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Women never cease to confuse me

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  • Women never cease to confuse me

    Warning: Semi-serious me thread.

    So around this time last year I had a thread in which I discussed issues I was having with a particular female I named Jane.

    The short of it was that she kept telling me she wanted to spend time with me but always happened to be busy whenever I actually asked her to do something with me. The collected wisdom of Apolyton was to forget her and find other fish. Now, after some time, I took this advice - in part because she retreated several states to her college once summer ended.

    Funny story: About a week after she moved back to college she randomly called just to see how I was doing. She'd never randomly called me before. She apologized about us not getting any time to hang out, again citing her apparently hectic life. I played along but found it very amusing that she waited until she was several states away from me before calling.

    In January I quit my job and, lacking other things to do, traveled to Boston to visit a good friend of mine for a week or so. Near the end of the trip I, at the urging of the friend I was visiting, contacted Jane to see if it would be cool for me to visit for maybe a day (Boston being much closer to Rhode Island than Gaithersburg is). Jane responded almost immediately via text message saying that would be great. I sent another text back trying to figure out details, but she didn't respond. I called her in the evening to work out plans before coming down the next day, but she didn't respond.

    I woke up the next morning assuming plans had once again fallen through and went on with my day. But then she called me back. Apologetic as always. Talking about how she was in the studio working on one project or another and lost track of the time and bla bla bla. She asked if I could still come down, but it was too late.

    After that, I didn't communicate with her again until this week. Her birthday was this Monday and, just for the heck of it, I decided to send her a text wishing her a happy one.

    She responded with, "Thanks! I'm here until Monday.” (I assume she meant next Monday.) Now, I wasn't really expecting a response from her at all. But I interpret this as, I don't know, an invitation of sorts. Why would she bother telling me she was in town unless she wanted to, say, hang out with me? So I fired back another text saying, "Exciting. Perhaps we can arrange a midnight run (the activity her and I and another friend almost always engage in together) before then. Where are you heading off to?"

    Then, nothing. She hasn't responded in any way, as usual.

    Now, I'm not expecting anything from Jane anymore. I'm not trying to get in her pants or date her or even have a good friendship with her at this point. I just really, really don't understand women. I simply do not comprehend the motives behind her actions in these situations. What is she getting out of almost making plans with me and then not following through on multiple occasions?

    Women never cease to confuse me.
    Click here if you're having trouble sleeping.
    "We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones." - François de La Rochefoucauld

  • #2
    You're an after thought to her, and that's exagerating. She's not worth the time.
    Resident Filipina Lady Boy Expert.

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    • #3
      I know that, but why does she bother communicating with me at all? Why not just ignore me or, I don't know, tell me straight out?
      Click here if you're having trouble sleeping.
      "We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones." - François de La Rochefoucauld

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      • #4
        Because she hasn't put enough thought into it to decide that she shouldn't associate with you for your sake. Either that or she's too chicken**** to say anything that might hurt your "friendship"

        Other than the random call (which was out of character of her, maybe she was drunk?) it was always you who initiated contact. When provoked, she'll feign some kind of interest in hanging out with you, but won't put her money where her mouth is. I wouldn't even term her as a friend.
        Resident Filipina Lady Boy Expert.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Ninot
          Other than the random call (which was out of character of her, maybe she was drunk?) it was always you who initiated contact.
          Pertinent factoid: This isn't quite true; I've only presented the situations in which it is. Although not recently, there have been multiple times in the past when she's initiated contact with me. She's invited me to parties, dragged me out of the house in the middle of the night because she was bored, and come to me with various emotional issues. No event like this has happened in the past year, though, because she spends most of her time 400 miles away from me.
          Click here if you're having trouble sleeping.
          "We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones." - François de La Rochefoucauld

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          • #6
            She keeps in contact with youas a boost to her self esteem. she's not interested, but she gets a boost out of periodically checking in to make sure that you still are. Next time she texts/calls out of the blue don't respond. She'll call back in a week, if you ignore that, she'll call back in two days, etc. As soon as you do reply she'll have gotten her cookie and she'll be off again.

