Cultural Disconnect?: Dealing with my Korean boss.

[SuperSneak]

This guy has been here for almost 20 years. I guess he's just trying to establish boundaries and pecking order as quickly as possible, with a little traditional Asian emphasis thrown in to boot.
Unfortunately, he has read me very wrong, as I thrive on the positive and get quite depressed and unmotivated when the atmosphere is negative.

[DRoseDARs]

I'm going to agree that you shouldn't work with that kind of person. Your first example was inexcusable behavior on his part. Flu's can in rare cases lead to death, but in the vast majority of cases you're just going to be a biohazard to be around, both for customers and fellow employees. Your second example was uncalled for on his part because you asked in a respectful manner (I'm assuming). I you've ever watched shows on Discovery or TLC or the like that talk about Human social interactions, you'd be told that different cultures behave in ways that, like you said, are normal for those people and strange to others.

For example: Jewish people LOVE to argue and debate. They aren't necessarily being difficult as others might be given to think, it's just a major part of their tradition and beliefs. This I've been told both by my college-level World Religions teacher (trained as a religous scholar for more than 30 years...is at the level where she could be a priest(?) if she wanted to) and my Hebrew language teacher (a practicing Jew and Israeli national). She seemed a bit rough around the edges at first, but once I knew her background it wasn't a problem...because she really wasn't TRYING to be rough. She was just being how she grew up. Not a problem at all, I like her a lot and we got along pretty well, enough that I'm considering taking her 2nd Semester class if it'll fit into my schedule.

Clearly your boss is just a jackass. Totally unfamiliar with the concept that he's not in Korea anymore (if it's a cultural reason for his jackassery...I could just be he's just a jackass in ANY culture). As the bumpersticker says, "Mean people suck."

[ranskaldan]

Yes, he's an a$$, even by Asian standards.

Work around him, the way you would with any nitpicky boss.

[Urban Ranger]

Myabe Seeker or Yin or Q Cubed can fill in more.

It can be a combination of culture and personality. If you saw Koreans argue like that, it sees to me that would be a culture thing. Others can be caused by your boss's personality and his upbringing on management style.

I'd say give it another 3 months. If you can't get used to it, start looking.

[Seeker]

It's culture.

In Korea, the 'Wang ja Neem' (big boss dude) is supposed to be like a stricter version of your father, that's the boss-servant relationship.

That means you NEVER contradict them. EVER. Especially if it is blatantly obvious that something is their fault, or caused by the bosses' incompetance or lack of knowledge. At such times it is your responsibility as an employee to take or try to take the blame on yourself.

Never directly criticize the boss, they will take it as a personal insult.

If you're an employee in Korean culture you've got to be subtle and deal with a lot of bull**** that you wouldn't in NA.

If you approach them in the right way, you can still influence their decisions, but you have to do it in a way that rankles our western ideas....If the boss feels you're "calling him out" or challenging his authority or whatever they can go to remarkably petty lengths to reinforce the proper relationship.

The reason why a lot of foreigners quit over here is the difficulty in adapting to this....they want to say "Why don't we do this or It wasn't my fault or What a bad idea" which are all no no's.

[Lancer]

A guy I was drinking with once told me about a prank he pulled. He put Visene in the coffee of someone that was really bugging him alot. He said it gives a person a profound case of the ****s...

[Urban Ranger]

Thanks Seeker

[SuperSneak]

Seeker-- you've pretty much confirmed what I've found in my research (a buddy taught English in Pusan). I don't know--personally, I think that is totally ridiculous, as being wrong is costing this man his livlihood, basically.
As some of you have pointed out, this is a rather intolerable situation and I have already begun to look elsewhere. I'm sure giving my notice (or quitting, rather--can you imagine the final two weeks in this environment?) will feel very good.
I say, if you want someone to act like they are in Korea--hire a Korean! All of his employees are either Anglo or Mexican...the atmosphere here can be very heavy due to the attitude.

Too bad...I kind of like the work.

Thanks for all the input y'all!

Lancer...yes...Visine....hmmmm....forgot about that.

[Zero]

I think ur just being too absorbed into the fact that you're not a korean and that you try to hard to look for cultural difference.

[Q Classic]

although seeker's explained quite a bit of it, the boss still seems a bit harsh to me.

by the way: this boss-worker relationship is, like how seeker said, very much also a parent-child relationship. which is why when you date a korean, you might find that they're quite hesitant to let you meet their parents; they really might love you, they just don't want any screaming matches with their parents (which they'll invariably lose).
that's kinda from personal experience (i'm with a white girl, so i understand a bit of how oerdin's girl felt).

"the toughing it out" bit... sorry, but that i've found is a korean thing. mom never picked me up from school when i was sick, because school was more important than health, so...

======

Datajack Franit, Che, i'll pretend those were a bad attempt at humor.

[SuperSneak]

Yeah...I certainly did not intend this to be a Korean bashing forum. As I said, I have a very friendly relationship with "David" my local shopkeeper...he is just a very happy go lucky guy and very mellow.
I was just looking for the backdrop I was up against, combined with the guy's personality.
Funny thing is, my own father is 10 times more unreasonable than my boss, and I never succumbed in that relationship either.
Just wish there were more jobs in this God forsaken economy.

Curious...why the big revulsion about dating whites? Maybe their is some racism on the part of the older generation of Asians?

[Q Classic]

as far as i can tell, all east asians have a big revulsion to dating outside of the ethnicity; japanese don't want their kids mating with a non-japanese, koreans likewise, and the chinese as well.

as is the case in largely homogenous societies, i also think racism plays out differently there; rather than the internecine results found here in america, in east asia, it tends to be against anyone who is "different"; it also doesn't seem to be as violent or aggressive, but rather more "we'll associate with you, but we won't associate with you" in nature.

the incidence of this type of behaviour, though, seems to occur only when the parents are first generation immigrants. my parents are first generation immigrants, and thus, have a bit of a problem with my dating a non-korean. (to be more clear, mom actually has less of a problem with my dating a white girl than grandmother; mom's main issue is that i have a girlfriend, while i'm still in school (college) and shouldn't be on the marriage market yet (even though that's not what i'm considering at all).)

interestingly enough, i have a friend who's japanese, and both her parents are at least nisei. her parents have no issue with her dating a white boy, and i think it's mainly because they are nisei and not issei.

[Az]

Datajack Franit, Che, i'll pretend those were a bad attempt at humor.

On their behalf, I can guarantee you they were.

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by SuperSneak
Yeah...I certainly did not intend this to be a Korean bashing forum. As I said, I have a very friendly relationship with "David" my local shopkeeper...he is just a very happy go lucky guy and very mellow.

I reckon that's because David and you do not have a boss-employee relation.

[Q Classic]

also, it's kinda true that korean shopkeepers are less friendly and less willing to work with korean customers.