I am absolutely obsessed with social psychology right now

[Zylka]

Ok, that's good clarification. I was serious about that bit of advice, it seems so basic but it totally escaped me until you mentioned. Telling her everything at once would be a bit much I assume, she's told me specifically before that she's not a heart to heart talk kind of person.

I have never been so complicated in thought over a girl. Going to the bars and screwing is easy enough, persuasion over something you seemingly want for good is insanity.

[Apocalypse]

Originally posted by Zylka
Telling her everything at once would be a bit much I assume, she's told me specifically before that she's not a heart to heart talk kind of person.

Just be incredibly vague and indirect. That way she can get the information without having an heart to heart talk. You could mention your parents got you some kitchen appliance for Christmas not because you needed one, but because they needed one. This is the indirect thing I am talking about.

Furthermore, it might not be the heart to heart talking she actually has a problem with. She may just not have anyone to really have a serious conversation with. From the little I know about her brother, he doesn't seem like the type of person she is able to talk to as he doesn't take her seriously. There is a good chance she is unable to have this type of talk with her parents too since most people have trouble talking seriously with their parents. She may not be able to open up to her friends because of a fear they will no longer accept her.

My suggestion is to set up yourself as the person she feels comfortable with having heart to heart talks with. If you play interested but not critical this could work very well. She will be able trust that you care enough but won't reject her for anything she tells you.

[Zylka]

You are a scholar. In this vein however, it does come down to knowing when she needs to talk, and when she needs to have fun. I think just being there often enough will be a good strategy, dropping by more often, keeping in contact on a regular basis.

Aggh... but that is a problem in itself, knowing how much space to give. I don't know if/when girls get sick of a guy being around them, and therefore keep my distance - too much to ever start something official

[Apocalypse]

Originally posted by Zylka
You are a scholar. In this vein however, it does come down to knowing when she needs to talk, and when she needs to have fun. I think just being there often enough will be a good strategy, dropping by more often, keeping in contact on a regular basis.

I've given girls advice on this kind of stuff. They thought I was gay so they opened up pretty well. My former friend with benefits is the one who told them this, they didn't base it on how I act.

Originally posted by Zylka
Aggh... but that is a problem in itself, knowing how much space to give. I don't know if/when girls get sick of a guy being around them, and therefore keep my distance - too much to ever start something official

With my current girlfriend, I just make sure I never contact her three (arbitrary number, but works) times in a row. If I had called/instant messaged her three times in a row, I won't talk to her again until she first makes contact with me. If she askes me to call or im her, that doesn't count as me making first contact because she asked me to and I typically do whatever she wants.

I don't make it obvious that I am doing this though, I just make it look like I enjoy making her happy. Thus she doesn't try to take advantage of my niceness because she isn't trying to be dominant or anything because otherwise the effect would be lost.

But back to the topic, just having a set number of times works. Also, if she mentions something about not feeling well or something to that affect, you can ask if there is anything you can do. If she replies no, then it means she probably had enough talking for now.

[The Mad Monk]

I tend to look forward to Ethical Calculus, myself.

[Zylka]

Hehehe.. funny you mention that

Three times in a row she gave me the "I'm sick..." thing, and I called her on it immediately. She responded, "well, if that's the way you see it - ok"

A week later she came back with "hey, how's it goin, just checking to see if you're still on your period - because if you are I'll just check back in another 5-7 days!"

So far, this girl owns me.. she's a prize to work for indeed

[Apocalypse]

Originally posted by Zylka
Three times in a row she gave me the "I'm sick..." thing, and I called her on it immediately. She responded, "well, if that's the way you see it - ok"

It isn't a good thing to directly call girls on something. Just imply that you know they are bsing you and that you understand what they want. Do than even if you don't understand what they want. Just pretend.

[Zylka]

I think you play more games then you tend to believe. That is, however - reassuring.

[Apocalypse]

I still don't believe I play that many games. I can just change for personality easily.

Like with how I mentioned about doing things my girlfriend likes. I force myself to like the things she does. If she starts to really like "Swing, Swing" by The All-American Rejects, then I'll start to really like the song.

Part of it is that I rarely show any true feelings to people IRL. I'm very skilled in manipulating myself. My girlfriend is one of the people I've been more open with, even though the relationship isn't that close at the moment.

[Zylka]

That sounds a little dangerous to me. Given it isn't as bad as trying to influence and change her personality to adore and imitate yours... but, someone's going to get bored quickly

[Apocalypse]

Nah, I've done stuff like this for over three years now.

I am exposing her to things that I like that I am sure she'll like too though.