Tweet
Sorry, I had other things to do and couldn't write this until now. I don't know if it is as clear as the original, I might've not explained myself as well, but I think it'll be okay. And BTW, thank you all for taking the time to help me.
Exactly. That's the point of the thread-how my subconscious belief that I need a woman is phony and imposed by society, and thus can be removed.
I want to get rid of it, not act on it. My problem is that I think I need a woman, which a)isn't true, and b)makes things worse for me, because wanting something you can't have is bad. I don't act on it because a)for me it is more difficult, and b)I'll explain later.
It is a possibility. If this is the case, how do I get rid of this conscious belief as well, even if I know it is an incorrect belief intellecutally?
I'm not trying to eliminate the physical desire for women. That would be impossible. What I am trying to get rid of is this subconscious belief that I need a woman close to me to be happy.
As I said before, I don't want to subconsciously believe that having a woman close to me is necessary for happiness. That is not true and it is a detriment to my own happiness. This subconscious belief is what I'm trying to get rid of. Now for the desire itself, to be close to a woman, that is something that came with the belief that I need this to be happy. Before, I was sexually attracted to women. I definitely would have liked a close relationship, but it was no big deal. I didn't have a problem with not having that. But then I came in contact to romantic ideals, bought into them at first, then realized it was crap, but still subconsciously believe I need a woman close to me to be happy. And with this belief is that desire.
I agree with the Buddhists that desire is the root of all suffering. I won't be getting a close relationship with a woman for a while (and more on that later), so having a strong desire for this will make more more unhappy. Also, even if it was attainable, it would create more ups and downs. Whenever I'd have it, I'd be happier, when I didn't have it, I'd be worse off. This is why putting happiness on external conditions you can't control is a bad idea. It is supposed to come from within. And, I shouldn't have the false belief that a woman will bring me happiness. People who believe this believe that it will fix their own problems, insecurities, conflicts, desires, etc., and find spiritual well-being. But that is something they need to do themselves, and that is what brings people happiness. Not another person.
Yeah, it would put you on a high for a while, but the two would get used to each other, and the old problems just listed would still be there and come back. The people in question would then be less happy. The romantic belief that having a woman will solve all of your problems is the biggest cause of divorce, I think. People subconsciously expect their spouse will solve all of their problems, and it doesn't happen, so they become dissatisfied. I don't want to have this subconscious belief. So it would be bad for me to think a woman will bring me happiness when this isn't the truth.
I am not trying to get rid of my emotional side, or all of my subconscious desires. I am merely trying to get rid of my subconscious belief that having a woman close to me is necessary for happiness. Though I might not have covered why that belief is wrong in this thread, I have thought a lot about it, and I am pretty sure it is crap. If you believe having a close relationship with a woman is necessary for happiness, I guess I could debate about that, but I don't think anyone subscribes to that extreme belief. That was what the thread was originally about, what human needs were, and whether or not that was necessary for happiness.
Rationality isn't inherently superior, nor emotions inherently inferior. However, rationality must be used as a tool to guide emotions and subconscious beliefs and desires when they are detrimental.
It isn't about pleasing other people or looking good in front of them. That is Dis's problem. If that is who you addressed it to, than forgive me. I don't care what they think. However, they imposed beliefs on me (not purposely though) that I subconsciously buy into. I am trying to get rid of these subconscious beliefs.
I disagree, you can use rationality to steer yourself in a certain direction and help define who you are.
And though this doesn't really fit in at the end (this whole thing is kind of stream of consciousness and disorganized, for that I apologize), a major reason I want to get rid of the subconscious belief that I need a woman close to me to be happy (and the subsequent strong desire to have a woman close to me) is that I know it won't happen. When you believe (subconsciously or consciously) that you need something or (especially and) you desire this something (subconsciously or consciously), and you can't get it, than it makes you worse off. That is common sense. And I know this won't be something I'll have for a while.
