Long Distance Relationships

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by OzzyKP
How long have you been together?



See I dunno, is every weekend too much to expect? Have we just not been together long enough for me to expect this degree of commitment? I dunno.

For a long distance relationship, you're lucky to be able to see her twice a month. I was dating a woman who lived in Cincinatti when I lived outside Chicago. I saw her four times in a year and a half, the last time being when she broke up with me. We spoke on the phone often and we wrote each other many letters.

Interestingly, we could have respearked the relationship three years later, but I had just started dating Bunnygrrl at the time. I'm very happy now, but I probably would have been anyway, as the other woman was the first great love of my life.

[Gibsie]

Speaking as someone who's been through the meatgrinder twice (+drunk!), I gotaa say don't do it. Unless you're gay. It' probably work if you're gay.

[Mercator]

Originally posted by Gibsie
Speaking as someone who's been through the meatgrinder twice (+drunk!), I gotaa say don't do it. Unless you're gay. It' probably work if you're gay.

What would work if he's gay? The relationship he's in now or long distance relationships?

[OzzyKP]

[OzzyKP]

More f.cked up **** in Ozzy-land.


Ok....

Well I haven't seen her in three weeks. For the last week or two we were planning on her coming down (well me coming up, picking her up, and then coming down) for a few days this week. I was going to drive up tonight, drive back tomorrow morning. Then drive back up to drop her off Wednesday night.

I was looking forward to this because, of course I hadn't seen her in three weeks, and since she is going to Europe soon, probably won't see her for another three weeks.

Because of all this sh.t though, I had some pit in my gut that something was going to happen and she'd cancel. I f.cking hate being right.

Earlier this evening I got in the car and started driving to go get her, and I gave her a call to let her know I was on my way. She told me not to come. Said that her aunt and grandma were suddenly going to come to visit on Tuesday and she had to be there with them. She said she didn't know what to do. I told her to do whatever and I hung up.

I was so f.cking mad. I hadn't before considered ending it, but I was just furious and ready to just end it then. I figured I'd wait to see what she had to say when she called back. She didn't call back though for like 2 hours.

When she finally did call back she said that her mom lied to her. Her aunt and grandma weren't coming to visit, her mom told her that to stop her from going to see me.

She said she got in a big fight with her mom and said she is moving out as soon as she gets back from Europe. She says then she won't have to deal with all the BS from living at home with her mom, she'll have much more time to see me, and will be more independent.

I was still (and am still) quite pissed off though. The fact that her mom lied about the relitives doesn't change the fact that she dropped me right away upon finding that out. She says that "in my family it is always 'family first' no matter what". Well great. We talked about it all. I vented.

She did say though that when she moves out this won't really be an issue, because she'll be on her own and won't be beholden to her mother at every moment. Maybe I'm a sucker, but I've decided to stick around and see if things really are going to change, and if she really is going to move out. I really do love her but she is seriously on her last chance.

And we are going to end up seeing each other. I'll be driving up tomorrow morning though, cause she says there is no way her mom would let me spend the night.

So what do you think? Am I a sucker?
What does it mean to have a girl who puts family first when that family is evil?
Will moving away from her evil mother help matters? Or will her evil mother still **** with her life from afar?
If I one day marry this girl, am I going to be stuck with an evil mother-in-law? Or is that normal?
Even if her family wasn't evil, should the fact she decided to be home for her aunt & grandma (due to their last minute visit) and cancel our two week plans, be a deal breaker?

GGGRRRRRR....

What the f.ck is wrong with this woman?

[:) Smiley]

Geographical seperation works wonders in defusing family problems, because they effectively make them long distance relationships - only worth maintaining if its really good. Ideally you want to be somewhere where its not feasible to drive to and from in one day.

Ideally, she should relocate a couple hours north of DC.

[OzzyKP]

She already is a couple hours north of DC.

[:) Smiley]

Sorry I meant a couple hours south then, basically so you get a situation like this:

[OzzyKP]

[Timexwatch]

IMHO, it may be hard, but maybe you should start looking at another relationship. The whole "things will be better when I get back from Europe" sounds like an excuse to put off making a decision until later. I bet you $5 that as soon as she gets back she won't move out. Nobody who comes back from overseas wants to move out; they always want a home to come back to.

And moving away might not help if there is this much drama between them. You'll most likely end up driving her there on the weekends or at least to the Greyhound station.

The whole cancel two weeks worth of plans also raises red flags. If she's not willing to at least try to schedule some time with you while her relatives were there, then you're always going to be taking a back seat.

Unless you can get her to make a definitive decision to move out (as in a lease, stuff in boxes inside a storage shed somewhere in Rockville) then you should think about breaking it off. People who have situtions like this have a hard time extracating themselves from them.

[Barinthus]

mmm well like I said before, it's entirely up to you. It does seem to me that she's your classic "mama's boy" only this time it's a girl. Everytime her mom beckons, she probably will drop everything and go running.

But again she may change and geographical seperation may help.

Too many ifs.

I dated this sorching hot latina for a while but dropped her because it was getting too annoying for me that she often would make plans with me then cancel last minute to be with her family or watch a Lakers game with her dad.

I would never begrudge my "s.o." desire to spend time with their family but this is unacceptable.

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by OzzyKP
What does it mean to have a girl who puts family first when that family is evil?

It means she is a decent and loyal person even to those who don't deserve it. That is a very rare and wonderful quality.

Will moving away from her evil mother help matters?

It will help a lot.

Or will her evil mother still **** with her life from afar?

As much as she can. That's the nature of evil people.

What you need to understand though, is that this is her mother. No matter how evil she is, she will always be her mother. Most people simple can't severe that tie. My wife's best friend was badly abused by her mother physically, and she never cut her mother off. I've seen it with person after person.

Your patience and loyalty will be rewarded.

[Drake Tungsten]

I don't see what's so evil about this girl's mom. Lots of parents are protective of their children and manipulative if they don't approve of who their child is dating.

[Ming]

It all depends on how much you care for her... Is she worth the wait?

Only you can answer that question.
If you truely love her a ton... then wait and be patient.
If not... SEE YA!

[Timexwatch]

Originally posted by Drake Tungsten
I don't see what's so evil about this girl's mom. Lots of parents are protective of their children and manipulative if they don't approve of who their child is dating.

Most parents who disapprove of who their child is dating don't play the kind of games that her mom is and then cop to them. Well-balanced individuals are generally PITA but don't actively go out of their way to sabotage the relationship.