Your diagnosis - have I become utterly insane?

[Pekka]

Dude, you're going to have two kids. Your life is over.

Yeah, but I'm looking forward to another monster

[MikeH]

What do you mean "become"?

[Lorizael]

What do you mean "become"?

Ding.

[-Jrabbit]

The exhaustion is your clue. Rah, PH et al are absolutely correct -- you need some serious decompression time, my friend. No computer, no phone. Preferably no TV or Interwebs. One week minimum, with your lovely bride.

It'll do wonders.

[dannubis]

And sun. You need sun.

[Pekka]

You are all correct. I believe you all to have the best idea about this.

[dannubis]

At least you didn't loose your sense of humour...

[Tupac Shakur]

The exhaustion is your clue. Rah, PH et al are absolutely correct -- you need some serious decompression time, my friend. No computer, no phone. Preferably no TV or Interwebs. One week minimum, with your lovely bride.

It'll do wonders.

This is weak Euro/Baby Boomer talk. Do not listen.

[MikeH]

How could anyone relax cut off from the interwebs?!

[MOBIUS]

Indeed.

One of the reasons for visiting Poly is relaxation and entertainment.

[Pekka]

Indeed.

One of the reasons for visiting Poly is relaxation and entertainment.

I've grown accustomed to Poly so it's relaxing.

I'm going to a job interview in few hours. It's a job I'd be qualified to do, definitely, and it carries a nice salary and great benefits. I hope I can get it. It would solve few problems, and grant me some time off as well.

[Pekka]

I've grown accustomed to Poly so it's relaxing.

I'm going to a job interview in few hours. It's a job I'd be qualified to do, definitely, and it carries a nice salary and great benefits. I hope I can get it. It would solve few problems, and grant me some time off as well.

Well, I guess I'm not totally burned out yet. I felt pretty good in the interview and they said I'm one of their top candidates. They also had a bonus system and my salary request was not that obscene to them. Hopefully going to get it.

[MattBowron]

As of last few months, I've grown increasingly tired of my own thoughts and behavior.

My real problem is that I'm becoming more and more inconsistent with my days. I might be very motivated 9AM and couldn't care less an hour later. This roller coaster of motivation and feeling toward different things can rapidly change. In 5 minutes, I can be indifferent about what I just was passionate about earlier. Granted, my few things that I've always liked and been passionate about, I won't become indifferent for those. But as for other stuff? I ride the wave all day long. I love it, I hate it, love it again, hate it again. When I repeat this cycle for say... 50 to hundred times a day, it's EXHAUSTING!

I keep it to myself though. I have to mask it. It adds to me being tired.

I find myself staying home more than I go to office. I work from home, sure, but I keep pushing certain things forward, which is like poison. I used to do all I can right when I could. Now? I just don't feel like going outside very much. I don't think this is depression though. But the intensity of feeling motivated and not motivated is tiresome and it's getting me. I feel like it blurs my analytical skills and rationality, and in the long run my decision making is hindered by low energy and failed perceptions of the situation (which is normally my strong point and why I get my way).

Ideally, I'd just quit everything I'm doing now and focused on my health and family. I'd want to travel a bit, read a lot (I have a long queue of unread books I've bought), learn to cook better, hit the gym more, see friends more. That's about it. But I can't afford these things right now. I feel like I'm sabotaging myself and half realizing it. I'm worried about that. Half sabotaging as in I know what I should do and yet I don't follow it.

Have you considered the possibility you could be manic-depressive (bipolar)?

[rah]

Well, I guess I'm not totally burned out yet. I felt pretty good in the interview and they said I'm one of their top candidates. They also had a bonus system and my salary request was not that obscene to them. Hopefully going to get it.

I'll hope with you. Good luck

[Pekka]

rah, thanks, I really hope I get the job, too. I actually had one recommendation from that organization just now so that's good. I'll get another 3 soon: one from co-founding partner who has worked with me, one from partner organization who we use on a constant basis and one of our customers will also recommend me. I can't do much better than that. That's 4 recommendations coming from all possible directions you'd want to see. So after that it comes down to if they think I'd be the right person.

I'm a bit worried because the position is demanding and I thought I'd be the sort of junior guy there, learning my way a bit, but it turns out I'd be the senior guy and I'd possibly mentor someone there. I'm not sure if I'm qualified to do that. I'm good for the job, but I think you'd want someone with more years under their belt to be a mentor and the senior guy. But hey, if I get it, even better for me!

I've started this dangerous way of thinking of "I can't wait to get the new job so I can quit working for my company". I've begun to seriously not like it. Today, I was at the airport, ready to board a plane to go to a client meeting and they cancelled on me the last second so naturally my day was pretty much done for and also the travel expenses as well (not a signed customer, we always make customers pay for travel and expenses otherwise). Bad news is that I didn't care. I was even a bit happy about it. Like.. good, now I don't have to go there. Let them do it themselves. This is a bad attitude. We do this to help, to contribute, to hold someones hand and reach a common goal. Not to "good, I didn't want to come anyway". THEN it's just a job and we can't have that.