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Help me stick to my guns!
HELLOOOOO, APOLYTON!!
I need some help from you fellas...
For the past five months or so, I've been having an on-and-off relationship with a girl at my college. At some point, she fell in love with me, and I fell in love with her. We never did start officially going out as boyfriend and girlfriend, and eventually in January when Winter break ended, she told me she wanted to call it quits.
I'll be honest, I took it very badly, but I was starting to get used to the idea of us being just friends by the third week or so. And then one day, she came over to my room and we were hanging out, and she started getting really horny and she climbed on top of me. Well, I told her that she better think about what she was doing before she'd regret it. And she stopped and we ended up talking for a while, but eventhough I declined to do "it", our relationship had CLEARLY gone again beyond just being friends.
The next day, my resolve caved and we ended up sleeping together under two conditions. 1) It was just noncommittal sex, and 2) That even though it was noncommittal that we were still two people who cared about each other making love and not just satisfying our urges in some sleazy way.
Well, this went on for about two weeks of casual sex. At one point, she started getting weird on me again and became withdrawn. I had to literally pretend to get really upset with her for her to tell me the truth that she felt like SHE was getting too attached to ME and that it was a bad thing. I told her that I wasnt, and that in fact, I had become interested in a girl from upstairs. Her response was "I can't believe I mean so little to you." Now, this was just absurd since she had always been the one trying to avoid commitment. I reminded her that SHE wanted it this way and not me, and when the time came that she wanted to settle down, I'd be more than willing to commit. She said ok.
Well, another week passed and AGAIN I noticed she was becoming withdrawn. She wouldn't kiss me or anything. I bought her a birthday present, and I said I love you to her when I gave it to her, and she said it back, but something still wasn't right. I wrote a note to her explaining how I wasn't her little toy to be played with and that I felt like she was manipulating me. She read it and completely agreed. We got into an argument, and I reminded her of what she said to me when she found out I was interested in another girl. She said "Oh, when I said that, I was actually happy for you." At that point, I kicked her out of my room and told her that I was tired of her lies and that she was talking to me like a politician.
Well, a day or two went by, and I sat her down and explained that I couldn't possibly be friends with somebody who was being so dishonest with me and who never let me in on what was happening. She told me then she felt like a whore a lot of times. That she didn't know why she had casual sex, but that she just sort of did in spite of the fact that she didn't really want to. I dug a little deeper, and she admitted (as I had said all along) that her fear to commit had to do with her ex-boyfriend Skippy who dumped her after two years of a relationship. I felt better after this, like I was finally getting the real story, so I foolishly continued the friendship...
Spring Break came, and we talked for hours on the phone during that time. When we came back, I expressed a difficulty with just being her friend. Frankly, I didn't want it. I wanted more. I told her this but that I would try it the way it was. Well, the following Saturday, what do you think happened? YES! We had sex once again! This time I expected it because I could clearly see she was going to go back on her desire to just be friends as she always had before. I also knew, however, that she was also going to want to stop again as well.
Sure enough, on Thursday afternoon not two hours after what she called a "particularly special orgasm" she said she didn't want to do it anymore. I told her it was alright because I'd pretty much been doing it just for the sex by that point. Well, later on, we had a talk online, which escalated into a fight when she said all she wanted to do was just meet other people. Now, I know, what "meeting other people" means for her. It means sex. For somebody who feels like she's a whore, she's got a weird way of solving the problem.
She came to see me and the fight continued. I'd said some pretty harsh stuff and she wanted me to apologize. I told her I was justified. She had accused me of "seducing" her this last time, and I told her that was a lot of crap. She stormed out of there, and I was more than happy to let her.
The next day, I was an absolute wreck. I didn't want to get out of bed. I missed my classes. When I did get out of bed, I'd just wander around looking like my puppy had been shot. I'd sit on the benches and just stare at the lake... I tried feeding some geese but they started killing themselves over the bread!
I really thought I'd gone off the deep end for a while there, but I started snapping out of it by the end of the day.
Nevertheless, I'm still depressed about all of this. And I'm frankly kind of pissed. I sent her a letter by email tonight basically saying that she was nothing but an immature child, that I was paying the price for her indecisiveness, that I was tired of her lies, and I was through with her, our love life, and our friendship. I still feel I made the right decision, but I also feel like I want to talk to her again.
HELP ME! TELL ME NOT TO DO IT! CONVINCE ME TO STICK TO MY GUNS!
