Life changes, Imran's cat (RIP) and other stories...

[Imran Siddiqui]

Originally posted by Dis
that's it I think. I think I remember that.

Oh, ok... carry on then . Been a while since I thought about that.

Thanks Richelieu if this is what you are referring to.

[Dinner]

BTW Imran and I have flamed each other from time to time. sometimes I was sober and sometimes drunk but I knew the whole time that even if Imran and I disagreed about something he was still a good guy with true and honest feeling. He's a good guy who deserved a chance to grieve for his pet... even if it was a cat.

[Dinner]

Originally posted by Zkribbler
Human beings are basically social animals. We tend to be the most miserable when we're by ourselves.

Good first steps.

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui
It could have been about my (at the time) girlfriend's cat dying, come to think of it. She only had him for like a month and he got sick and died.

That sounds right.

JM

[Jaguar]

The post was too long, and I didn't read it. I'm assuming, on the title alone, that you killed Imran's cat.

[Mrs. Tuberski]

To answer for inquring minds, we dont move around alot i am originaly from san antonio tx live in universal city tx with tuber, he is originally from utah, but moved down to texas for me. My jobs have been th things that get me out of texas. For 13 weeks at a time i was gone for the last two years but home for a month and a half then gone again. But anyway, last trip took me to florence where lancer is from, met him when me and a girlfriend went to the casino he worked at. Missed Franky in hawaii by a few weeks, and when in nevada to far away from vegas to see ya dis. Tuber is antisocial but im getting used to his ways. Some times people can be annoying and i get to where i want to be left alone. But with my job i have to interact with new people everyday.

[Dinner]

Tuber is a heritic Mormon?

[Tuberski]

Originally posted by Oerdin
Tuber is a heritic Mormon?

For those in the know, I'm a Jack Mormon .

Definition 2 or 3 is closest.

ACK!

[Richelieu]

Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui
I'm sorry to burst the bubble... but I've never owned a cat. Though my friends have had one. Did I start a thread about my friend's cat dying? I'm not sure if I did.

Though I do thank you for the sentiment, even if it should be directed elsewhere .

And nice to know that you got some of that "community" feeling .

I actually thought this might be the case and almost changed the OP. Maybe i argued with you about it in that thread, i'm not certain anymore, but i do know that i associated you with it.

Doesn't really matter. And if you do get a cat someday, well...

[Richelieu]

Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui
It could have been about my (at the time) girlfriend's cat dying, come to think of it. She only had him for like a month and he got sick and died.

That sounds like it. But i'm not going to be assertive about it now!

[Richelieu]

Originally posted by Oerdin
Irine sounds like a good friend. After all she didn't give up on you even after you gave up on yourself. That's real friendship. Don't abuse it or ignore it.

She does think that i don't acknowledge her efforts enough. And she's right. So here's to you J! You're the best friend i've ever had and i love you dearly.

edit: Yes, she's going to be lurking guys so you be on your best behaviour!

[Richelieu]

Originally posted by Pekka
Richeliu, hey no problem. This seems rather interesting to me though. What I see is a case where usually intelligent people fall into a trap, that is, a huge analysis on themselves. And I just don't know a simple case where that has ever lead to any positive thoughts as a result

I'm thinking that analyzing yourself without any exterior help is ultimately hopeless. Kind of like Quantum theory - as far as i understand it - where observing changes the state of the observee. (note to KH: i wont use this analogy ever again. I promise.)

You might feel down, but you know there's something you can't get a hold of, why your feelings are acting up this way.

That's a big one. Hard as i try I can't figure out why i feel the way i feel. Also: I like to think of myself as being very rational and this is a double edged sword. On the one side i get that i'm out of my natural element. I just don't deal well with or understand my own emotions. On the other side, it frustrates the hell out of me that i can't think my way out of this this.

Just do me a favour, don't do what some people do and go find answers in weird places, like drugs, marginal religions (or even big ones), cuckoo philosophies etc. These people change their set of thoughts every other week and they are intense about it all the time. The seekers who never stop seeking, but seems to be unhappy at all times.

You're too late on that one... kinda.
First of all, i'm not religious at all, so that's not going to happen. I've experimented a bit with drugs when i was a teenager and haven't had any in roughly 20 years. I'm not saying i wouldn't have some pot to relax at some point but i just can't see myself being any kind of a heavy user.
I also haven't fallen for any of those suckoo philosophies as far as i can tell, but I've already taken a couple of "those weekend personnal development courses" and i am planning on taking at least one more by the end of the month. I'll tell you more about that below.

I can't help you, but you just have to come terms with yourself and the seek you are on.. about who you are, how it relates to things around you etc... most people don't think about this stuff actively.
...

These are very interesting questions, but what's fighting you is these negative feelings, so for example where I'm happy thinking about these things, on a journey, you get negative feelings for some reason and they tend to dominate, so there's a fundamental difference.

Absolutely. But let me ask you: is your attitude towards these things the result of a decision or does it come naturally? Do you see a challenge where i see only an obstacle because you decide that it's a challenge or does it come naturally?

It really might be something physiological too.

Yep. There is something there. And again, it's another area of my life where i just can't understand why i feel the way i feel. I do know better. And yet...

