Women never cease to confuse me

[Timexwatch]

Originally posted by Lorizael


I'm a ridiculously paranoid person and more or less suspect everyone of using me or having ulterior motives. I'm even paranoid of people I've known my entire life. The best I can do is temporarily quell the paranoia with regards to certain people: family members, close friends, etc.

While Jane is neither of those to me, I've known her for a long time now and respect who she is. I'm generally very cautious about who I allow myself to trust and this trust has, with a few exceptions, been very well placed.

Because I am so aware of the rampant paranoia that infects my thoughts, it's actually somewhat difficult to get me to reverse my opinion of a person - I always just assume I'm being crazy again.

That's the hesitation here. I want to believe that I'm right about who Jane is. I don't want my fears to be justified.

From the previous thread:

I don't like this situation. I feel that Jane and I really connect to each other and, if given the chance, we could develop a really great friendship. I think this friends only once in awhile thing is kind of frustrating.

I decided to have a conversation with Jane, in which I told her all of that.

I did this. She responded probably as well as I could have expected. She laughed through part of it, and then explained that she had just tried to do something similar while up at college, but the person she tried to do this with had completely rejected her and she hadn't gotten a new friend out of it. Hooray for empathy. We talked about random philosophical stuff (which is what we often talk about) for half an hour. Then she went to leave. Before she did, though, she told me that we would, indeed, talk more. And she said she meant. She said that sounds like the sort of thing you're supposed to say in this kind of situation, but she actually means it.

1) Evaluate what you want from this relationship. You still want to try to get in her pants. If you weren't, you wouldn't even bother thinking about this.

2) You're an emotional tampon; just accept it. Women love attention and you're the sucker she's coming to because you're like a eunuch to her. If you tell me she tells you about her guy troubles, I'm going to vomit.

3) STOP.CALLING.HER. If she really wanted to hang out with you, she would make it happen. This 'relationship' is a one way affair.

4) The best thing to do is ignore her. If she texts, respond in a day or two or not at all. If she calls, call her the next day. If she e-mails, let it sit for a week. I'd diverge from rah and say that you should be a black hole. If she asks what you've been up to, be very vague. Feel free to lie about how wonderful things have been. Generally being unreliable and slightly dick-y works.

[Theben]

Sometimes there is no good answer. I had spent 3 wonderful days with some girl whose name I don't even remember now (it was about 2 decades ago). Day 4 I get the ice-cold shoulder treatment and "don't call me anymore". To say this came out of the blue would be an understatement as nothing had happened that should have been an underway relationship killer. At first I was completely confused and pissed and kept asking her why- to which she responded with rolled eyes- and then I just wondered about it for several months. Finally I said oh well, I'm never gonna know. And that was fine.

[Garth Vader]

Don't try to understand. No answer to all that weird behaviour is even going to make you feel better. Accept that you will never get into her pants, you will never understand her behaviour. If you still want to have anything to do with her under those conditions it's up to you, but I wouldn't recommend it.

[Traianvs]

Originally posted by Riesstiu IV
Punch her in the ovaries. I'm serious. I can't stand people like that.

I run into an old high school acquaintance at my gym quite often and he always makes these empty promises and requests about hanging out (while interrupting my workout routine), yet he never e-mails me or calls despite giving my phone number and e-mail multiple times. The most annoying part is, he makes these initiations but never follows up. Why the hell would you even do that? Last time I was there, I told him outright: "If your not actually going to follow through on what you've promised then please shut the hell up and stop wasting my time. It makes you look like a flake."

Hell yeah!! I have the same thing going with a guy I went to uni with. In contrast to your boldness, I could never be that cold in his face because he was actually a friend a few years back. But.. he's known for making those fake promises about meeting up etc. It's strange really, because I know we'd have a lot of fun if we did go out for a night or so!

[DirtyMartini]

Originally posted by Theben
Sometimes there is no good answer. I had spent 3 wonderful days with some girl whose name I don't even remember now (it was about 2 decades ago). Day 4 I get the ice-cold shoulder treatment and "don't call me anymore". To say this came out of the blue would be an understatement as nothing had happened that should have been an underway relationship killer. At first I was completely confused and pissed and kept asking her why- to which she responded with rolled eyes- and then I just wondered about it for several months. Finally I said oh well, I'm never gonna know. And that was fine.

Her friend's cousin's sylist told her that she, like, heard that one time, you, like, totally had a three-way with the lunch lady and the vice principle in the girl's locker room. Afterwards you all smoked a kitten.

In other words, it had nothing to do with you, in all likelihood.

[Lorizael]

I don't want advice, Poly. I have no plans to contact her or schedule any activities with her. I mean, I said that in the OP.

I really just want to know why someone would act this way. It confounds me.

