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  • For Guynemer and Dr. Strangelove

    Doctor Quickly Scribbles Prescription That Will Lead To 30-Year Battle With Painkiller Addiction

    TAMPA, FL—After a brief consultation with new patient Dan Highland, local primary care physician Dr. Harold Schlesinger quickly scribbled down a prescription that will touch off a self-destructive 30-year battle with painkiller addiction, sources confirmed Tuesday. “I gave you a few refills in case the pain lingers,” said Schlesinger, casually handing over a slip of paper that effectively set in motion three decades of compulsive abuse of opioids, a torturous cycle of detox and relapse, and a dark, drawn-out period of pain and anguish that will not only consume Highland, but his family members and friends as well. “Let me know if this dosage isn’t strong enough, and I’ll either bump you up or we’ll get you on something new.” Schlesinger quickly added that while it’s recommended that patients not drink alcohol while on the prescription, in practice Highland should “just use moderation.”
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/doc...will-le,35082/
    If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
    ){ :|:& };:

  • #2
    The Onion?
    It's almost as if all his overconfident, absolutist assertions were spoonfed to him by a trusted website or subreddit. Sheeple
    RIP Tony Bogey & Baron O

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    • #3
      Mmmmmmhmmm.

      I have literally never written an opioid prescription since starting my practice. Not one.
      "My nation is the world, and my religion is to do good." --Thomas Paine
      "The subject of onanism is inexhaustable." --Sigmund Freud

      Comment


      • #4
        before that, OTOH...
        Indifference is Bliss

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Guynemer View Post
          Mmmmmmhmmm.

          I have literally never written an opioid prescription since starting my practice. Not one.
          Because opioids are contraindicated for baby constipation?
          Pool Manager - Lombardi Handicappers League - An NFL Pick 'Em Pool

          https://youtu.be/HLNhPMQnWu4

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          • #6
            HC is the one that brought Guy into it.
            Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
            "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
            He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Guynemer View Post
              Mmmmmmhmmm.

              I have literally never written an opioid prescription since starting my practice. Not one.
              Is there any reason not to just generally go with a high dose of NSAIDs, barring something like "lol my arm fell off"?
              If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
              ){ :|:& };:

              Comment


              • #8
                Nope.
                "My nation is the world, and my religion is to do good." --Thomas Paine
                "The subject of onanism is inexhaustable." --Sigmund Freud

                Comment


                • #9
                  Then why do docs prescribe opioids so much?
                  If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
                  ){ :|:& };:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    A pediatrician is the wrong sort of doctor to ask.
                    "My nation is the world, and my religion is to do good." --Thomas Paine
                    "The subject of onanism is inexhaustable." --Sigmund Freud

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      this dude is blaming the doc?

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                      • #12
                        IT"S THE ONION
                        It's almost as if all his overconfident, absolutist assertions were spoonfed to him by a trusted website or subreddit. Sheeple
                        RIP Tony Bogey & Baron O

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Berzerker View Post
                          this dude is blaming the doc?
                          Doctors bear some culpability for enabling painkiller addictions.

                          But also it's the onion, dude. The guy isn't real.
                          If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
                          ){ :|:& };:

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Is this a continuance of some other Poly thread?
                            No, I did not steal that from somebody on Something Awful.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              No, I was just curious what the local doctors thought of overprescription of painkillers.
                              If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
                              ){ :|:& };:

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