Impolite things to say at a wake.

[Tuberski]

Impolite Things to Say at a Wake

by Paul Gilmartin

So, what are you gonna do with his golf clubs?

Who do I talk to about his bar tab?

Of course you'll miss him, he didn't molest you.

How long you think until he starts to stink?

Wow! Other than his wife, is there anyone in this room he didn't bang?

Say what you will, Madame Toussot does nice work.

It's weird not seeing him drunk.

I always thought he was gay.

Isn't that suit gonna be a little warm for Hell?

So now that you're a widow, what do you do? Masturbate?

I was there when he died. Man what a baby.

Any others?

ACK!

[Immortal Wombat]

So he doesn't need both kidneys anymore then?

[Giant_Squid]

HEY LOOK HE'S MOVING!!!!...kidding, kidding.

[Zero]

Anything I say while at wake is impolite

[Uncle Sparky]

So... he had gold fillings, right?

You ever make out at a wake before?

I don't give a **** who he was, I'm here for the sandwiches.

Is his daughter seventeen or 18?

Widow comforting time !

Anyone else here a necrophiliac ?

They must have hacked off his feet to fit him into that coffin.

Wedgie !

[JohnT]

Actually said:

"Well, this is better than a divorce."

[Ming]

Also actually heard at a wake...

"She looks better now than when she was alive"

OUCH.....

[JohnT]

Doh!

[Zero]

You ever make out at a wake before?

Done that

I don't give a **** who he was, I'm here for the sandwiches.

Done THAT. MANY TIMES

How long you think until he starts to stink?

That too

It's weird not seeing him drunk.

That reminds me of my gramp's.

HEY LOOK HE'S MOVING!!!!...kidding, kidding.

I should try that one.

Widow comforting time !

Not excatly but something along the lines of "time to look for grieving chicks"...

Also my favorite line:
"well... sucks to be him"

Humming Bach's Tocata is also fun to do.

You defintely dont want me in your wake/funeral... I just cant be serious in one.

[Q Classic]

said to someone going to a wake:

Have fun!

[Richelieu]

About freakin' time...

[Ming]

Also actually heard at a wake...

"Death was going to catch up with him eventually"

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Uncle Sparky
Widow comforting time !

Sounds like some kind of Japanese porn.

[Zero]

how about walking in with a party hat on?

[kring]

Originally posted by Calc II

You defintely dont want me in your wake/funeral... I just cant be serious in one.

I wouldn't mind having you at my wake, not that it will be anytime soon. I want my wake to be a happy time, a celebration of my life, not a sad time like many wakes.

Something one of my friends would do is to plant a cell phone or pager on the dear departed and then call/page them, usually at a somber moment during the wake.