And a question about discussing religion

[Rufus T. Firefly]

The "debating religion" thread reminded me that i wanted to toss this out there:

Recently I met a new coworker at the embassy and, in the course of chitchat, he asked me where my family went to church in town. I replied that we didn't go to church. He then stunned me by not dropping it but instead following up with, "Really? Why?"

Now, obviously, all sorts of smart-ass answers occured to me, from "Because it interefers with my golfing" to "when I want to assemble with a large group of people to consume utterly improbable fiction, I go to Michael Bay movies" to a direct "none of your freakin' business." But embassies are small, vaguely claustrophobic places, and it doesn't do to piss off colleagues casually. In the end, I just said "Because we're not religious" -- which is merely tautological and thus no answer at all. It did the trick of closing down the conversation, but didn't really satisfy anyone.

So, churchgoers: was his follow-up question inappropriate? If not, what answer would you have found satisfactory?
Non-churchgoers: what answer would you have given?

[Elok]

Actually, "because we're not religious" isn't entirely tautological. You could have wanted to go to church but been unable to because of prior obligations. We have a family friend who's deeply religious but can't go to church because her husband works on Sunday mornings and somebody has to stay home to mind her mother, who has Alzheimer's. This coworker may have just had a mindset that assumes everyone likes to go to church for some reason.

[b etor]

his question wasn't inappropriate. your answer would have been fine if you and i were having the conversation. he obviously thinks one must go to church.

[Nikolai]

That guy sounds like a guy who can't imagine anyone else not believing in what he believes in. Silly question. Had he asked you something else, like if you believe or what you believe in, it could be different.

[Alexander's Horse]

Re: And a question about discussing religion

Originally posted by Rufus T. Firefly

So, churchgoers: was his follow-up question inappropriate? If not, what answer would you have found satisfactory?

He's a nosey parker and your answer was dignified and perfectly satisfactory.

And the US embassy is the only western embassy I can think of where that conversation would even be remotely possible. You are a strange lot.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Re: Re: And a question about discussing religion

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse


He's a nosey parker and your answer was dignified and perfectly satisfactory.

And the US embassy is the only western embassy I can think of where that conversation would even be remotely possible. You are a strange lot.

I agree, I'm sorry to say. But I could never imagine it with another State Dept. person; this was somebody from an agency that doesn't have much of an international profile (so, no, not that agency ).

But thanks, all, for confirming my instincts. And Elok, I though of that too; but I knew it was tautological.

[Pekka]

I don't think it was inappropriate because it sounds like he was being sincere. Doesn't mean sincerity makes it always OK, but in this particular case I think it's just fine.

As long as they drop it after you answer that is.

There's multiple reasons why you wouldn't go to church but still would be in the same religion, as in you're not really practicing it a lot, you haven't found a church there that suits you well, you don't have the time to go, you don't have the means (a car or something) to use so you can go etc etc.

I would assume that's not what he meant though, but it's possible, plus if he was just sincere, I don't see it as inappropriate, because he really just wanted to know why not. Of course it's none of his business, but it's not that bad of a question if it's sincere, it just means the discussion you're having is open and they feel like that there are certain boundaries you can go over because there's a certain atmosphere of respect.

[BeBMan]

Re: And a question about discussing religion

Originally posted by Rufus T. Firefly
So, churchgoers: was his follow-up question inappropriate? If not, what answer would you have found satisfactory?
Non-churchgoers: what answer would you have given?

If he was polite and seemed to be really interested/surprised, I would as well be polite and say "Because we're not religious"

If I had the feeling he's the sort of guy who meant actually "Why you're such a pathetic infidel and don't go to church like every decent person would" I would probably making some jokes about the entire church-going thing.

[SpencerH]

Whats interesting to me is your comment "Now, obviously, all sorts of smart-ass answers occured to me,". Just why would it be obvious? As others have pointed out there are reasonable reasons why a religious person might ask such a question. I think your internal comment says much more about your secular arrogance than the question implies about the questioner and the "obviousness" for a "smart-ass" answer. Was your secular viewpoint clearly apparent to your questioner? For instance were you wearing your "I hate religion badge" or perhaps you werent hugging your dogeared copy of Christopher Hitchens new book tightly enough?

[BeBMan]

Originally posted by SpencerH
I think your internal comment says much more about your secular arrogance than the question implies about the questioner and the "obviousness" for a "smart-ass" answer. Was your secular viewpoint clearly apparent to your questioner?

That works well too the other way around, no? Secular viewpoint "apparent" or not, it *could* come across as quite arrogant if a guy wonders that not everyone does like he does himself....

[Proteus_MST]

I would have answered that for my beliefs I don´t need to attend to a church.

But "I am not religious" is IMHO a totally acceptable answer (just as it IMHO it is totally acceptable for this coworker to ask such a question [as long as it was a honest question and not some kind of opener to a discussion meant to "convert" you to his beliefs])

[SlowwHand]

So, churchgoers: was his follow-up question inappropriate? If not, what answer would you have found satisfactory?

One of those "concerned over fellow man" people. Whereas, as I've said, it isn't my problem.

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by BeBro


That works well too the other way around, no? Secular viewpoint "apparent" or not, it *could* come across as quite arrogant if a guy wonders that not everyone does like he does himself....

Certainly, it could have been an arrogant question but it may also have been simple curiosity. It depends on the context of the encounter and question (which we cant know since we werent there). What we do know is RTF's internal comment in response to the question (since he posted it here) and what it implies about his POV.

[Kropotkin]

Religion is quite obviously not a good topic for a chitchat! What did he ask about next, your wife's bra-size?

[Elok]

Originally posted by Kropotkin
Religion is quite obviously not a good topic for a chitchat! What did he ask about next, your wife's bra-size?

You mean it's not okay to ask about that?

Seriously, though, bear in mind you're in Europe. American values vary, but this guy may have been from the Bible Belt, where asking what church you go to is like asking about your favorite sports team. He may have been expecting an answer no more extreme than, "actually, I'm Jewish."