I have long felt that the main purpose of America Online's existence is to provide cheap and expendable compact discs to smash when you're mad, and now I know for sure. I thought I'd spread the news that, the next time you feel COSMICALLY po'ed, you don't need to go getting into a fight to let it off. Simply follow these handy steps:
1. Get a NEW AOL version 9543.0!!!! Demo Disc at your local supermarket or wherever they're handing the stupid things out in your area.
2. Remove the disc from its packaging and place it on a very hard surface, such as the sidewalk or a blacktop.
3. Let loose on that sucker with a claw hammer. Go ahead, throw all your body weight into the blow. You will find inner peace.
I just tried this method today, and let me tell you, massage and relaxing sounds and all that other hippie crap have nothing on the feeling you get. That's why I felt obligated to share this with you all. You will pause, still clutching the hammer, and think to yourself, "Well, the girl still has a boyfriend, I'm still failing math, I still drive a Kia and my job still sucks, but THAT DAMNED CD EXPLODED! UP YOURS, AOL!! YEAH!!"
At least, that's how I felt. It's probably even better if you use something by Microsoft. Go ahead, try it. The hammer shall set you free. Note that I'm not sure if the whole casual-destruction scapegoat thing works for everybody. But this is too remarkable for me not to share with the world. Ah, peace....
1. Get a NEW AOL version 9543.0!!!! Demo Disc at your local supermarket or wherever they're handing the stupid things out in your area.
2. Remove the disc from its packaging and place it on a very hard surface, such as the sidewalk or a blacktop.
3. Let loose on that sucker with a claw hammer. Go ahead, throw all your body weight into the blow. You will find inner peace.
I just tried this method today, and let me tell you, massage and relaxing sounds and all that other hippie crap have nothing on the feeling you get. That's why I felt obligated to share this with you all. You will pause, still clutching the hammer, and think to yourself, "Well, the girl still has a boyfriend, I'm still failing math, I still drive a Kia and my job still sucks, but THAT DAMNED CD EXPLODED! UP YOURS, AOL!! YEAH!!"
At least, that's how I felt. It's probably even better if you use something by Microsoft. Go ahead, try it. The hammer shall set you free. Note that I'm not sure if the whole casual-destruction scapegoat thing works for everybody. But this is too remarkable for me not to share with the world. Ah, peace....
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