Dying parents

[Pekka]

Seeker, sorry to hear this too . My uncle died the same way, he fell on his bike while drunk (he was an alcoholic) and crashed into the ditch. He was there for a good while and no one found him soon enough. My other grandpa who I never knew (father's side) also died in a similar fashion, he fell from a tractor (I know, it's weird) he was driving and he kidn of accidentally drove over himself and died in the fields because there was no one around. I know it's like Darwin awards but you know, it's not funny unless you have no connection to the victim .

So anyway, sorry to hear that as well. But we know something about WWII, so I think most who got away from that alive, you know, got a lot more out of life at the end, even if their end was weird or sudden.

[Pekka]

BC, what did your father do, what was his profession?

[BlackCat]

Originally posted by Pekka
BC, what did your father do, what was his profession?

Exterminator. Chasing rats and bugs. That is probably one of the reasons he died so young (74) - back in the 60-70'ies there was a lack of knowledge of the long term dangers of handling poison.

His catching of resistent staphylococs when he had a heart surgery 12 years ago probably shortened his life too.

[Mrs. Tuberski]

My father died soem years ago of pancreatic cancer it was a short illness that took him quite rapidly since the docs couldnt find out what was wrong. by the time they did it was to late. They gave him 6 months he died in 2. It was hard to watch and nothing u can do but after the first month and a half he was so drugged up he didnt know we were there. The loss of a parent is so hard to deal with, i reccomend that u reach out to other family members so as that ur not alone when the time comes. All of you will be experiencing the same pain, so it will be easier to ban together and have someone else to talk to, about how this affects you and how each of you are feeling. Most important is to realize that death is indeed a part of the living process and most be accepeted. For the survivors it remains hard to get over ,but for the dead it means an end to suffering and a wonderful life they shared with others.

[BlackCat]

Seeker - if I understand it right, it at least was fast.

I fully understand what you say about his mind - my father did too - he was probably more scared of loosing his mind than he was of dying, but it was obvious that there was periods where he wasn't himself - that actually hurt more than the fact he was going to die.

[SlowwHand]

Since I believe, I'll pray for you and yours.
Sorry, BlackCat.

[BlackCat]

Hello Mrs T

I revived an old thread which I maybe shouldn't have done, but it has been done and so it is.

Well, some time in the spring/early summer my father got the message that he could die in a moment and there was no way to prevent it. Stubborn as the bastard was, he wanted to experience both the summer, his granddaughters birthday and as much as he could otherwise, so despite what the docs said kept on until this week despite he wasn't expected to do for so long.

As you can understand, we have had lots of time in practicing in loosing our father, so while it's hard, we have got a lot sorted out including himself.

On another note - you are a nurse, and you can be proud of your "sisters" at Ã…rhus Amts sygehus - they did a perfect job both in how they treated my father, but also how they treated us - especially my stepmom.

[BlackCat]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
Since I believe, I'll pray for you and yours.
Sorry, BlackCat.

and I thank for your kind thoughts.

[germanos]

My condolances BlackCat.

Your dad did a good thing holding on untill last week.

Bless you all.

[Zkribbler]

We all share your pain, Black Cat

I agree with you 100% about the nurses. It took my mom six years to die. The nurses and staff who took care of her were wonderful! It was a 4-5 hour drive to get to her, so I could only make it up there every three-to-six weeks. If the nurses thought I hadn't been up there enough, they'd chew me out.

[asleepathewheel]

my condolences.

My stepfather is suffering from "aggressive" prostate cancer right now, he went through surgery last week and will begin chemo soon. Not a fun time around my house, but I am 750 miles away.

[Theben]

RIP, Blackcat's dad.

Seeker, my grandfather also served in WWII and fell down and broke his hip getting out of a car, about 8 years ago. That landed him in the hospital and there his emphysema(sp?) got worse, he died in 3 weeks. Pretty stupid way to go, right? But we all gotta go sometime.
It actually turned out to be a 'blessing' in disguise. He wasn't as strong or sharp as he had been in the past, and had made some poor financial decisions in his last years. It turned out that my grandparents were about to lose their home from unpaid mortgage. With my uncle's help we were able to refinace the mortgage, pay off the CC debts, and get te costs under control and keep the house. Had he lived they'd have lost everything, b/c he was too proud too ask for help and tight-lipped about how bad things were.

[Grandpa Troll]

Our prayers are with you for strength.

Cherish the memories for those can never be taken away..


Gramps

[Mrs. Tuberski]

B/C pekka and astw,
My sympathy is with u and ur families. I will say that whether u are able to be with ur loved one at the time is not the whole point, i believe it is if ur loved one knows that u love them and that u are there in spirit. the death of a parent is just as hard as the death of a child, but one must always believe the said parent or child is going to a better place, and will not suffer any longer. I do accept that death is inevatible but it doesnt make it any easier to accept.
As a human and a nurse i have promised to make situations like these more tolerable for the survivors and the patient.

[Dr Strangelove]

I know what it's like to be living far away when a parent falls ill or dies. My Dad was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma when I was going to school in Grenada. Grenada is over 3000 km from my home. At first my mother tried to hide it from me, but I knew something was wrong from the way her handwriting changed. It was strange to have the knowledge that something seriously wrong was going on at home without having been told, but then I realized that I was simply responding to the obvious stress ravaging my mother's usually neat handwriting. Due to conflicts between the socialist government and the labor unions telephone communications between Grenada and the US were often very difficult, but eventually I managed to place a call home. It was close enough to the end of the semester and Dad had not yet started his first course of chemotherapy, so we agreed that I would not come home. I had commitments that would have been difficult to break anyway since I was teaching a course in addition to studying.
By the time I came home for the summer Dad had had his first round of chemotherapy and seemed to be in remission. At the time chemotherapy for Multiple Myeloma could only offer limited life extension. Cures were uncommon, relapses were to be expected, so on returning to school in the fall I knew he would likely take a turn for the worst while I was away. Shortly before Thanksgiving he passed away. His mother had been hospitalized in Memphis due to heart failure, he attempted to fly down to visit her, but when the plane got into the air he began having trouble breathing. Mutliple Myeloma invades the vertebrae, causing them to collapse. If enough thoracic vertebrae collapse breathing becomes restricted, so what happened to him is that when the plane reached altitude the Oxygen concentration became low enough that his reduced ventilation became critical. He got back home, but evidently with the increased effort to breath in the plane more vertebrae had collapsed and he was having difficuly breathing even at rest. He died in his sleep.
The decision not to leave school in the first place and then to go back were a bit difficult, but I knew that there was utterly nothing that I could do to alter the course of his illness. At least we had that last summer. We managed to gather the entire family together for a group vacation at Nag's Head. I gave Mom a break by carrying him back and forth to work.
What you in your youth don't understand is what the lives of the children mean to parents. Once they're grown life isn't as dear as it used to be. Heck, my kids aren't completely grown and I'm already feeling like the major chapters in my life are coming to a close. Don't feel guilty about the end of your Dad's life. You (along with any brothers or sisters) were and are his life's work. He got the job done. You're going to have to let him go eventually.