The Get Me A Girlfriend in 2012 Thread

[MRT144]

Oerdin>Al B Sure girlfriend count.

[Al B. Sure!]

Exactly what are you hoping to achieve, then?

Well ideally, I'd learn how to communicate to not make women run away.

[Al B. Sure!]

Oerdin>Al B Sure girlfriend count.

Oerdin is not me. Oerdin can and should talk a lot. I shouldn't. Do you think I should just let my mouth run free, MRT? Really?

Oerdin is also a fat hipster. Talking and making jokes can only help him.

[MRT144]

I thought you were just being contrary. Now I know that you suffer from crippling esteem and social interaction issues.

[rah]

Well ideally, I'd learn how to communicate to not make women run away.

THE SURE FIRE WAY. Keep you mouth shut and just listen to them talk about themselves. Nod when appropriate. If conversation falls into a lull, ask them about themselves.
Only talk when asked a specific question and keep the answer short, divert by asking them about themselves, listen attentively.
Repeat as necessary.

[Al B. Sure!]

I thought you were just being contrary. Now I know that you suffer from crippling esteem and social interaction issues.

No. That's the problem. I can chat someone up for hours but that's not what women want, especially when you're me. I could use some social interaction and esteem issues because it'd probably slow me down instead of me consciously having to pause and not let my mouth run free.

[Al B. Sure!]

THE SURE FIRE WAY. Keep you mouth shut and just listen to them talk about themselves. Nod when appropriate. If conversation falls into a lull, ask them about themselves.
Only talk when asked a specific question and keep the answer short, divert by asking them about themselves, listen attentively.
Repeat as necessary.

This is what I mean. It's so contrary to the way I am. Need to work on it.

[Dinner]

Well ideally, I'd learn how to communicate to not make women run away.

People have told you how to do that and all you've done is say they're wrong or ignored them. Try it our way for a change since your way hasn't worked.

I thought you were just being contrary. Now I know that you suffer from crippling esteem and social interaction issues.

Ain't that the truth?

[Dinner]

Oerdin is not me. Oerdin can and should talk a lot. I shouldn't. Do you think I should just let my mouth run free, MRT? Really?

Oerdin is also a fat hipster. Talking and making jokes can only help him.

I'm an neither fat nor a hipster, you smarmy little virgin douche.

[Al B. Sure!]

People have told you how to do that and all you've done is say they're wrong or ignored them. Try it our way for a change since your way hasn't worked.

You talk in platitudes like be yourself and talk and be funny. What can I use?

[Fake Boris]

The fact that you don't understand what "be yourself" means IS PRECISELY YOUR PROBLEM.

You're gay, and denying it.

[Elok]

Being yourself isn't a platitude, it's an absolute necessity--unless you're looking for a string of one-night stands, and I can't see you pulling that off. You can't build a healthy relationship on falsehood or insincerity. If you want to be with a woman for an extended period of time, you have to be comfortable being yourself around her.

Now, you can tweak your behavior a little, by trying to talk less and listen to what they have to say, etc. But it's vital that you remain basically the Al you are.

[Dinner]

1) Don't quote rap lyrics especially ones which mention rape.
2) As Loinburger said stop acting differently just because you're around a woman and instead "act normal", as in, act like you would if you were around your guy friends. Sure, avoid farting loudly and try to remember your manners but be relaxed and normal.
3) Don't let there be long ackward silences which means keep the conversation rolling. Ask her open ended questions about herself, most people love talking about themselves, every once in a while say something ("wow, being the only girl in a family with four sons must have been interesting. I bet you were a tomboy.") so she knows you're listening and that you're interested, the odd joke does cut the tension and it helps when the conversation has stalled.
4) Have a plan but don't be afraid to deviate from it, that way you can suggest something to do but if it turns out she's allergic to ice cream you can skip the whole going for ice cream part of your plan. My standard first date was to go for coffee at an artsy little coffee shop by Balboa Park (my city's central park), that way if things weren't going well we could cut it short there but if things were going well then we could walk around the museums/visit the botanical gardens/watch the street jugglers/what not, if things are still going good we'd hit up one of the dessert places for some fancy cake or Italian ice cream.

My suggestion is to dress nice but casually, remember to hold doors for her, give her a compliment when you see her, go to a sports bar to watch the game (or a friend's house, what ever), then after the game do something you're both interested in. Walk around an art gallery, visit the waterfront, you know your city better than I do so where are there lots of people doing stuff? If all else fails ask if she wants to grab a cup of coffee. It's just the getting to know you phase so do some stuff together, talk to each other so you know a bit more about each other, and don't screw it up by acting like you're 2Pac about to gun someone down or rape a chick. In short, behave normally.

[Al B. Sure!]

I get the whole 'acting like my brother' thing a lot from women so I'm not sure treating her like 'one of the guys' is the best bet. I think I do that already to my detriment.

[Al B. Sure!]

Is this really how people talk?

wow, being the only girl in a family with four sons must have been interesting. I bet you were a tomboy.

I ask because it came up before and I was thrown off by the examples people were giving and I don't think any of you got what I was saying.

'Wow' why this shouldn't be coming out a man's mouth in this situation is obvious, 'must have been interesting' Speak with conviction, *****! Must have been... and 'interesting' is a ****ing ***** word if it's not used sarcastically.

I'd say: "Only girl with four brothers. Sound like a tomboy to me." Then play her reaction. I'd probably say some contrary **** like "So how come you're not a tomboy now?" if she's still aggressive/tomboyish. If she's girly, be like "Yeah I still see it." Psychology ****.

But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the semantics and how you come across. Oerdin's example comes across like a verbose weakling.

Or am I off base?


And I'm not criticizing/ignoring advice. This is how I learn by dissecting it and comparing it to my instincts.