Can't post without thread title.

[Lorizael]

Broke up with girlfriend 2 months ago because I'm a ****ing idiot who doesn't want kids. Living in tiny room in ****ty house in crappy part of town with 3 strangers because rent is cheap. Never lived with strangers before. Feel like I can't make a sound without bothering roommates. They don't care. They don't complain. It's only my ****ed up issues that make it matter. Can't seem to get up on time for work. Tired all the time. Need vacation. Can't have one. Work, school, work, school. Good thing I don't drink. Or maybe drinking would help. Not sure. Also the Redskins suck. Can't I at least have a successful football team? No. Well **** you. Therapist is going to have her work cut out for her this week.

[Sava]

sorry
that sounds rough

[Lorizael]

Haha. Rough my ****ing ass. I have a car, stable income, a place to live, food, internet access and I'm pursuing my dreams. What the **** is my problem? Therapist tells ms life is traumatic, that I don't need some big ****ing thing in order to feel like I have the right to be ****ed up, that I shouldn't be jealous of other people's problems. But seriously. Everyone else has their **** together. Everyone else went through the same crap I did. But they're not ****ing whiny *****es about it. ****.

[Sava]

Okay. I take it back.

[Elok]

Well, first off, don't drink, this is a lousy time to start. Second, I can't recall: are you on meds for the depression? If not, Prozac helped me a lot, and it's generic. Not Wellbutrin, that crap can give you seizures. Third, I know you can't help being depressed, but let me remind you that having a crappy sports team among your top worries means you're pretty OK. Fourth, I should remind you that, as you've apparently noticed, you can't help being depressed. It's not a character flaw, it's just your bastard brain betraying you with its failure to get its neurotransmitters in order.

[Felch]

Try being grateful for the little things in life, like not being black.

[Lorizael]

I'm on sertraline. What's that? /me googles. Zoloft. The little bouncy face. I'm supposed to be on Abilify, too. But I ran out and every time I think about going to the pharmacist to get more I freak out over how I don't have any time and how that doesn't matter because I could make time for something important but I still don't so jesus christ wtf is my problem if I can't even get myself to go the pharmacy to get the drugs I need and there's absolutely no way I'm going to be able to keep my **** together for as long as it's gonna take to get my degree this was a bad idea I'm doomed to failure. Haha.

[Sava]

Go run over pedestrians in GTA4. That always makes me feel better.

[Elok]

If you have time to complain, you have time to go get your meds, man. Also, punch your brain, he's being a dick.

[Sava]

I still don't understand that... a Welsh Bengals fan.

[Lorizael]

Yeah yeah yeah, it's all an illusion. Everyone else is just as ****ed up as I am. Except they're not. Maybe they feel the same way that I do, but at least they're able to get **** done. Get married, have kids, get a degree, have a job that wouldn't demean a monkey. Therapist keeps trying to tell me that I'm not a total failure, that I have gotten things done, that the past couple years are objective evidence that I'm able to accomplish things if I put my mind to them. But then why the **** did it take me so long? Why am I running 10 years behind all my peers? The rapist says it's because I went through what was, for me, traumatic experiences as a child and, for various reasons, lacked the coping mechanisms to deal well with that trauma. You don't start out knowing how to deal with your ****. It's a skill that has to be learned. You get support from friends, family, teachers, etc. But I lacked a lot of those support structures. I didn't have a lot of friends. And I lied to my parents and teachers about what I was going through. So no, I'm not a total ****ing failure. I'm just someone who didn't learn the best ways to deal with stress. I improvised. And kept myself afloat. But that was all I managed to do. I have a ****ton of problems, but my biggest problem is that I let my problems get to me. And that's what I have to work on. Not freaking the **** out. Not letting things build up and build up until they boil over and I lose my ****.

[Sava]

Oh big deal. So you broke up with your girl. Go on OKCupid and find another. Write in your profile you just broke up and are sad. Demonstrate you can write complete sentences. Mention you like sex. You'll find a wonderful horny girl (possibly crazy) by the end of the week.

[N35t0r]

Yeah yeah yeah, it's all an illusion. Everyone else is just as ****ed up as I am. Except they're not. Maybe they feel the same way that I do, but at least they're able to get **** done. Get married, have kids, get a degree, have a job that wouldn't demean a monkey. Therapist keeps trying to tell me that I'm not a total failure, that I have gotten things done, that the past couple years are objective evidence that I'm able to accomplish things if I put my mind to them. But then why the **** did it take me so long? Why am I running 10 years behind all my peers? The rapist says it's because I went through what was, for me, traumatic experiences as a child and, for various reasons, lacked the coping mechanisms to deal well with that trauma. You don't start out knowing how to deal with your ****. It's a skill that has to be learned. You get support from friends, family, teachers, etc. But I lacked a lot of those support structures. I didn't have a lot of friends. And I lied to my parents and teachers about what I was going through. So no, I'm not a total ****ing failure. I'm just someone who didn't learn the best ways to deal with stress. I improvised. And kept myself afloat. But that was all I managed to do. I have a ****ton of problems, but my biggest problem is that I let my problems get to me. And that's what I have to work on. Not freaking the **** out. Not letting things build up and build up until they boil over and I lose my ****.

Talk more to people. To your friends, to whoever. Don't attempt to solve all your problems by yourself.

[Elok]

Here's the thing: I suspect that, no matter what we say, you will use it as an opportunity to segue into beating up on yourself. Because you're depressed, and when you're depressed the only fun you can have is the ****ed-up thrill of kicking yourself when you're down. You don't have to solve all your problems or fix everything now. Solve the immediate problems--get the damn Abilify, see if that stabilizes your mood, for starters--then identify the next tiny little thing you can fix, and fix that. Your life will get better by very small, but still discernible, increments. That's my advice for you.

[Elok]

Oh big deal. So you broke up with your girl. Go on OKCupid and find another. Write in your profile you just broke up and are sad. Demonstrate you can write complete sentences. Mention you like sex. You'll find a wonderful horny girl (possibly crazy) by the end of the week.

And when you're dating a completely broken, crazy woman, all your current problems will seem so quaint that you'll feel downright nostalgic for them. "Ah, I remember when I didn't get sobbing 3AM in-the-bathtub-with-a-plugged-in-appliance phone calls."