The astoundingly prescient "Asher makes predictions about other posters" thread

[Lorizael]

*shrug* I'm bored.

[Asher]

<-- in

Like many smart and motivated computer geeks, you set up a company out of your parent's garage. However, the company was motivated by your obsession with porn star Dakota Fanning and resulted in a product line consisting of troll dolls based off of her liking. Your parents tried to get you to stop -- please, stop -- but you would have none of that. The dolls became bigger and bigger with each product generation, until they became life-sized. And why stop there? You extended them to a height of three meters tall (you like tall women). Unsatisfied with the stoic look on her face, you began developing software and a mechanical endoskeleton to bring the 3 meter tall Dakota Fanning troll dolls to life. To ensure you would always have control over the doll army, you added a wireless radio to the device. Little did you know that DanS' skynet would exploit a security vulnerbility in your home-based Linux distro that hijacked this army of dolls and turned them into what became a droid army. Before the world was destroyed by your creations, you built a rocket, pointed it aimlessly at the sky, and strapped yourself to it...never to be seen again.

[Asher]

ME me me!

At some point in the future, I will remember where Lithuania is. It's not the same as Latvia, right?

Your country will be invaded in the Warm War, when Putin invades his neighbours and takes them over. The rest of the world, not caring at all about your country (it's just Another Poland, they said), stood by and did nothing. Soon you grew tired of Putin's forced regimen of vodka and ricecakes, so you became the leader of The Lithuanian Resistance Troop (LRT). Unfortunately, by the time you guys got organized Skynet destroyed the world.

[Asher]

*shrug* I'm bored.

And so you shall remain! You will grow tired of wrestling with your sexuality and, being frustrated with the choice between men and woman, decided to keep both. You became the leader of a polygamist mixed-gender society that can only be described as chaos. Now that gay marriage was legal everywhere, and heterosexual marriage was still a few decades away from Wiglaf's ban, you saw an opportunity and used it. The slippery slope nutters were right! Mixed-gender polygamist marriage became possible, and within just a few months, it became the norm. In a way, you are responsible for the downfall of the world. Skynet was created in an outraged response to the lack of perceived morals in the country, a country that you ruined with your indecision.

[rah]

I'm so pleased that I don't have to close this thread this morning, go ahead and peer into my future.

[Lorizael]

And so you shall remain! You will grow tired of wrestling with your sexuality and, being frustrated with the choice between men and woman, decided to keep both. You became the leader of a polygamist mixed-gender society that can only be described as chaos. Now that gay marriage was legal everywhere, and heterosexual marriage was still a few decades away from Wiglaf's ban, you saw an opportunity and used it. The slippery slope nutters were right! Mixed-gender polygamist marriage became possible, and within just a few months, it became the norm. In a way, you are responsible for the downfall of the world. Skynet was created in an outraged response to the lack of perceived morals in the country, a country that you ruined with your indecision.

We prefer the term polyamory, thank you very much.

[KrazyHorse]

Give it a go

[-Jrabbit]

polyamory (noun) - the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with everyone on Apolyton

[Saras]

At some point in the future, I will remember where Lithuania is. It's not the same as Latvia, right?

Your country will be invaded in the Warm War, when Putin invades his neighbours and takes them over. The rest of the world, not caring at all about your country (it's just Another Poland, they said), stood by and did nothing. Soon you grew tired of Putin's forced regimen of vodka and ricecakes, so you became the leader of The Lithuanian Resistance Troop (LRT). Unfortunately, by the time you guys got organized Skynet destroyed the world.

Highly probable!

[Asher]

I'm so pleased that I don't have to close this thread this morning, go ahead and peer into my future.

You will grow tired of Dan's meddling and purchase this site from him. On an april fools day joke, you will rename the site Mingapulco until you realize it's a far better name than Apolyton, and thus it stayed. In your private life, you retired after 65 years of being a manager only to discover it'll never stop. You begin making powerpoint decks for the picnic you've proposed with the wife, you discuss with her the synergy it'd require to pull this off, the paradigm of the retirement age and the importance for prompt, honest reporting. Believe it or not, you are not crazy yet -- you go crazy a few years later, where you start suffering from extreme bouts of paranoia and hallucinations. You see Wiglaf trying to sneak up on you from behind with alarming regularity (it's just the nursing home attendant). You see Agathon trying to hit you over the head with a MacBook. You see Oerdin trying to stab your eye out with a microbrew bottle. You become institutionalized, where you live out the rest of your days wondering if it was Poly that made your crazy, or the 65 years of management experience.

[Tuberski]

Everybody else gets a detailed fortelling, I get "You'll retire in Utah".

ACK!

[Asher]

Give it a go

You will continue your trend of becoming more and more right-wing until you realize you've become Fez. Aghast at the notion, you reverse the trend and work your way left over the years until you realize you've become Che. You then proudly pronounced "**** if, **** politics" and focused your efforts back on where your heart truly lies: children's literature. Having become bored with the simplicity of theoretical physics, you dive into the world of endless possibilities. Do you write a book about a monster under the bed? Or perhaps a magical dragon? Maybe a mystical hobo who can fly by sticking his arms out and spinning sufficiently fast? Your first big fan is Imran -- who loves his children's literature like Harry Potter. Through his connections as a government bureaucrat, he ensures all schools across the United Southern States had copies of your books. You instantly became rich. You retired from children's literature after a scandal involving your books having excessive amounts of cursing and accusations that books such as "Bullying is Cool, *****" and "Lunchmoney, mother****er" were teaching children bad morals. You used the money you gained from these bestsellers to train in mixed-martial arts full-time, and became only the second senior citizen to win a UFC title (after Pekka The Finn). You retired peacefully to your home in Calgary, Alberta where you saw your hometown team become the only NHL team to go undefeated in the regular season, and still lose in the first round of the playoffs.

[KrazyHorse]

"Bullying is Cool, *****" and "Lunchmoney, mother****er"

[Elok]

I can see many of your predictions for Kuci coming true, but I doubt Dakota Fanning will enter porn. As a child actress, she's more likely to go the Lohan crash-and-burn route than true pornography. Except she's a scarily talented child actress, and probably pretty smart, so she might actually have a career.

[Asher]

Everybody else gets a detailed fortelling, I get "You'll retire in Utah".

ACK!

I believe it says it all...

But fine, here's more detail: You will retire in Provo, Utah.



In the future's backlash against religion, Utah becomes a true "battleground state". Even though you are retired, you are drafted into the Mormon Militia Army (MMA). You are trained in five different ways how to kill a man, but you cannot kill a man because you are mormon! It is an ineffectual fighting force. The incoming armies of the People's Gay Army (PGA) and the Lesbian Persons' Ghastly Appearances (LPGA) make short work of the Mormon Army, who cannot even resort to throwing bibles at their invaders due to their beliefs. You devise a plan to pretend like you are not a mormon, in hopes that the PGA and LPGA would let you go instead of capturing you. Unfortunately, the PGA and LPGA caught you changing out of the Holy Underwear and they knew you were mormon! You were imprisoned for Crimes Against Fashion and imprisoned in a retirement home in Provo, Utah. You tried to file a lawsuit indicating this was cruel and unusual punishment, but it was tossed out of court on the grounds of irreconcilable fashion differences.