Now where the lyrics could use a change are not in the rhymes themselves or the punch-lines. It would be in the wording, arrangement, etc. to enhance the delivery. I'm reminded of, for example, Talib Kweli who crams a lot of (not necessarily necessary) words into his bars. He could sound better if he cut out superfluous words and even ignored rules of grammar that would not effect the conveying of his meaning to enhance delivery. It took some time for me to learn that but I don't think I'm quite there yet. In that regard, yes, I could fine-tune lyrics, but for the benefit of delivery, not because the lyrics are lacking themselves.
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Originally posted by gribbler View PostAl, your lyrics make me cringe."Flutie was better than Kelly, Elway, Esiason and Cunningham." - Ben Kenobi
"I have nothing against Wilson, but he's nowhere near the same calibre of QB as Flutie. Flutie threw for 5k+ yards in the CFL." -Ben Kenobi
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By the way, this section of "Who Is That" is truly awful...
"Yo stop, hold up, let me check myself. Blue jeans, Nikes, fitted off the shelf. So damn fresh, feelin' so so def. My words harder than a Harvard test. Something something than Common's something.* Rhymes tighter than a Beyonce dress."
This is a great example of how your poor phrasing choices impede your flow. You didn't write enough syllables to fill the time allotted and it forces you to awkwardly lengthen syllables, ruining any chance you had at creating an interesting flow.
Spoiler:* Can't decipher this for the life of me. Open your ****ing mouth.
In that regard, yes, I could fine-tune lyrics, but for the benefit of delivery, not because the lyrics are lacking themselves.
You need to do both. **** man, I've been in the rap game for decades and I still have plenty of room to improve my lyrics. What the **** makes you think you've got them mastered given your complete lack of experience? Are we supposed to care what some hood rats in Philly are telling you?
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Originally posted by Tupac Shakur View PostLyrics are absolutely not the problem.
Well, I tried. You're free to keep living in denial.
I didn't rhyme anything with swag? I rhymed it with 'that'. You don't have to do exact rhymes; assonance and consonance works.
Dude, it's syncopation. Check it:
They like who is that,
He looking so fresh,
They like who is that,
Raps hot to death,
They like who is that,
He got so much swag (SYNCOPATED HERE; the rhythm changes by the repeat of the rhyme then the carry over into 'and they...')
And they all got to know
Hitting google on their phones
And I didn't rhyme bag with bag. I rhymed gucci bag with goonie bag."Flutie was better than Kelly, Elway, Esiason and Cunningham." - Ben Kenobi
"I have nothing against Wilson, but he's nowhere near the same calibre of QB as Flutie. Flutie threw for 5k+ yards in the CFL." -Ben Kenobi
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Originally posted by Tupac Shakur View PostBy the way, this section of "Who Is That" is truly awful...
"Yo stop, hold up, let me check myself. Blue jeans, Nikes, fitted off the shelf. So damn fresh, feelin' so so def. My words harder than a Harvard test. Something something than Common's something.* Rhymes tighter than a Beyonce dress."
This is a great example of how your poor phrasing choices impede your flow. You didn't write enough syllables to fill the time allotted and it forces you to awkwardly lengthen syllables, ruining any chance you had at creating an interesting flow.
Spoiler:* Can't decipher this for the life of me. Open your ****ing mouth.
In that regard, yes, I could fine-tune lyrics, but for the benefit of delivery, not because the lyrics are lacking themselves.
You need to do both. **** man, I've been in the rap game for decades and I still have plenty of room to improve my lyrics. What the **** makes you think you've got them mastered given your complete lack of experience? Are we supposed to care what some hood rats in Philly are telling you?"Flutie was better than Kelly, Elway, Esiason and Cunningham." - Ben Kenobi
"I have nothing against Wilson, but he's nowhere near the same calibre of QB as Flutie. Flutie threw for 5k+ yards in the CFL." -Ben Kenobi
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Originally posted by Tupac Shakur View PostI didn't rhyme anything with swag? I rhymed it with 'that'. ...
And I didn't rhyme bag with bag. I rhymed gucci bag with goonie bag.
You have got to be ****ing kidding.
I submitted some other songs with more of a 'lyrical' vibe.
Here, read this. This is a random example of where I am lyrically when I want to be lyrical:
"From the start to my lethal finish,
I don't rep the street, I rep the people in it,
won't let the evil win this,
we got to have an equal interest
in reaching the limit
to break it
and seeking an image
that's sacred,
and not seeking this image
that's escapist, contagious,
created by drug dealers, thugs, and rapists
But even proud Muslims who strengthen races,
Still cover their women's faces,
That's why I don't got God and my religion's fading,
In this age when, faith in, the sacred is fading,
Cause when you under this crisis,
You wonder where Christ is,
Cause he sure aint where the blight is
And I doubt he's coming back,
Being righteous aint about entering the house from the back,
That's from the Surah al-Baqara,
But frankly, we need to stop salah,
And come up off our praying knees,
Cause God don't want hordes of straying weak
Slaves and sheep,
Rather, fellow creators the creator seeks"
My rhyme scheme is bananas and my meaning is there. Lyrics are not the problem for me. Never been."Flutie was better than Kelly, Elway, Esiason and Cunningham." - Ben Kenobi
"I have nothing against Wilson, but he's nowhere near the same calibre of QB as Flutie. Flutie threw for 5k+ yards in the CFL." -Ben Kenobi
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Originally posted by Tupac Shakur View PostTry this, Alby; go listen to "Big Poppa". Don't listen to what words Biggie uses; listen to how Biggie uses his words to form interesting rhythms. That's flow, and that's one of the things you need to work on.