[Lancer]

*cough*filipina*cough*

Alergies

[Riesstiu IV]

Originally posted by Traianvs


Hell yeah!! I have the same thing going with a guy I went to uni with. In contrast to your boldness, I could never be that cold in his face because he was actually a friend a few years back. But.. he's known for making those fake promises about meeting up etc. It's strange really, because I know we'd have a lot of fun if we did go out for a night or so!

Usually I'm not that bold but it was just pissing me off because he would make these promises in every conversation. He is one of these optimistic marketing/salesmen types who always has to put a positive spin on everything and he carries around this stupid grin all the time. There is something unsettling about someone who will never say anything negative and is always happy. No big loss to me.

[Ninot]

Originally posted by Lancer
*cough*filipina*cough*

Alergies

Just curious, are many filipina's very religious?

[Wiglaf]

OH SOCAL DRAMA COMING FROM THE BIG 'I'M TOO GOOD FOR SOCIETY' MISANTHORP SOCIO PATH!

Let's get rid of the basics first. Whacking her is not an option because she will probably put off croaking just like she puts off talking to you long enough to get to a phone. Setting her house on fire is a no go because of the distance. You are in between a real rock and a hard place, and my suggestion is to HIT IT AND QUIT IT :MAD:

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE do you let this woman get away without, TO BE DISCRETE, PHALLICALLY INVADING HER. This is the kind of way man has marked his territory for the past 10,000 years, why stop now? Dogs urinate and we **** and chuck, it is in any Atlas you can find. Facts are facts and even Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson would do this to black girls.

[CrONoS]

Originally posted by Wiglaf
OH SOCAL DRAMA COMING FROM THE BIG 'I'M TOO GOOD FOR SOCIETY' MISANTHORP SOCIO PATH!

Let's get rid of the basics first. Whacking her is not an option because she will probably put off croaking just like she puts off talking to you long enough to get to a phone. Setting her house on fire is a no go because of the distance. You are in between a real rock and a hard place, and my suggestion is to HIT IT AND QUIT IT :MAD:

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE do you let this woman get away without, TO BE DISCRETE, PHALLICALLY INVADING HER. This is the kind of way man has marked his territory for the past 10,000 years, why stop now? Dogs urinate and we **** and chuck, it is in any Atlas you can find. Facts are facts and even Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson would do this to black girls.

[Lorizael]

Originally posted by Wiglaf
OH SOCAL DRAMA COMING FROM THE BIG 'I'M TOO GOOD FOR SOCIETY' MISANTHORP SOCIO PATH!

Let's get rid of the basics first. Whacking her is not an option because she will probably put off croaking just like she puts off talking to you long enough to get to a phone. Setting her house on fire is a no go because of the distance. You are in between a real rock and a hard place, and my suggestion is to HIT IT AND QUIT IT :MAD:

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE do you let this woman get away without, TO BE DISCRETE, PHALLICALLY INVADING HER. This is the kind of way man has marked his territory for the past 10,000 years, why stop now? Dogs urinate and we **** and chuck, it is in any Atlas you can find. Facts are facts and even Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson would do this to black girls.

This may be the best advice I have received so far.

[McCrea]

You're on the back burner, in case she ever wants you.

She's keeping her options open. Makes sense, if she gets married, has 2 kids, and gets divorced, she'll just text you up and you can finally get together with her.

[Arrian]

Originally posted by Lorizael
I don't want advice, Poly. I have no plans to contact her or schedule any activities with her. I mean, I said that in the OP.

I really just want to know why someone would act this way. It confounds me.

You've been told, repeatedly. You're "option B" (or C, or D)... it's nice for her to know that you're out there somewhere, interested in her. She doesn't really plan to *do* anything about it, but it's comforting to her to know that you will ask "how high" if she asks you to jump.

Harsh? Yeah. Have I been that guy? You betcha. This is how I know.

-Arrian

[Lorizael]

I'd like some way to know that for sure. You guys can provide all the insight in the world through your own anecdotes, but I can't really know except through her. Of course, I don't rate the chances of her telling me this straight out as being very high.

Which brings me to a simple decision. As I've said on more than one occasion in the past, I'm a pretty ****ed up guy. Part of me being ****ed up expresses itself through very strict rules on how I interact with humans.

For example, I cannot ignore other humans that I believe are actually trying to communicate* with me. This would be the main reason I keep hovering around Jane; every once in awhile she does.

Another rule is that I completely ignore and avoid anyone who refuses to communicate with me.

So, by following my own principles, I can bring things to a head. I can confront her with all of this **** and demand she explain her actions to me. If she honestly and meaningfully tells me what's been going on, then I'll go from there. If she still makes excuses and doesn't really say anything one way or the other, then I will follow Poly's advice and stop talking to her completely.

* By communicate I don't mean exchanging greetings and asking about the other's day. Communication, to me, is about transmitting information about yourself to another person in a way that makes sure the other person understands things from your point of view. I view communication to be an immensely difficult feat to pull off, and I accomplish it on regular basis with only four people.