Math/science jokes

[ixnay]

Post your best math/science/engineering/etc. jokes here:

Why did the math major confuse Halloween for Christmas?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?
Nothing, you can't cross a scaler and a vector.

A policeman stops Prof. Heisenberg for speeding:

"Good Evening, Sir. Did you know how fast you are going?"
"No, but I know where I am!"

[Provost Harrison]

*groan*

I think the sciences and humour should be kept well apart

[Mercator]

1+1=3... BWAHAHAHA!

Sorry, that's the best I can do.

[Asher]

I don't know too many geeky jokes like that, but there's a few that make fun of geeks

A computer science student is using a laptop under a tree and another one pulls up on a new bike.
The student under the tree asks, "Where'd you get that?!"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying, this girl pulls up on her bike... She takes off all her clothes and says to me, 'You can have anything you want'."
The other student responds, "Good choice! -- her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

[Provost Harrison]

I suppose I have to bring the biology jokes...

How do you make a hormone?

I am sure you can imagine the answer to that one without me having to repeat it

[Edan]

Q What did the baby acorn say when it was all growed up?

A Gee, I'm a tree. (Say it outloud) *groan*

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution.
"No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

[FrustratedPoet]

A guys walks into a pub and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate
The barman says "That'll be 80p"

[Asher]

A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician, and a computer scientist are on a photo safari in Africa. They drive out on the Savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.

The biologist: Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle: A white zebra! It's fantastic! There are white zebras! We'll be famous!

The statistician: It's not significant. We only know there's one white zebra.

The mathematician: Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white on one side.

The computer scientist: Oh, no! A special case!

-----

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

-------

Three grad students are trying to prove that all odd numbers are
prime. [note to non-mathematicians: this isn't even true - e.g., 9 is odd
but not prime.]

The physicist says "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime - so the
experimental evidence is sufficient to conclude the general result."

The mathematician says "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime - so the result
follows by induction."

The engineer says "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime..."

The computer scientist says "3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime..."




Sorry

[Az]

From our student newspaper humor corner:

---------

These are the replies for the the final exam in the course "Math for Medicine Students":

a) two apples.
b) the train from Tel Aviv arrives first.

--------

[FrustratedPoet]

Did you hear about the biologist who had twins?
She baptized one and kept the other as a control.

[cavebear]

Well, all I have is an old one, but maybe *someone* hasn't heard it:

Three Native American women are about to give birth, and they each spread out an animal skin to wait on in the birthing lodge. The first has a buffulo skin, the second a deer skin, the tird a hippopotomus skin.

The first woman has a son. The second women has a son. The third woman has 2 sons, thus proving...

The sons of the squaw on the hippopotomus are equal to the sons of the squaws on the other 2 hides.

[Nubclear]

Mings Flower Poisons Prison, Beware Human....Rah has Risen!

[cavebear]

Originally posted by Tassadar5000
Mings Flower Poisons Prison, Beware Human....Rah has Risen!

Is that an anagram or something?

[loinburger]

I had this joke sent to me by a couple relatives (who were displeased that I decided to become a computer scientist rather than a "real engineer"):


A king hires a computer scientist an an electrical engineer to design a toaster for him. He asks for each to present a rough design to the royal court by the end of the next day.

The following day, the electrical engineer presents his design to the king's court: "The toaster really only needs six different settings in order for the user to be satisfied, and the heating coils can use a constant temperature since the different settings can simply toast for different lengths of time, so a simple chip design using twenty-four logic gates is all that is needed for the user to be able to specify his or her toast preference. I can have a working model for you by the end of the week."

The computer scientist then presents his solution: "What my engineer friend fails to realize is that his toaster will be able to toast bread, but what if somebody wants to toast bagels? Or english muffins? What then? What if the user wants to put cream cheese, or butter, or jam, or even honey, on his or her bread/bagel/muffin? Or, what if the user decides that he or she doesn't want to toast anything, but that they would instead prefer cereal for breakfast, or a donut -- then the engineer's toaster is useless! Or what if the user wants scrambled eggs, or french toast, or waffles? What then? Clearly the toaster requires a minimum of a Cray processor in order to be able to effectively cook breakfast, and it also requires separate peripherals in order to accomplish milk-pouring, egg-scrambling, bacon-frying, or even steak-grilling. I'll be able to construct just such a device for a mere $25,000,000, assuming no cost overruns, and will have a mostly-debugged prototype within two years."

The king accepted the electrical engineer's design and executed the computer scientist. The kingdom rejoiced.

[Six Thousand Year Old Man]

An old one, told badly...

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a Microsoft Certified Systems EngineerTM are out for a drive when suddenly the car sputters to a stop.

The mechanical engineer says: "I think the carburetor is flooded. Depress the gas pedal and turn the key, and the car should start."

The electrical engineer says: "Probably the wiring from the distributor to the spark plugs is wet, from the rainstorm back there. Clean them with a dry cloth, and the car should start."

The Microsoft Certified Systems EngineerTM says: "We need to shut off the radio, close all the windows, reopen them, and then press the clutch, the power door lock and the hood trunk release simultaneously...."