Condom Breakage Explosion Has Occured

[Wiglaf]

What do I do? Killing her or keying her car is not an option, let's be real people, she's an FBI agent. I am limited in the degree to which I can react here.

(A) I can get my finger prints blurred, as seen in one of the Men In Black movies. Actually the technology is not really advanced, it just burns you I think, but it masks your identity if a paternity judge wants to use your own finger against you.

(B) I can argue at any paternity hearing that I am shooting blanks, and can even, to be DISCRETE, demonstrate this plainly for the court. Of course I would need to bathe in scalding water for about an hour so that my nuts cannot keep the sperm alive, but I read that it works in the Hindu cultures and lasts 1-2 months so it'd be perfect.

(C) This is where you people come in?

[DRoseDARs]

It's called "the Pill" and it comes in several varieties, from "the morning after" to "cyanide."

[DRoseDARs]

Or, you could just man up.

[dannubis]

Or give her your credit card

[Harovan]

Re: Condom Breakage Explosion Has Occured

Originally posted by Wiglaf
What do I do? Killing her or keying her car is not an option, let's be real people, she's an FBI agent.

Uh oh. And she's still underage, I believe. Your credit card ain't going to fix it this time.

[Tattila the Hun]

You sure it's yours?

[Lorizael]

Wiggy, aren't you an elected official? Sex scandals are practically a rite of passage for your kind. Rejoice!

[Asher]

(B) I can argue at any paternity hearing that I am shooting blanks, and can even, to be DISCRETE, demonstrate this plainly for the court. Of course I would need to bathe in scalding water for about an hour so that my nuts cannot keep the sperm alive, but I read that it works in the Hindu cultures and lasts 1-2 months so it'd be perfect.

That's what Steve Jobs did. Worked for him.

[SlowwHand]

He's just talking about breaking. Were they made in China?

[DRoseDARs]

If they were made in China, his wii-wii would have rotted off from all the lead.

[rah]

Aren't DNA tests used these days for determining paternity at hearings?

[Spec]

How about you pull out when the time comes?

Find a girl that likes facials.

Spec.

[Lorizael]

Actually, with all this talk of fingerprints, it's quite possible that old Wiglaf doesn't know how it is done, and through his own ignorance he's in the clear.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Well since he was talking about condom breakage, I was assuming he was referring to his own birth .

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Don't panic, Wiggy. Humans can only reproduce with members of the same species.