That is better. That is something I've been told before but it's tricky for me. I need to sit down and emulate someone on a specific beat but change the words up or something. It's tricky. I think one thing is I emulate who I listen to so I sound more like Nas, CL Smooth, AZ, Elzhi, etc."Flutie was better than Kelly, Elway, Esiason and Cunningham." - Ben Kenobi
"I have nothing against Wilson, but he's nowhere near the same calibre of QB as Flutie. Flutie threw for 5k+ yards in the CFL." -Ben Kenobi
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I would recommend you not do southern trap lyrics at all. Unless you are on an extremely high level as a rapper or have a lot of worldly experience, you are not going to be able to pull off a style that you can't understand. When I say understand, I mean for most people you have to be of that place and generation. It's not meant as an insult. Everything song has a certain rhythm and feel that is born out of the songwriters, musicians and singers/rappers experience and outlook on the world. Rap about what you know and your songs will be infinitely better.What can make a nigga wanna fight a whole night club/Figure that he ought to maybe be a pimp simply 'cause he don't like love/What can make a nigga wanna achy, break all rules/In a book when it took a lot to get you hooked up to this volume/
What can make a nigga wanna loose all faith in/Anything that he can't feel through his chest wit sensation
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When they see me up in traffic they say Jeezy on some other ****
Send them ***** niggas running straight back to the dealership
Me I'm in my spaceship, that's right I work for NASA
The 7H is not a fraud, call that ***** my bodyguard
Call that ***** your bodyguard? Yeah, that's my bodyguard
When we're out of jewelry Young gon' do security
It was whiter than a napkin, harder than a dinner plate
If you want it come and get it
You know I stay super straight
Ran up in my spots and now I'm working at the Super 8
Know you niggas hungry, come and get a super plate
Y'all sing happy birthday, yeah I got that super cake
Hundred karat bracelet, I use it like some super bait
[Chorus:]
I put on for my city, on on for my city
I put on for my city, on on for my city
Put on (east side)
Put on (south side)
Put on (west side)
Put on
[x2]
Hat back, top back, ain't nothing but a young thug
HKs, 8 K's, i need to join a gun club
Big wheels, big straps, you know I like it super sized
Passenger's a redbone, her weave look like some curly fries
Inside fish sticks, outside tartar sauce
Pocket full of celery, imagine what she telling me
Blowing on asparagus, the realest **** I ever smoked
Riding to that Trap or Die, the realest **** I ever wrote
They know I got that broccoli, so I keep that glock on me
Don't get caught without one, coming from where I'm from
Call me Jeezy Hamilton, flying down Campbellton
So fresh, so clean, on my way to Charlene
For those who don't know this is Young Jeezy "Put on"
Al, A lot of the lyrics you may understand but for someone like me this song is more personal and have even more meaning. Two examples, The Super 8 he is probably talking about is located right off I-285 and Glenwood Rd. Also, I've spent a lot of time in and around Campbellton Rd. In a way, most rap songs have uncoded references like that tells people this is real and this is where I'm from. You can't do an authentic southern trap song without a reference to Atlanta.
The other thing about this song is that the lyrics are solid. Just because something has a southern style does not mean that the lyrics don't have to be on point.What can make a nigga wanna fight a whole night club/Figure that he ought to maybe be a pimp simply 'cause he don't like love/What can make a nigga wanna achy, break all rules/In a book when it took a lot to get you hooked up to this volume/
What can make a nigga wanna loose all faith in/Anything that he can't feel through his chest wit sensation
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Cort,
I do like fish sticks. However, in this case it's a reference to the interior and exterior of a car.
Al,
It would be unfair for me to judge your song because the music and lyrics do not feel connected. I would suggest that you find a partner and one of you raps and the other DJ.What can make a nigga wanna fight a whole night club/Figure that he ought to maybe be a pimp simply 'cause he don't like love/What can make a nigga wanna achy, break all rules/In a book when it took a lot to get you hooked up to this volume/
What can make a nigga wanna loose all faith in/Anything that he can't feel through his chest wit sensation
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that is oh so funny.What can make a nigga wanna fight a whole night club/Figure that he ought to maybe be a pimp simply 'cause he don't like love/What can make a nigga wanna achy, break all rules/In a book when it took a lot to get you hooked up to this volume/
What can make a nigga wanna loose all faith in/Anything that he can't feel through his chest wit sensation
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