Please don't take this too seriously.

[Lorizael]

Bah. She makes me too angry. She beat her depression, which is great, but then she went and did what so many depression survivors do: massively overgeneralize and assume that what worked for her must work for everybody (and also, that she's acquired profound wisdom and great insight into the human condition as a result).

[rah]

and yet you still try to stay close to her. *sigh*

[Lorizael]

Heh. I do a very good job of not talking to her most of the time. Honestly, ending my friendship with her was probably one of the best things I ever did, though not necessarily because it meant we weren't friends anymore. The timeline goes something like this:

September 2008 - I confront EBF about the state of our friendship. EBF basically admits that we're not best friends anymore because she can get everything she got from me (and more) from other people without having to put up with my depression. I feel distinctly betrayed by all of this (because we had made explicit promises to be "best friends forever" ) and end our friendship. I cry for basically 2 days straight, and then decide to use this as an opportunity to start fresh. I suddenly become much more productive at work, start listening to new music, eating new foods, and in general confronting rather than running away from my fears. (This also roughly coincides with my starting antidepressants again, but it can't be the whole story.)

November 2008 - I decide to do NaNoWriMo in order to meet new people and to kickstart my "blocked" writing. I join a writing group that I've stuck with ever since, in the process making new friends of my own initiative that I still have to this day. And, of course, I meet ex.

March 2009 - After pursuing ex for several months, I finally successfully woo her and begin our 4-year relationship.

May 2010 - I start a new job that I have had ever since, coming to 4.5 years. I had not previously had a job that lasted more than 1.5 years.

June 2010 - Ex and I move in together, and stay living together for the next 2 years.

April 2012 - I decide to go back to school again, for reals, after having retaught myself calculus, chemistry, and a few other subjects.

January 2013 - I begin seeing a therapist again, and she helps me considerably. I'm still seeing her today, marking 2 years with the same mental health professional, which is longer than any other dalliance with psychotherapy by a factor of like 12.

December 2013 - After septupling my GPA of .5 at Montgomery College, I manage to get into the University of Maryland.

Now-ish - After successfully completing a full-time semester at Maryland while also working full-time, I've decided to quit my job and basically focus all of my energies on school. I expect to graduate in ~3 semesters.

I've left out a lot, including a bunch of bad things that have happened (see this thread for examples), but also some good things (like finishing a novel, submitting a completed short story for publication, etc.), but the point of this timeline is to show that, since EBF and I stopped being friends 6.5 years ago, there's been a steady trend of mounting success in pretty much all spheres of my life (interpersonal, emotional, creative, academic, occupational) that is more or less unprecedented before EBF and I stopped being friends.

[rah]

Yeah yeah, but we only see the slices you post here and I guess you post more about her than you actually interact with her these days so sometimes it's hard to tell. But it's nice to see you put together a time line which shows some of the good strides you've made. You have admitted that some times this thread has focused on the negatives. I'm one of those glass full guys so sometimes I have problems understanding where you're coming from.

[Lorizael]

This thread most definitely focuses on the negatives.

One of the best insights my therapist has given me is that I may think I'm really depressed (and talk and post like I'm really depressed), but that doesn't necessarily mean I am. I know what depression is like. Depression is holding a knife to my throat because the girl I'm obsessed with doesn't even know who I am. Depression is only managing to graduate from high school because my teachers don't want to see me flunk out. Depression is wasting away at my parents' house until 22 because I have absolutely no idea what else I could possibly do. Depression is being constantly angry at myself and taking out all that anger on everyone close to me. Depression is lying to everyone who tries to help me. Depression is not being able to get out of bed, not enjoying anything, and not seeing any hope at all for my future.

And, well, objectively, my life hasn't been like that for quite a long time (which is not to say I don't still have problems).

[I AM MOBIUS]

Technically speaking, by your standards, that's a really uplifting post.

[ricketyclik]

From what I've seen chronic depression is a chemical imbalance locked in a feedback loop with a personality disorder.

[DaShi]

This thread most definitely focuses on the negatives.

One of the best insights my therapist has given me is that I may think I'm really depressed (and talk and post like I'm really depressed), but that doesn't necessarily mean I am. I know what depression is like. Depression is holding a knife to my throat because the girl I'm obsessed with doesn't even know who I am. Depression is only managing to graduate from high school because my teachers don't want to see me flunk out. Depression is wasting away at my parents' house until 22 because I have absolutely no idea what else I could possibly do. Depression is being constantly angry at myself and taking out all that anger on everyone close to me. Depression is lying to everyone who tries to help me. Depression is not being able to get out of bed, not enjoying anything, and not seeing any hope at all for my future.

And, well, objectively, my life hasn't been like that for quite a long time (which is not to say I don't still have problems).

Lately I've been ridiculously optimistic to the point that it is stumping my family and colleagues.

Personally, I don't understand depression given all the horrors that other people experience daily. Being depressed while not having your own children roasted in front of you seems kind of narcissistic.

[Lorizael]

I've been in a perversely good mood recently, so I'm not going to tell you to eat your own **** and **** off.

[DaShi]

It's like my father used to say, "I'll give you something to cry about." I had such a happy childhood. I wasn't allowed to have anything else.

[Bereta_Eder]

It's been said that depression (some forms of it) is a luxury disease.it happens when you have the time for it.

[N35t0r]

It's like my father used to say, "I'll give you something to cry about." I had such a happy childhood. I wasn't allowed to have anything else.

Are you being an ******* deliberately? Do you miss ben and want to fill in his spot?

[Elok]

The answer to DaShi is the same as the answer to BK: STOP READING. Ignore. Do not click to view post. Haven't read a damn thing he said since Xmas, and lemme tell you, it's liberating. You look at the grey block and say, "Hmm, you very likely put a certain amount of effort into being a douche with that post--for reasons I don't entirely understand--and you know what? I'm not gonna read it! Your effort is wasted. Lalala!"

[DaShi]

Are you being an ******* deliberately? Do you miss ben and want to fill in his spot?

I was being an ******* deliberately.

Sorry, Lori, I just wasn't taking your condition seriously.

[Lorizael]

I don't understand how someone can complain that their leg hurts if it wasn't flayed off by a school of angry piranhas.