            It's pretty typical really. I've had it done to me. I've done it to others. My advice would be -- delete her number. Not that I'd expect you to take that advice -- I never could.
            The undeserving maintain power by promoting hysteria.

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            • #7
              Punch her in the ovaries. I'm serious. I can't stand people like that.

              I run into an old high school acquaintance at my gym quite often and he always makes these empty promises and requests about hanging out (while interrupting my workout routine), yet he never e-mails me or calls despite giving my phone number and e-mail multiple times. The most annoying part is, he makes these initiations but never follows up. Why the hell would you even do that? Last time I was there, I told him outright: "If your not actually going to follow through on what you've promised then please shut the hell up and stop wasting my time. It makes you look like a flake."

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Lorizael


                Pertinent factoid: This isn't quite true; I've only presented the situations in which it is. Although not recently, there have been multiple times in the past when she's initiated contact with me. She's invited me to parties, dragged me out of the house in the middle of the night because she was bored, and come to me with various emotional issues. No event like this has happened in the past year, though, because she spends most of her time 400 miles away from me.
                In the case of the parties, I'd have to know more, but as for the other two parts, dragging you out because SHE's bored and coming to you with HER problems.... how long does it take you to catch on that someone is using you?
                Resident Filipina Lady Boy Expert.

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                • #9
                  Next time she texts/calls out of the blue don't respond
                  Bingo, and then repeat.

                  -Arrian
                  grog want tank...Grog Want Tank... GROG WANT TANK!

                  The trick isn't to break some eggs to make an omelette, it's convincing the eggs to break themselves in order to aspire to omelettehood.

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                  • #10
                    Sounds like you have allowed the situation to persist for way too long. You should always delete a phone number after three failed cases.

                    And yes, ignoring a woman works like magic.
                    In Soviet Russia, Fake borises YOU.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ninot
                      In the case of the parties, I'd have to know more, but as for the other two parts, dragging you out because SHE's bored and coming to you with HER problems.... how long does it take you to catch on that someone is using you?
                      I'm a ridiculously paranoid person and more or less suspect everyone of using me or having ulterior motives. I'm even paranoid of people I've known my entire life. The best I can do is temporarily quell the paranoia with regards to certain people: family members, close friends, etc.

                      While Jane is neither of those to me, I've known her for a long time now and respect who she is. I'm generally very cautious about who I allow myself to trust and this trust has, with a few exceptions, been very well placed.

                      Because I am so aware of the rampant paranoia that infects my thoughts, it's actually somewhat difficult to get me to reverse my opinion of a person - I always just assume I'm being crazy again.

                      That's the hesitation here. I want to believe that I'm right about who Jane is. I don't want my fears to be justified.
                      Click here if you're having trouble sleeping.
                      "We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones." - François de La Rochefoucauld

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                      • #12
                        Well, if you want to be the optimist, and that's perfectly fine, then leave it to her to contact you for a while. If she contacts you and makes the plans, then fine.
                        Resident Filipina Lady Boy Expert.

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                        • #13
                          I'm not sure I've ever been called an optimist before.
                          Click here if you're having trouble sleeping.
                          "We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones." - François de La Rochefoucauld

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by DirtyMartini
                            She keeps in contact with youas a boost to her self esteem. she's not interested, but she gets a boost out of periodically checking in to make sure that you still are.
                            Yep. Happened to me too. It took me quite awhile to figured out that she only wanted to be chased but never caught. "Ohh, look at me! He's after me again. I must be pretty."

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                            • #15
                              I'd yank her chain. Whenever she called and asked if you were available for something, I'd say no and explain in detail the wonderful plans you had that prevents you from seeing her. (you can go either way on the excuses but be consistent) All of them either going out with someone else who you can't stop bragging about, or the opposite. You're always busy due to "I have to wash my hair" class type answers.

                              She has been toying with you for a long time, so a little harmless payback is required.

                              If she questions any of your excuses, you can always lob the bomb out there. "I'm just protecting myself from all the hurt and dissapointments that I have had when you blew me off in the past, because I still want to keep you as a friend"
                              It's almost as if all his overconfident, absolutist assertions were spoonfed to him by a trusted website or subreddit. Sheeple
                              RIP Tony Bogey & Baron O

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