I'm a nice guy, but I am very hostile.

[Asher]

Originally posted by Last Conformist
I understand my refined tact, unfailing politeness, and generally sympathic demeanour can give the false impression, but I'm not at 'Poly to be liked. Particularly not by pompous asses like Asher.

To be honest, to me you just lack any sort of personality that makes you interesting in the least. That's why you didn't come to mind on the list.

It's not that I hate you, it's just that you're pretty much without any discernable personality on Apolyton.

[Japher]

that's cause he's multi-sited

me and puns

[Asher]

Originally posted by Spiffor
It's the pure informative form. Sentences such as "Could you help me?" or "I need help" leave unsaid the true meaning, i.e. "Help me" (though everybody understands, excepts disingenuous people).

...

what?

[Asher]

Being polite is social protocol that people are conditioned into equating into being nice.

I consider a lot of "politeness" to be a waste of time because I see through the protocol into the true intentions. When smalltalk begins, my first thought is..."Why are we doing this? There's no point to this. Shut up and let me listen to my music."

Alas, that's not how the world works, so I cave and be "polite" and engage in smalltalk, much to my pain.

I think many people here are incapable of seeing politeness for what it really is, because it's been drilled into their brain by society...

[Japher]

perception is reality

[Asher]

Not if you're insightful.

[Japher]

Not if you're insightful

that doesn't matter, because it's other people's perceptions that creates your reality

sadly

[Last Conformist]

Originally posted by Asher

...

what?

The point would be clearer if English had some reasonable morphology. The first is an infinitive, the second an imperative.

[Last Conformist]

Originally posted by Asher

To be honest, to me you just lack any sort of personality that makes you interesting in the least. That's why you didn't come to mind on the list.

It's not that I hate you, it's just that you're pretty much without any discernable personality on Apolyton.

I don't particularly hate you, I just find you pompous and annoying.

[Arrian]

Being polite is social protocol that people are conditioned into equating into being nice.

One can be polite w/o being nice. People who are genuinely nice, however, are ALSO polite (after all, it really doesn't take much effort). If you're an arrogant jerk who acts like an arrogant jerk, you're still not any nicer than the arrogant jerk who pretends to be nice (by being polite). You might get some points for honesty, but you don't seem to care about such points, so what's the point?

-Arrian

[Asher]

My reality isn't necessarily formed by other people's perceptions.

I tend to ignore politeness as something useless, not something to make opinions on. A lot of people confuse it with being nice, and I think it doesn't mean anything.

For example, your stereotypical Queen B*tch drama queen teenage girl that is all nice and polite to people in person, but in reality hates people. A lot of people read too much into the politeness. I think that it's a crutch for a lot of people, honestly -- makes judging people that much easier.

[Asher]

Originally posted by Arrian
One can be polite w/o being nice. People who are genuinely nice, however, are ALSO polite (after all, it really doesn't take much effort). If you're an arrogant jerk who acts like an arrogant jerk, you're still not any nicer than the arrogant jerk who pretends to be nice (by being polite). You might get some points for honesty, but you don't seem to care about such points, so what's the point?

-Arrian

Honesty is where you get stability in your life. You don't make false impressions, which is why most relationships of any sort can fail.

When I make friends (and significant others), I keep them because I'm an honest guy. My opinions are known. I'm a nice guy to the people who I am friends with and care about, and I'm honest at the same time. My honesty, especially on sites like this, comes across as an arrogant *******, and I'm actually fine with that.

It simplifies life when you're less deceptive, even if it's with good intentions.

[Arrian]

It's pretty easy to see through the people who are fake about their politeness, Asher. At least in my experience it is.

As for the rest... it's one thing to become obsessed about what other people think of you, to the point where other people's perceptions (or your perceptions of their perceptions) rule your life. Clearly, that's bad. But the other extreme ("I don't give a **** about what anybody thinks of me") can be bad too.

But hey, if you think being an (honest) arrogant jerk is a good thing, it's no skin off my nose.

-Arrian

p.s. I am generally thought of as honest to a fault. I often say things that others wouldn't say. Yet somehow I manage to also be generally polite. How can this be??

[Japher]

I don't have a problem with Asher's honesty/arrogance... it's his ego that's the problem

[Asher]

It's probably because you're a normal person where politeness is something that comes naturally to you.

When it's something that requires active thought and causes genuine annoyance, it starts to get old after 22 years.

I'm polite to the extent that is required of me. But if I'm talking with somebody and I think they're being stupid, I'll tell them that. I'll let them know what's on my mind. If they can tell me I'm being stupid, good on them too.

People become so obsessed with being well-liked that if somebody says anything not positive ("I think you're being stupid") they leap on the defensive to try to correct that opinion. God forbid people think something badly of them...

Politeness is abused. It's fitting into social standards and that doesn't mean much of anything, except perhaps that they're a follower.