smiling, as always, so I got into a good mood as well. She's cool. I do not think her in that way, only as a pro, and a friendly pro. Like I could probably ask her advice on stuff, she has asked a few favors which I was happy to do, I get discount from her gym and it works out well like that. Anyway, she wanted to help so she said to me, "listen, you should come to group sessions, we've got lots of great single women there...". And right then she started pimping one for me. "Hey x, come here ,this is Pekka, you know what he did last summer?", so that's nice.

It's none of these fitness bimbos with mental problems and body dimorphism as well as anorexia in real life (the muscles are an illusion). No, we have functional training so people are in there for movement, strength and just gymnastic stuff. Of course it's packed with gorgeous women, but I am there to work out. It is important for me to focus, just like I want to work out and not have people watching me. But... of course none of this is still concrete. But it made me feel better. I don't know, for some reason I felt instantly better. Of course it was the work out, endorphins, and the friendly atmosphere, meeting my trusted trainer but I kind of felt.... hey, it's all going to work out.

And forget about that one woman. I mean.... jeesh, the manners? Not cool. And now I feel that everything can be solved again.

[pchang]

Good to hear.

[Pekka]

Yeah, sorry guys I am a bit off the wall here. I know it has to do with the custody battle, I can't get it out of my mind and I sleep horribly. So I try to distract myself from it and then those things when they don't go as planned, well obviously it's got nothing to do with those things. But I'd like it very much that my biggest issue at the moment is a date that was cancelled. So what. Move on.