I need some help from you fellas...
For the past five months or so, I've been having an on-and-off relationship with a girl at my college. At some point, she fell in love with me, and I fell in love with her. We never did start officially going out as boyfriend and girlfriend, and eventually in January when Winter break ended, she told me she wanted to call it quits.
I'll be honest, I took it very badly, but I was starting to get used to the idea of us being just friends by the third week or so. And then one day, she came over to my room and we were hanging out, and she started getting really horny and she climbed on top of me. Well, I told her that she better think about what she was doing before she'd regret it. And she stopped and we ended up talking for a while, but eventhough I declined to do "it", our relationship had CLEARLY gone again beyond just being friends.
The next day, my resolve caved and we ended up sleeping together under two conditions. 1) It was just noncommittal sex, and 2) That even though it was noncommittal that we were still two people who cared about each other making love and not just satisfying our urges in some sleazy way.
Well, this went on for about two weeks of casual sex. At one point, she started getting weird on me again and became withdrawn. I had to literally pretend to get really upset with her for her to tell me the truth that she felt like SHE was getting too attached to ME and that it was a bad thing. I told her that I wasnt, and that in fact, I had become interested in a girl from upstairs. Her response was "I can't believe I mean so little to you." Now, this was just absurd since she had always been the one trying to avoid commitment. I reminded her that SHE wanted it this way and not me, and when the time came that she wanted to settle down, I'd be more than willing to commit. She said ok.
Well, another week passed and AGAIN I noticed she was becoming withdrawn. She wouldn't kiss me or anything. I bought her a birthday present, and I said I love you to her when I gave it to her, and she said it back, but something still wasn't right. I wrote a note to her explaining how I wasn't her little toy to be played with and that I felt like she was manipulating me. She read it and completely agreed. We got into an argument, and I reminded her of what she said to me when she found out I was interested in another girl. She said "Oh, when I said that, I was actually happy for you." At that point, I kicked her out of my room and told her that I was tired of her lies and that she was talking to me like a politician.
Well, a day or two went by, and I sat her down and explained that I couldn't possibly be friends with somebody who was being so dishonest with me and who never let me in on what was happening. She told me then she felt like a whore a lot of times. That she didn't know why she had casual sex, but that she just sort of did in spite of the fact that she didn't really want to. I dug a little deeper, and she admitted (as I had said all along) that her fear to commit had to do with her ex-boyfriend Skippy who dumped her after two years of a relationship. I felt better after this, like I was finally getting the real story, so I foolishly continued the friendship...
Spring Break came, and we talked for hours on the phone during that time. When we came back, I expressed a difficulty with just being her friend. Frankly, I didn't want it. I wanted more. I told her this but that I would try it the way it was. Well, the following Saturday, what do you think happened? YES! We had sex once again! This time I expected it because I could clearly see she was going to go back on her desire to just be friends as she always had before. I also knew, however, that she was also going to want to stop again as well.
Sure enough, on Thursday afternoon not two hours after what she called a "particularly special orgasm" she said she didn't want to do it anymore. I told her it was alright because I'd pretty much been doing it just for the sex by that point. Well, later on, we had a talk online, which escalated into a fight when she said all she wanted to do was just meet other people. Now, I know, what "meeting other people" means for her. It means sex. For somebody who feels like she's a whore, she's got a weird way of solving the problem.
She came to see me and the fight continued. I'd said some pretty harsh stuff and she wanted me to apologize. I told her I was justified. She had accused me of "seducing" her this last time, and I told her that was a lot of crap. She stormed out of there, and I was more than happy to let her.
The next day, I was an absolute wreck. I didn't want to get out of bed. I missed my classes. When I did get out of bed, I'd just wander around looking like my puppy had been shot. I'd sit on the benches and just stare at the lake... I tried feeding some geese but they started killing themselves over the bread!
I really thought I'd gone off the deep end for a while there, but I started snapping out of it by the end of the day.Nevertheless, I'm still depressed about all of this. And I'm frankly kind of pissed. I sent her a letter by email tonight basically saying that she was nothing but an immature child, that I was paying the price for her indecisiveness, that I was tired of her lies, and I was through with her, our love life, and our friendship. I still feel I made the right decision, but I also feel like I want to talk to her again.
HELP ME! TELL ME NOT TO DO IT! CONVINCE ME TO STICK TO MY GUNS!
... she can't seem to be "just friends" very long before she's jumping back into my bed.
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