I got into my dream school (Williams College), and it is a big stretch for me. It will be incredibly academically challenging, and I will need to work my ass off and be very diligent (not a bad thing). On top of that, I want to be involved in activities, get better at two instruments, play sports, get in shape, listen to a lot of music, possibly have a job, and hopefully get to spend some time with friends. I function well when I am very active, and I will love college. But my parents are also spending about 45 grand a year to send me there, so I can't mess up at all. So this situation does not leave room for romance (but I don't think that is a bad thing, as I have repeated, romance is not necessary for happiness).
First off, I wouldn't have the time. Second, I can't afford that type of distraction. I have no room for error. Third, a lot of women at this college want to marry the futurely rich and successful guys that go here (50% of Williams grads marry another Williams grads), and I don't want to get married until at least my early thirties, and probably won't until late thirties. Fourth, even if I did have the time, it wouldn't be fair to her. She would be number 5 or 6 on my list of things important in my life, and that isn't fair. And on top of that, I couldn't make much of a commitment. I'd have so many other things to do that are more important, and she'd be something I'd have to work around my schedule.
The fact is, I have so many things that are much more important in the long run that I can't afford to risk. Yeah, it would be great to be with her, but I only have one shot at this, and I can always work on relationships later.
And grad school will be more difficult. I will hopefully be in a selective grad school in whatever field I decide to go into, so I will be working hard at school, and in all my spare time I'll be keeping down a job to help pay the bills. And on top of that, I'll be dirt poor and in debt. So I definitely wouldn't have the time or money to have a girlfriend, too much to lose, and I definitely wouldn't be a very eligible bachelor, to say the least.
So I don't plan on doing relationships until at least I am done (I'll probably get my doctorate). Once that happens, I'll want to get all I can out of the last couple years of my youth. Then I'll start with that.
So the point is, I will be going a long time without something I subconsciously not only want but think I need (which isn't true, by the way, as I have already explained). So for my own benefit, how can I get rid of this subconscious belief?
Are you a negative as*hole naturally, or do you have to work at it? It seems like all you do is just go to threads, take a few one-sentence shots at a poster, and contribute nothing. What's the point?
originally posted by Flip McWho:
You said that the desire didn't exist untill other people put the desire there. Before that you were content without a woman. Or at least that's how I understood it.
You said that the desire didn't exist untill other people put the desire there. Before that you were content without a woman. Or at least that's how I understood it.
originally posted by Flip McWho:
So this subconscious desire exists. Why don't you want to act on it?
So this subconscious desire exists. Why don't you want to act on it?
originally posted by Flip McWho:
Maybe the reason you can't change the subconscious desire is because you have the conscious desire as well you're just trying to deny it?
Maybe the reason you can't change the subconscious desire is because you have the conscious desire as well you're just trying to deny it?
originally posted by Aivo½so:
So this is what it was all about. johncmcleod, I don't think you are going to be able to eliminate your sexuality. But I also don't think anyone would claim that your life isn't worth living if you can't have sex.
So this is what it was all about. johncmcleod, I don't think you are going to be able to eliminate your sexuality. But I also don't think anyone would claim that your life isn't worth living if you can't have sex.
originally posted by Spiffor:
why the heck would you want to get rid of such desires?
why the heck would you want to get rid of such desires?
I agree with the Buddhists that desire is the root of all suffering. I won't be getting a close relationship with a woman for a while (and more on that later), so having a strong desire for this will make more more unhappy. Also, even if it was attainable, it would create more ups and downs. Whenever I'd have it, I'd be happier, when I didn't have it, I'd be worse off. This is why putting happiness on external conditions you can't control is a bad idea. It is supposed to come from within. And, I shouldn't have the false belief that a woman will bring me happiness. People who believe this believe that it will fix their own problems, insecurities, conflicts, desires, etc., and find spiritual well-being. But that is something they need to do themselves, and that is what brings people happiness. Not another person.
Yeah, it would put you on a high for a while, but the two would get used to each other, and the old problems just listed would still be there and come back. The people in question would then be less happy. The romantic belief that having a woman will solve all of your problems is the biggest cause of divorce, I think. People subconsciously expect their spouse will solve all of their problems, and it doesn't happen, so they become dissatisfied. I don't want to have this subconscious belief. So it would be bad for me to think a woman will bring me happiness when this isn't the truth.
originally posted by Spiffor:
Your subconscious desires are a part of you, as much as oyur thought. JohnMcLeod isn't onyl the rational part of a brain, he's a body of flesh and bone, with emotions, with reflexes, with hormones.
