Cameron FAIL America

[duke o' york]

I hate raw onions but love them fried. Same with mushrooms, although I'd just walk away if offered them on a 'dog'.

The guy in my local "drunken food emporium" always asks whether I want hot chilli sauce or ordinary. Maybe he's supposed to as part of his job, but even so. Perhaps their clientele is so huge that he doesn't remember the guy with the stupid hair from last time and his love of hot sauce, but I somehow doubt it.

[duke o' york]

DP

(Sorry, but 'poly seems to be incredibly slow tonight )

[Hauldren Collider]

And to think I thought Cameron would be an OK PM before

I'm sorry for you, all you british folks

[Cort Haus]

fried onions and ketchup

[Theben]

I like my hot dog with ketchup. Mustard is not an essential condiment for hot dogs.

Either statement on its own would get you stoned to death by an angry mob in Chicago. Taken together it's plain heresy.

[Theben]

Dear Cecil:

I was sitting at the Montreal Pool Room eating my all-dressed hot dog and suddenly the question hit me: why is there no ketchup in an all-dressed? Is ketchup not as respectable a condiment as relish or mustard? Is there a conspiracy? Does Dirty Harry's remark about ketchup in a hot dog have anything to do with it? I would be so thankful if you could shine a light on this obscure bit of knowledge for a passionate and perplexed user of ketchup.

— Paul Macneil, Dorval, Quebec

Cecil replies:

Paul, I know you don't mean to act like an alfalfa-chewing barbarian, but this is like asking why Leonardo didn't paint the Mona Lisa on black velvet. Ketchup is destructive of all that is right and just about a properly assembled hot dog (and we're talking about a pure beef hot dog, not one of those things you could serve with dressing on Thanksgiving).

Ketchup smothers the flavor of the hot dog because ketchup makers add sugar to their products. That takes the edge off the highly acidic tomatoes, but it takes the edge off everything else, too. Which is exactly why a lot of parents like it, according to Mel Plotsky, sales manager for the David Berg hot dog company in Chicago. (Chicago is one of the hot dog's holy cities.) Put ketchup on it and a kid will swallow anything--and from there it's a straight shot to Velveeta cheese, Franco-American spaghetti, and Deborah Norville.

For that matter, you want to watch the mustard, too. Plotsky says your mainstream brands like French's put in too much turmeric and whatnot. What you want is some unpretentious mustard like Plochman's that enhances rather than competes with the flavor of the beef. You should also steam or grill rather than boil your hot dogs--water leaches away the flavor and softens the wiener till it becomes non-tooth-resistant mush.

But--getting back to the original question--you say you like the taste of tomatoes. Fine, then eat tomatoes, as God meant them to be eaten--fresh sliced and piled on top of the hot dog. The recommended ingredients of a hot dog with everything, in order of application, are mustard, relish, chopped onion, sliced tomato, kosher pickle spear, optional peppers, and celery salt. (Many think you have to get kraut in there too, but Cecil wants a hot dog, not Oktoberfest.)

People get pretty emotional over the ketchup question. Mel Plotsky opened our discussion by describing the condiment as a "catchall of garbage." Over at crosstown rival Vienna Sausage, they refer to ketchup as the "K-word." If you go into an authentic hot dog joint and ask for ketchup on your hot dog, the counterman will pause and look you in the eye. He may or may not say, "Ketchup?" with a tone of disbelief. But you may be certain what he's thinking: "Behold this creature that walks like a man. It wants ketchup on its hot dog."

But hey, if you want ketchup, by all means get it.

— Cecil Adams

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/679/why-is-there-no-ketchup-on-a-properly-made-hot-dog

[Al B. Sure!]

Shut up Chicagoan. I saw that too when I was doing my research.

Still, ketchup is the most popular condiment on ballpark hot dogs so the people have spoken

Who cares what Chicagorillas think.

[Asher]

Ballpark people have no taste. They drink **** like Bud and watch games like Baseball, for **** sakes.

[Dinner]

All beef hot dogs kind of suck. I like to go with the half beef half pork dogs in natural hog casing. Wrap it in bacon and now you're talking a epic hotdog.

[Theben]

Shut up Chicagoan. I saw that too when I was doing my research.

Still, ketchup is the most popular condiment on ballpark hot dogs so the people have spoken

Who cares what Chicagorillas think.

You had to research what I knew by instinct. Btw McDonalds is really popular too.

No wonder everyone thinks phildopeans are an uncultured and backwards people. I was going to give it high marks for not looking like an utter ****hole like it did when I visited it in the 90s (based on yer pics), and then you let loose your 'knowledge'. How sad.

[Theben]

All beef hot dogs kind of suck. I like to go with the half beef half pork dogs in natural hog casing. Wrap it in bacon and now you're talking a epic hotdog.

Only b/c you're used to sucking **** and are disappointed when it doesn't taste the same. Vienna beef hot dogs ftw

[Dinner]

A plain hotdog is a fail but I think this is a bigger fail. Nothing like pole dancing at a wedding to kick things off right.

[Asher]

That's fake, from a Heineken campaign.

[Al B. Sure!]

stupid Romanians...

Asher, you should've done something like that at your brother's wedding

[Asher]

I was too busy high-fiving people and hugging people.

I also had all of the (female) optometrists all over me asking me about my blue eyes.

"Windows to the soul," I'd tell them. "I've a very pure soul."

If only they knew.