the onion writes about an apolytoner

[Wiglaf]

The image of you snickering makes me want to puke all over my keyboard, which already has puke on it from your disgusting avatar, what, did you and Guynemer and Asher attend a douchebag avatar convention? It is unsettling

[KrazyHorse]

You're just pissed that I'll make more money than you next year, even with the bribes you take.

[Kuciwalker]

Personally, I found this snippit to be the most humorous, "Dad's great, but listening to all that talk radio has put some weird ideas into his head," said daughter Samantha, a freshman at Reed College in Portland, OR. "He believes the Constitution allows the government to torture people and ban gay marriage, yet he doesn't even know that it guarantees universal health care."

Yeah, I liked that. I was disappointed they didn't go for the kill with "abortion rights".

[Wiglaf]

I sincerely doubt that. My annual TAKE HOME income is over $165,000 not counting trust fund, stocks, attorney fees, office pools, and kickbacks. I do not have to play Subway Scrabble games to eat, unlike you when Goldman Saks falls apart like an Apple II. You are probably making $100,000 after tax, which is worse than an air traffic controller post-Reagan throwdown.

[KrazyHorse]

My driver makes over 165k post-tax. Your petit-bourgeois salary is laughable.

[Wiglaf]

YOU CANT HAVE A DRIVER WHO MAKES THAT MUCH. Every DRIVER i HAVE TALKED TO makes between 75k and 100k BEFORE TAXES. The only way to go higher than that is if you are A) SCREWING THE DRIVER or if B) the driver has videotape evidence of something you did in the back seat and is SCREWING YOU. I am sorry but I know you are misleading me here, I know for a fact I can get Ted Kennedy's driver for less than that (the one who drove the hearse is even less).

[KrazyHorse]

I can pay my driver whatever I want. I like seeing him smile. I'm willing to pay him 90k above market for that pleasure. If you disagree with that then you're a racist.

[Wiglaf]

Anyone who wants to see their black driver smile to the point that he bankrupts himself has a fetish I can never satisfy. Good day.

[Asher]

Why would you hire a black driver? You've seen Driving Ms Daisey too many times.

I had an Asian driver, who constantly crashed my car.
I then had a Latino driver, who insisted on deploying hydraulics with alarming regularity.
I now have a German driver, who is ruthlessly efficient.

[Boris Godunov]

My Canadian driver constantly goes 10 MPH under the speed limit and won't give anyone the finger.

[Wiglaf]

My old Latin housekeeper has a driver right now, courtesy of a little snooping I did and a phone call to immigration control

[KrazyHorse]

Anyone who wants to see their black driver smile to the point that he bankrupts himself has a fetish I can never satisfy. Good day.

Why are you assuming my driver is black?

[Asher]

My Canadian driver constantly goes 10 MPH under the speed limit and won't give anyone the finger.

******-please, we drive above the speed limit.

It's all those immigrants that go slow.

[KrazyHorse]

People in Ontario and Quebec, at least, drive much faster than people from any state I've seen other than Pennsylvania

[Boris Godunov]

Canadians ARE immigrants.