There's nothing inherently superior in rationality.
Though it's easier to say than to admit. For example, it took me about six monthes of intense internal struggle not only to accept that I had an emotional side, but also to accept that it deserves I live with it, instead of trying to suppress it.
Your subconscious desires are a part of you, as much as oyur thought. JohnMcLeod isn't onyl the rational part of a brain, he's a body of flesh and bone, with emotions, with reflexes, with hormones.
There's nothing inherently superior in rationality.
Though it's easier to say than to admit. For example, it took me about six monthes of intense internal struggle not only to accept that I had an emotional side, but also to accept that it deserves I live with it, instead of trying to suppress it.
Rationality isn't inherently superior, nor emotions inherently inferior. However, rationality must be used as a tool to guide emotions and subconscious beliefs and desires when they are detrimental.
I didn't say that. Where do I say to ignore other peoples feelings. I just said opinion. They don't have to tell the people that their opinion is irrelevant or stupid and so shut the hell up. It's taking another persons feelings about you personally like in the case of thinking you have to have a woman because everyone tells you you should, thats the problem.
Too true. Rationality is just a tool to be used to interpret the world with, so you don't go believing some crazy ass ideas. It's not something to define who you are with.
And though this doesn't really fit in at the end (this whole thing is kind of stream of consciousness and disorganized, for that I apologize), a major reason I want to get rid of the subconscious belief that I need a woman close to me to be happy (and the subsequent strong desire to have a woman close to me) is that I know it won't happen. When you believe (subconsciously or consciously) that you need something or (especially and) you desire this something (subconsciously or consciously), and you can't get it, than it makes you worse off. That is common sense. And I know this won't be something I'll have for a while.
I got into my dream school (Williams College), and it is a big stretch for me. It will be incredibly academically challenging, and I will need to work my ass off and be very diligent (not a bad thing). On top of that, I want to be involved in activities, get better at two instruments, play sports, get in shape, listen to a lot of music, possibly have a job, and hopefully get to spend some time with friends. I function well when I am very active, and I will love college. But my parents are also spending about 45 grand a year to send me there, so I can't mess up at all. So this situation does not leave room for romance (but I don't think that is a bad thing, as I have repeated, romance is not necessary for happiness).
First off, I wouldn't have the time. Second, I can't afford that type of distraction. I have no room for error. Third, a lot of women at this college want to marry the futurely rich and successful guys that go here (50% of Williams grads marry another Williams grads), and I don't want to get married until at least my early thirties, and probably won't until late thirties. Fourth, even if I did have the time, it wouldn't be fair to her. She would be number 5 or 6 on my list of things important in my life, and that isn't fair. And on top of that, I couldn't make much of a commitment. I'd have so many other things to do that are more important, and she'd be something I'd have to work around my schedule.
The fact is, I have so many things that are much more important in the long run that I can't afford to risk. Yeah, it would be great to be with her, but I only have one shot at this, and I can always work on relationships later.
And grad school will be more difficult. I will hopefully be in a selective grad school in whatever field I decide to go into, so I will be working hard at school, and in all my spare time I'll be keeping down a job to help pay the bills. And on top of that, I'll be dirt poor and in debt. So I definitely wouldn't have the time or money to have a girlfriend, too much to lose, and I definitely wouldn't be a very eligible bachelor, to say the least.
So I don't plan on doing relationships until at least I am done (I'll probably get my doctorate). Once that happens, I'll want to get all I can out of the last couple years of my youth. Then I'll start with that.
So the point is, I will be going a long time without something I subconsciously not only want but think I need (which isn't true, by the way, as I have already explained). So for my own benefit, how can I get rid of this subconscious belief?
originally posted by Darius871:
What else is new?
What else is new?
it's fun being snarky.
we can only hope right?
Comment