Help Ozz get fired

[Ozz]

Originally posted by rah
I would recommend that you continue to do your job in a competent manner. (just competent) and become a high maintenance employee. Always ask for clarification prior, approval during, and fish for compliments after, on any task assigned. Feel free to ask him advice on personal problems. etc. Trust me, I will only put up with high maintenance employees if they are my best. For average workers, they're first in line to be let go.
RAH

Excellent

I really can't find in myself to anything but an excellent
job if I'm taking their money. But eating my bureaucratic
bosses time (he's a Gantt chart pencil pusher not and never has been a programmer)

[Az]

I'll already a pain in the ass, I won't work overtime
I'm late, i take 30 minutes for tea.

Problem is they need what I know (and they don't)

These are the wrong reasons to be fired...

[Lonestar]

Tell your boss you want Canada to join the US.

[Datajack Franit]

Steal!

[Pekka]

Say you're need some vacation so you can see your relatives who are currently residing at Quantanamo Bay holiday area.

[rah]

Originally posted by Ozz
I really can't find in myself to anything but an excellent
job if I'm taking their money. But eating my bureaucratic
bosses time (he's a Gantt chart pencil pusher not and never has been a programmer)

He's a gantt chart man......that should make it easier. They usually tolerate high maintenance employees less than I. Add to list. Question every time frame. and when he asks you for estimates, "how can I give you a time estimate on a task that's never been done before, it's not like we're building a house here" Start using the word "UNKNOWN" more frequently. Pencil pushing gant weinees hate that. Then when you go to another company you can say the your ex-pointy haired boss was so wrapped up in his critical path, that it stiffled creativity and inovations.

[Ozz]

J

[Ozz]

Just when your getting desperate. :0

Saw a contract job for 3 months, applied, Bingo!

Just have to wait another term.

[rah]

Congrats.

[Aro]

Tell the truth. All the time, about everything, with everyone. It works, I know (I did something similar, once...).

[Daz]

Here are some:

Arrive late for work
Being on time is for wimps. Drag yourself out of bed whenever you feel like it. Stop to run an errand on your way to the office.

Don't forget the coffee
No not for your boss -- for yourself! You're already late so why not stop for a cup of coffee on the way to work? Don't forget to get a muffin or a roll too (crumbs on your tie look really good).

Eat at your desk
I mean your coffee and roll, not your lunch silly. Why would you want to work through lunch anyway? And take your time -- you're in no hurry to start working.

Take a long lunch
An hour for lunch? Are they nuts? That can't possibly be enough time to get together with an old friend and run a few more errands.

Have a drink
What's lunch without a couple of beers? It'll relax you. So what if you smell like a brewery?

Make personal phone calls
If you can't make your phone calls from the office, when else will you find the time? Don't make those calls short and sweet -- chat away.

Speaking of chatting...
Let's not forget about the good old Net. You can go into a chat room any time of day, so why waste your precious personal time.

Send lots of email
Use those eight hours at work to take care of all that personal email. Oh and don't forget to use your work email address.

Download, download, download...
Your connection is much faster at work than on your home pc. And besides, there are some things you wouldn't want your significant other to see.

Make the customers/clients really mad
There are several ways to do this. If you deal with customers in person, ignore them while you talk to your co-workers. Don't have answers to their questions. If most of your contact is by phone, keep yours busy so clients can't get through. If they bother to leave a message, don't return their phone calls.

Don't ever go beyond your job description
Even when a project is down to the wire and your help is desperately needed, just remember: "It's not your job."

Leave work early
Who made that five o'clock rule anyway? If you leave 15 minutes early think of how much you can get done before dinner.

I wish you success!

[Agathon]

Go to TShirthell.com and buy any T Shirt and openly wear it to work.

2 minutes after entering work, leave with cheque in hand.

[TheStinger]

accuse your boss of comming on to you, but agree to go quietly if they give you 6 weeks paid notice and a good reference

[Stuie]

Spend all day posting on Apolyton instead of working.

[rah]

Originally posted by Stuie
Spend all day posting on Apolyton instead of working.

Naw, that doesn't work