Dangerous birds

[Pekka]

Are they? I don't know! I guess not...

But I had this bird trapped inside the house, I had the window open so it flew in and like a total ****** it was, it didn't know how to get out. It made plenty of attempts to break my window though. What an idiot piece of an animal.

But it was kind of beautiful as well. Not one of those ugly animals or really small ones like insects that you can just kill because you have no feelings for them, because they're ugly and nasty.

So it was a beautiful and colorful bird. I wanted to let it out, plus what was I going to do with it inside? It was going to poop in there anyway and interrupt my day with its presence. But then I started thinking, I need to capture this one with hands. Not likely, so I need something, a device, like a piece of cloth or anything to capture it. But I got thinking, this thing isn't very strong, I need to be careful. WHat? Careful... how? I might smash it. It had small wings that looked fragile.

So I contemplated just capturing the thing with my hands. OH WELL, not going to happen! So... I got to thinking. If I try this thing enough times, it'll get angry or scared or pissed off and it will attack me! No worries, I will win that fight. It was about the size of my fist, I can take the bugger out in a fight for sures.... but it's fast, it might like poke my eye out first. That would definitely call for a day that sucked. So as I was figuring this out, I got angry. Die you bird bastard! You think you can take me out? Listen birdie, you got in here, I already showed you with all international human signs and body language where you can just go and leave this place since you don't like it and keep crashing on my window. You know a) Show some appreciation, you are a guest in here, uninvited. I took you in regardless. b) Stop threatning me with the poking the eyes out thing. That's not cool. c) What are you doing? You're just a stupid little bird. We humans have a saying of bird brains, that means you're stupid!

So I took a blanket, approached the devil. But just as I got close, I thought this blanket is heavy. Could this hurt the bird? I knew it would start wiggling and doing all kinds of fighter pilot maneuvers so I backed down to get something lighter so the thing wouldn't hurt itself. I mean likely it wouldn't hurt itself but hey, I don't know that, I should be sure, I'm not a nazi going back and saying "uuh I didn't know that **** went down!". If you thought about it at least once, you already have the responsibility for yourself.

So as I went to get something lighter, I kind of stumbled so the bird started flying again. Little bastard! You know it wasn't that far away from my back, it just flew right next to me. These things have knives attached to their heads, what if it plungeoned into my back? Now that thing is pissing me off.

So I thought I'd catch it with the heavy blanket. I don't care. It deserves all the pain. I'd let it settle down first though. It settled down next to the window once again, looking to the freedom it doesn't have. Ha-ha! Plus, that thing gets to fly. We don't get to fly, that's wrong. So it can suffer some more for all I care.

I was afraid that if it attacks me, that I'd punch it into death. That would be weird. So I didn't want it to make any defensive moves so I wouldn't have to defend myself and in the process of that, take that sucker out. I might feel bad afterwards. Oh no birdie, I'm not going to kill you even if you want me to! Maybe it was a suicide bird, who knows.

So I approached the window again, but then my heart broke. I saw little... how do say this, the bird was breathing on the window so it got that breathing stuff in it. Humanity awakened me. I can't smash the bird. It breathes and leaves... breathing tales on my window. Then again, bird flu, what the hell, this guy is just like a walking AIDS stick! KILL THE BASTARD NOW!!! SUICIDE PLAGUE SPREADING BIRD! This is like a terrorist!

But then it got into it senses and flew out of the window that was OPEN.

Oh well. But I'm telling you guys, these birds aren't a joke.

[snoopy369]

Birds instantly stop moving when they cannot see (are covered with a towel or blanket), so as long as you didn't kill it with the blanket itself (or the fall) it would be fine, and docile.

I had a small bird in the apartment a few months ago (maybe a year?), actually in the apartment stairwell. Took me about 20 minutes to tire it out (making it fly back and forth) until I was able to 'hood' it with a towel and take it outside where it was safe

[SlowwHand]

A bird freaks out because it's trapped in your place and you find that odd?

[Pekka]

SLoww, nah it wasn't odd at all. But I tried to be friendly. And I was, I didn't do anything to it. On the contrary, I was taking measures so I'll be gentle.

snoopy, yeah, but when I turned my back on it and stumbled, the freak started flying and doing all kinds of stupid things. That got me thinking if it will be still or not. I mean it got very still when I first approached it. It was like playing dead or something, I don't know. If the bird had a death wish, it flew into the right place though, I can't be bothered with it! But I like animals so I can't hurt them at all. Except insects and bugs. Birds are already pretty cool though.

I thought about all these movies, if I put my finger out like that, maybe it'll fly into that and be my friend. Or not. Maybe it'll fly into my eye, and I'd be standing there with my eyes out and my finger out like a surrender move "go on birdie, you can sit on that". I'd look like an idiot. No. Better punch the bird.... that way the bird looks stupid as well!

[Aeson]

RIP Pekka.

Bird flue

[SlowwHand]

I wish my life was just half as exciting as yours.

[Pekka]

I wish I was more intuitive with all animals. I'm intuitive with all these domesticated ones but that doesn't count really, because we made them our pets, which is my favourite domination tactic ever.

So anyway, all logic tells me it won't do anything. I need to be more like that Australian guy who died, but of course not that crazy. Less defensive, more trusting. I can always punch them if they break my trust, I don't need to punch them just to be sure. Besides, I like animals more than humans usually anyway. SO no, I couldn't hurt them. Except bugs. I hate them. I have a war against the little things.

[Pekka]

SLoww, it wasn't very exciting though. It was a bit interesting to me anyway. I thought about going crazy man, take my clothes off and be like a cave man. Shout "HU HU HU!" and chase it. I didn't do that, but that was one option as well. That would have been exciting.

[SlowwHand]

Yes, that would certainly have been blog worthy.

[Dis]

reminds me of the bird that got trapped in our hanger bay as we went out to sea on my carrier. That thing was flying around for hours. And we had big ass doors it could fly out (sometimes they are shut during bad weather). It eventually found it's way out the hanger bay doors. I have no idea if it was a land bird or sea bird. But unlikely it could have survived 20 or so miles out to sea. May have been further out than that, can't remember how long it was in there. Maybe days.

[Winston]

Highly interesting story. I have occasionally suspected that Pekka might have some trouble with the birds.

[ColdPhoenix]

I thought this thread was going to be about Catwoman or that Bobbitt woman.

The thought of Pekka trying to fight a little bird made me laugh anyway!

[Thue]

I have some bird food balls at my windows, so it has happened that a few birds have flown in by mistake.

I have found that Great Tits (love that name) are vastly more intelligent than House Sparrows. House Sparrows will do a fly imitation and keep flying into a closed window pane, which Great Tits will fly into it once, take a short thought break, and then find the open window.

Also, both types of birds seem extremely conscious about the difference between inside and out. Even though the bird food is in an open window, they will never venture more than 10cm inside of the window. The few times one has gone in it has been by mistake, for example if a pigeon flies by outside and frightens it.

The way to get a bird out is to
1) Wait until it has calmed down.
2) Open the window wide.
3) If it doesn't find the window by itself, then move such that the bird is between the window and you.

[LordShiva]

Birds

[Proteus_MST]

Originally posted by Pekka
SLoww, it wasn't very exciting though. It was a bit interesting to me anyway. I thought about going crazy man, take my clothes off and be like a cave man. Shout "HU HU HU!" and chase it. I didn't do that, but that was one option as well. That would have been exciting.

Would have been dangerous,
too much sensible stuff hanging around that can be attacked or mistaken for bird food balls