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Until recently, I was unaware of "Jersey Shore." I mean, sure, I'd heard the name, but I only knew it was a hit TV show on MTV. I don't watch TV. Then I visited The Onion a few days ago, and they had a gag profile of some creature named "Snooki." Imagine my horror to see what looked like the love child of an incubus and a Kardashian, this stunted creature with bulbous cheeks and a Nazca-skull "bump-it" hairdo. I went on Wikipedia to find out just who or what this being was. It seems Jersey Shore is one of those reality shows where young cretins act youthful and cretinous in a shared house, but it's totally different from the last fifty seasons of The Real World because they're all at least a little bit Italian. And I shook it off.
Then I opened up yesterday's WaPo and saw a picture of the full cast in the Weekend section. The same picture seen here. They're ALL Snooki! Not as Snooki as Snooki herself, but all of them, even the guys, partake of the Platonic form of Snookiness to some extent! I mean, the idea of these shows, as far as I know, is to get young, attractive people. They appear young, maybe a bit withered, but young. But the women, at least (can't speak for the guys) are NOT sexy. If anything, they are Taco Bell Sexy.
It's hard to explain Taco Bell Sexy. It's the mysterious appeal exuded by elaborately made-up shots of burritos in Taco Bell commercials. You get the sense that they pulled an all-nighter to make that food look yummy, but it still looks like what it is, a rancid pile of grease and grade-Q ingredients. And, at some level, you know that's what makes it attractive to people. The combined auras of foulness and fakeness pulls at their souls on a primal level.
Now, look at that shot again (if you can bear to; take your time). They're all unattractive, but the ugliness is compounded by a blinding flash of...in-authenticity. They don't look like plastic surgery, they just look like plastic, like everything about them is a lie.
Or am I overreacting? Is my knowledge that the show is about jackasses going out, doing stupid crap while drunk, and then acting offended and entitled when it all goes wrong--is that knowledge coloring my impression of these people? There will be a poll.
EDIT: Dangnabit, I didn't make the poll public!
Then I opened up yesterday's WaPo and saw a picture of the full cast in the Weekend section. The same picture seen here. They're ALL Snooki! Not as Snooki as Snooki herself, but all of them, even the guys, partake of the Platonic form of Snookiness to some extent! I mean, the idea of these shows, as far as I know, is to get young, attractive people. They appear young, maybe a bit withered, but young. But the women, at least (can't speak for the guys) are NOT sexy. If anything, they are Taco Bell Sexy.
It's hard to explain Taco Bell Sexy. It's the mysterious appeal exuded by elaborately made-up shots of burritos in Taco Bell commercials. You get the sense that they pulled an all-nighter to make that food look yummy, but it still looks like what it is, a rancid pile of grease and grade-Q ingredients. And, at some level, you know that's what makes it attractive to people. The combined auras of foulness and fakeness pulls at their souls on a primal level.
Now, look at that shot again (if you can bear to; take your time). They're all unattractive, but the ugliness is compounded by a blinding flash of...in-authenticity. They don't look like plastic surgery, they just look like plastic, like everything about them is a lie.
Or am I overreacting? Is my knowledge that the show is about jackasses going out, doing stupid crap while drunk, and then acting offended and entitled when it all goes wrong--is that knowledge coloring my impression of these people? There will be a poll.
EDIT: Dangnabit, I didn't make the poll public!
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