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*sigh*
This is alot to read, but i would much appreciate if you read it and lend me advice, but if you dont want to you could just skip several paragraphs...
I eagerly applied last winter to the US Air Force Academy, seeing myself with a great future in military service, with purpose and direction. I had been waiting for that for many years. I quickly squirreled up one of my Senator's nominations, adn my other two Congressmen sent me letters of assurances that if I had not already received a nomination, that they would have given me one. During an interview with a panel of alumni from the various service academies, after examining my record thouroughly, they said i was the type of person the USAFA was looking for. I had skills and ambition. This gave me much confidence.
My Liason Officer interveiw went very well, and later she told me that she had scored my character (one of the 4 things the service academies llook at) very high. My SAT scores were well above the academy average, and my grades were quite good. I scored well above average on everything in my Physical Aptitude Exam (pushups in 2 minutes, pullups, standing broad jump, basketball throw, 300meter shuttle run), except pull-ups, which i did slightly less than average on (damn my long arms and heavy legs!). I have been active in extracurricular activities, and in athletics. The one area really that i was lacking was leadership postions.
Anyway, after all this, and added confidence given to me by my school councilor, I figured I had a very good chance at acceptance. I had worked very hard to be a competetive applicant.
Unfortunately, I recieved a letter the day before last telling me that I would not be recieving an appoinment to the USAFA. Initially, i tried to block it from my mind, just acknowledging the letter, but nothing more.
But now, after time, i have had no choice but to thiink about it (as i am always thinking...) and my feelings suck ass. Although i appled to other places in case of this, i never thought those things thru. At the academy, i had a plan, my life had a future and i had dreams and aspirations. The thing that pisses me off the most is that i know i have the ability to have realized that stuff, but i cant now because i was nudged out. Now, at the university of texas (the place i will probably end up going), i have no idea what im going to do with my life. I have no plans for even next year, let alone what direction my life will take
. It is almost scarey.
Another big problem is i dunno how i am going to pay for college. I was going to do an AFROTC application, but i was late on it because i mis-thought it was the same as the academy's. SO now, im going into college with no financial aid nor scholarships, and i am definately not from a wealthy family (single mother who just finished struggling to put my older brother thru college with almost no help from a dead-beat dad). The list of how this has really shaken up my life goes on and on. I have feelings of extreme failure. Like i failed myself, and the many people who had high expectations of me, adn were pulling for me. And this is ALL ontop of a bunch of **** im going thru in my life already, that i dont care much to delve into.
I dunno why im writting this, i guess im just searching for consolation to my anxiety, or perhaps any advice about anything that i can get. If you have any questions on more details of whats going on, please ask. ill tell further what i can/want to.
EDIT: also, any one have any similar experiences?
Kman
This is alot to read, but i would much appreciate if you read it and lend me advice, but if you dont want to you could just skip several paragraphs...
I eagerly applied last winter to the US Air Force Academy, seeing myself with a great future in military service, with purpose and direction. I had been waiting for that for many years. I quickly squirreled up one of my Senator's nominations, adn my other two Congressmen sent me letters of assurances that if I had not already received a nomination, that they would have given me one. During an interview with a panel of alumni from the various service academies, after examining my record thouroughly, they said i was the type of person the USAFA was looking for. I had skills and ambition. This gave me much confidence.
My Liason Officer interveiw went very well, and later she told me that she had scored my character (one of the 4 things the service academies llook at) very high. My SAT scores were well above the academy average, and my grades were quite good. I scored well above average on everything in my Physical Aptitude Exam (pushups in 2 minutes, pullups, standing broad jump, basketball throw, 300meter shuttle run), except pull-ups, which i did slightly less than average on (damn my long arms and heavy legs!). I have been active in extracurricular activities, and in athletics. The one area really that i was lacking was leadership postions.
Anyway, after all this, and added confidence given to me by my school councilor, I figured I had a very good chance at acceptance. I had worked very hard to be a competetive applicant.
Unfortunately, I recieved a letter the day before last telling me that I would not be recieving an appoinment to the USAFA. Initially, i tried to block it from my mind, just acknowledging the letter, but nothing more.
But now, after time, i have had no choice but to thiink about it (as i am always thinking...) and my feelings suck ass. Although i appled to other places in case of this, i never thought those things thru. At the academy, i had a plan, my life had a future and i had dreams and aspirations. The thing that pisses me off the most is that i know i have the ability to have realized that stuff, but i cant now because i was nudged out. Now, at the university of texas (the place i will probably end up going), i have no idea what im going to do with my life. I have no plans for even next year, let alone what direction my life will take
. It is almost scarey. Another big problem is i dunno how i am going to pay for college. I was going to do an AFROTC application, but i was late on it because i mis-thought it was the same as the academy's. SO now, im going into college with no financial aid nor scholarships, and i am definately not from a wealthy family (single mother who just finished struggling to put my older brother thru college with almost no help from a dead-beat dad). The list of how this has really shaken up my life goes on and on. I have feelings of extreme failure. Like i failed myself, and the many people who had high expectations of me, adn were pulling for me. And this is ALL ontop of a bunch of **** im going thru in my life already, that i dont care much to delve into.
I dunno why im writting this, i guess im just searching for consolation to my anxiety, or perhaps any advice about anything that i can get. If you have any questions on more details of whats going on, please ask. ill tell further what i can/want to.
EDIT: also, any one have any similar experiences?
Kman
. We must have some trust in ourselves, and that everything is going to work out OK. Besides, the success will taste so good when it happens after all the hardships.. it will be good.
shall we succeed in life? i suppose only time wil ltell now
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