Don't be stigmatized by seeking some help. It only means you want to do something about it. most people keep sitting home and be all upset about these things. So you're already ahead in many aspects, and as such, you should have great chances of being able to get your feelings and emotions into check, where they come in play when the time and situation is right, and nto just randomly and dominate.

There it is, in one sentence. The ultimate goal.


Once again, Thanks Pekka.

[Pekka]

"I've experimented a bit with drugs when i was a teenager and haven't had any in roughly 20 years. I'm not saying i wouldn't have some pot to relax at some point but i just can't see myself being any kind of a heavy user. "

I meant that you aren't looking for the answers from drug usage. Recreational stuff, I don't see what the big problem is. Just that.. there are folks who think the answer to all of their problems can be solved this way, which leads to heavy usage.

"Absolutely. But let me ask you: is your attitude towards these things the result of a decision or does it come naturally? Do you see a challenge where i see only an obstacle because you decide that it's a challenge or does it come naturally?"

Hmm. that's a difficult question. I can't answer that for sure, but I feel it's a decision. But it has some history with it, there was a time in my life where I had about 0 emotions. No positive, no negative. But I was seeking for it, I had this.. admiriation for stoic things, so I kind of got interested in it, and at some point I just didn't feel much at all. So I had killed my own emotions pretty much on a decision, but it took time. I thought it equaled personal strength.

It was very difficult to 'get back on the track' later on, but I was interested in it, just like I was interested in getting them killed. Meaning, that I didn't give any set value to, say, negative feelings. so, if I felt negative, that was interesting. So, to me, a negative feeling isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's a feeling. At first the few things I got going on was getting pissed off and angry (at the right moments), and that was kind of interesting as well. So I thought I should get angry, I should get pissed off, and I should not repress any feelings, or give any value to feelings per se.

I challenged the thought of bad and good feelings with myself, making them all just groups of feelings, where everything is 'good'.

This is difficult to explain.. Mmm.... let's say I was feeling (and still do) like an anthropologists of myself and things around me, so if I, for example, get scared, that is interesting to me. I'm not paralyzed by it, rather step outside myself to view what's happening. I guess I'm distancing myself, and then looking at myself and being interested.

So was this all a decision? I don't know. I guess I'm naturally curious about things, including myself. I've been dominated by negative feelings, but I don't consider it a bad thing. But I guess I've never been depressed in ways that is not good anymore.

"Yep. There is something there. And again, it's another area of my life where i just can't understand why i feel the way i feel. I do know better. And yet..."

Exactly. So that's why it would make sense to have some kind of inbalance going on, and who knows why that is. But it seems to me that you've done a lot of researching on yourself so there's always a point where someone else can help a bit so you can again move forward, so I guess professionals would be in order for that. My only advice is to challenge everything. Challenge even your own feelings. Challenge the negativitity of feeling negative. Why is it bad? Why does feeling bad feel like it does? Why is it not good as opposed to feeling good? Can they really be assigned to these different values? Challenging will help you to not paralyze and be overtaken by things if nothing else. Also, as we all know, healthy body will help, that is, eating properly etc..

So for example, for me, life is all about experiences. We are here for a short period, you can't take the money with you when you die, so I'd rather have as many experiences as possible than anything else. That's it. Why do I think I am alive? To do stuff. I don't see it being any more complicated than that. Collection of experiences and memories. And, negative experiences are also experiences, so I'll take them too. I'm not actively trying to avoid the negative. I'm not seeking it either, but I'm not letting it dictate what I want to do or think etc.

[Pekka]

Here is an example of how I'd deal in a situation where I get, say, scared:

I feel getting scared. Not a nice feeling. In fact, quite difficult to deal with. So, I kick myself to think why am I afraid? I realize, that being scared is just a way for my body to prepare me to face a possible dangerous situation. That's all it is, and adrenaline might be pumping and my body isn't handling it well. Why is my stomach hurting, as in I might have diarrhea? Blood is pumping out of my stomach, because if this was the olden days and I got a blade in my stomach, it would be bad, so my body is protecting me from the worst and getting that blood out of there.

So things are happening, that's why I might feel a bit cold etc. Then I realize, that this preparation, even though it feels akward, it will allow me to function superbly, should I be in trouble soon.

Now I feel a bit better and I try to figure out why am I sensing danger.. etc. That's just dealing with the feeling, and once you know what's going on, you are already dealing with it and automatically feel 'better', as in on top of it.

So, if there was a dangerous situation, I'm more likely to function properly now, instead of choking. In fact, as being interested in everything and not assigning values to things, at this point I usually become eager to face the danger. As in, 'I'm 110% now, I'm prepared, even though this feels akward, this is what happens when mother nature pumps you up for anything and everything... I'm more than I was 5 minutes ago, ****, I'm a superhuman!'.

So somehow from feeling akward and a bit sick, I start to feel actually pretty damn good, ready and all taht stuff. However, then I also think I'm insane, because there was no real danger, as in, what am I doing? Being superhuman, ready for.. what?! But then I kind of think that's funny, and insane people always win over the 'boring people', well, that's what I'd like to think

[Dinner]

WTF Pekka?