Condom Breakage Explosion Has Occured

[Wiglaf]

Theres quite a few nasty comments here from the sites homo sexuals, it's not like you people ever use the condom rods

No I was NOT HAVING SEX WITH SNUGGLES OR THE JEWISH POSTER please stop fantasying that I was. Do they really use DNA testing? How can they ever be so invasive, aren't fingerprints just as useful? I am in their crime database I'm sure, many times the Secret service has attempted to remove me from events, they must know it every time I slash an ambassador's tires. Yes, they will use the finger print I think, but if they do swab me, 2 more questions:

(1) IF they swab my saliva, is there a way to induce unprecedented dry mouth? Maybe taking 25 claritin or something?

(2) IF they swab my semen -- I CANNOT BELEIVE I SAY IT -- will the bath in scalding water also kill the DNA in my testicles? This is a discrete question, that my friends would laugh at me for asking, so I turn to the internet, please stop with the 'HE ****ED A RACCOON' jokes.

[lightblue]

Your fingerprints will have no real relation to your potential child's. The only way to tell is through a DNA sample. Your mouth being dry might even be better as they scrape cells off the inside of your cheek, not just your saliva.

[Wiglaf]

Then there is no getting around it, I need to either thwart the test or scramble my genetic code. Does anyone smart post here, like the phyiscs people, know how to do this? Picture the body as 1's and 0's and you might find something.

[Lorizael]

Starchild is a bio major, but he's one of the homos, so I don't know if you want to deal with him.

[Proteus_MST]

If she is an FBI agent then it is easy.
Pull strings so that she gets a mission which forces her to change her name, sever all her ties with the past (including old friends, which means you) and go into hiding.

[SlowwHand]

So, you are referring to knocking her up?
Enjoy the next 18 years of child support payments.

[Space05us]

Marry her!

[SlowwHand]

Yeah, that's better.

[Wiglaf]

No this is not a pregnancy, I think ahead ever since I left the boy scouts (because of the gay sex going on there).

[Krill]

You gave her HIV?

[Wiglaf]

HOTNESS IN THE VAGINA MAYBE!

I need to be more serious about this, we all do. I am planning ahead in the event of a pregnancy you retards.

[rah]

Yes, then kill her now, so knowing she was pregnant can't be used as motive.

[Kidlicious]

This thread could have been so much better.

[Asher]

Let's be real here, it didn't break...it slipped off.

[Proteus_MST]

Originally posted by Mr Snuggles
Let's be real here, it didn't break...it slipped off.

This can be prevented, use a Tacker to staple the condom to your "member" so that it doesn´t slip off